Ok so let me get clear. She's your online friend who's getting married online. So you kind of jelous that she's getting married to another guy online who isn't you. Please correct me if I'm wrong, I have a bad habit of misreading things.

And I'm just going to quote this : "I am frightened. I think god is out to get me." Your not the only one who thinks God's out to get them. I'm pretty sure God's got it in for me. I can't help sining. I'm a bad Christian that could explain all.

Could you by any chance try and get someother friends? I know it's hard when "friends" turn round and be absolutely horrible to you. I've been through that. I had to go through one of the worst verbal bullings that there have ever been at my school and all my friends abandoned me. I was all ready to end my life. But I didn't and I'm still here to give advice as best I can.


There could be the chance that she feels the same way about you. But is hiding her feelings because she's not ready to show you yet and she's involed with someone else(?). Don't give up on her. Just because she is "marrying" someone online who is most probibly a friend doesn't mean that she doesn't feel anything for you. Her "marrying" this guy online could just be a joke like I've married several of my friends but it doesn't mean anything.

Like ` Nitemare said if you kill yourself over her then how's that going to make her feel ? It will put her in the same possition you are in now. And think about how your family would feel.

Don't give up on living and don't let her go if you really feel strongly for her. Don't give up on her without a fight. Never ever give up on someone you care about without a fight.

If that doesn't help you then I'm really sorry but I've tried my best. I'm always here if you need someone to PM. I might take a while to reply but I'll aways reply.

Sorry about the wall of text.

First off I know how suicidal thoughts can be, I've been there myself. I was very lonely in high school, all of my best friends were getting pregnant, married, and dropping out. I became what was left behind, a loner who felt like no one cared enough about me. I always thought that my friends who got pregnant almost did it as a personal thing against me. My depression became my sole comfort, to the point where I wanted to be depressed, to have that as my only friend. I figured if I didn't make other friends, then I couldn't be hurt.

Well later that year I did attempt suicide with pills. The only thing that saved me was hearing my parents, who were raking leaves outside, asking where I was and that they needed me. Sure they just needed me to do outside work, but still it snaped me back into reality that someone still needed me! I got up and rather dizy like went outside and helped them.
The only person I have told this to is my soon to be hubby.

I really think the first step you should need to do is to open up your eyes, ears, and mind a little more. Look around, surely there are people that need you to stay in this world. Even if people are leaving you, this does not matter because there are others who will stay. I have learned now that my friends who were leaving me never thought much of me. The friends I have now, are the ones I can trust, and like me for me without playing mind games.

Ever since she broke up with me the first time, and ever since I broke her heart, I've been trying to make her happy everyday. Ever since I met her I've been trying to make her happy; trying to give back the love that she gave me while she was helping me. But it seems all of my efforts were all just a waste. She's been breaking MY heart for the past month now, and accusing me of things that I didn't do and her not listening to me to tell her that it is not me. I feel betrayed again. She was the only thing in my life that gave me happiness, the only thing in my life..that I look forward to...

@HIM_ROCK; from her getting married, it makes me think about all the times that she said that she loved me in the past month, and makes me think that they were all lies. I couldn't care less about me getting married to her. It just makes me think that if she is that committed to him, then she's been lying to me.

@clk & Allucard; she was the best friend I ever had...

Yes she is your best friend, but as I said before open up your ears, eyes, and mind a little more then that. You will find many people who love you, including yourself. True friends won't leave you, they stick by you no matter what. What I am trying to say is that you will have other friends, and more then one best friend if you allow yourself to let them in.