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This Girl Needs Some Help -- [friend issue]
Hello Mene~
I must apologize, because this might be kind of long. Let me introduce you to my friend, Margie. Her name isn't really Margie, but we like to call her that sometimes. She is a tomboyish girl of 15- Asian, caring, and sometimes very immature, but lately, she's overreacting, I'm afraid. At the beginning of the school year, she was very attatched to her friends, Nenny and I especially. What had happened is that I just had met Nenny that this year, but Margie had already known her. Nenny became my friend. One of the best friends someone could have. However, Margie had a problem with this. My teachers make us work in group sometimes, and at the beginning of the year, Margie and Nenny would work together, usually with two other friends, and I was left out. I didn't mind though, because I was working with another friend, Ini. As long as I'm with a friend, I'm satisfied. Mid-year. I wondered what working with Nenny would be like. I asked if she wanted to work with me. I was shocked when I heard Margie saying that she didn't want Nenny working with me. She said something similar to, "DON'T STEAL NENNY AWAY FROM ME!" My friend Ini overheard. She was upset by this comment too. So we both told her to not treat people like objects, and worse, as if they belonged to her. I don't think it's fair. Recently, I've been talking more and more to Nenny. She's a great friend and we have a lot in common. Hell, we even seem like sisters! It's awesome to talk to someone who has similar interests. Am I right? Well, Margie has been distancing herself from us. This week though, something unexpected happened. It was in chemistry class. I told Nenny to take out the camera for X reason and Margie, who had her head on the desk yelled, "FUUUUUUCK OFF!". Excuse my use of the English language, but that's what she said... or an equivalent, since she said it in Spanish. I didn't know it was at me until Nenny told me. She thought we were going to film her. She hates that. She's been staying away from us all week, and apparently, all my friends know that she's mad at us. One guy told me that she didn't like how close Nenny and I were, and that we always exclude her from our conversations. It is not true. It is she who walks away from us, even though she can start talking to us. She has no right to be mad at Nenny though. If she has to be mad, it has to be at me. First of all, she might be thinking that I "stole" Nenny from her. Is that the price of being friendly? Second, Margie and I always end up in a fight, but that's quite normal. It hasn't really affected us until the last few days. She has had this "I-have-no-friends" attitude all week and we are worried about her. So, Mene, I can't stand seeing her like that. She's just hurting herself, really. I don't know how to get that in her little head. I don't want her to be like this anymore. It's childish, and it's affecting all of us. Any comments or suggestions? |
Oh man... that is a very complicated problem! I don't really know what to say to you that could help you out. Margie sounds like a very possessive person and wow, she should be glad that you and Nenny are friends instead of being mad...
You should try to talk to her or get a counselor to help out~ Don't want anything bad to happen to her you know? I hope you work things out with your friends~ I hate it when my friends are divided like this. :/ |
Maybe show her that a group can have fun together? She might think that 1 on 1 friendships are the only way to have friendships. I had a cousin that was like that when she was young.
Maybe get everyone together and invite her out somewhere? Rollerskating, dancing, movie, sleepover...whatever. It just may open up her eyes and make her see what she's missing out on. And keep in mind that in her head she probably is feeling ignored. It's a complicated situation and I hope you can get her to come around! |
Maybe you and Nenny can each do something with Margie alone like you could go to a movie with her and Nenny could go to the mall with her or something just to let her know that she is still both of your friend and you still want her around and then try to get her to do some things with both of you and make sure she feels included in the conversation. I think she is feeling left out and maybe a little afraid that Nenny and you are going to get very close and shut her out. Once she sees that the three of you can be close friends, maybe she will stop acting like a child.
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Just leave her alone until she comes back to you. there's no point chasing after her if she's just going to keep running away. If you do that she might just see how silly she's being. Or you could just do like one of my friends did once she had a huge argument with two of the other friends in our group and they just decided to forget everything that happened and start all over again with their friendship.
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Friends grow apart. Do you still want her as a friend now with her attitude?
I've lost many friends over the years but remained friends with their friends. It's complicated, but sometimes you need to let go. Since you still care about her, try and try again and let your friends know you are trying so they won't go and attack her back when she attacks you. Best of luck. If you guys can get over this obstacle, you guys truly are friends who can go through a lot of what life throws at you! |
I've felt that way before. Most recently, it was with my boyfriend making friends with my best friend and the two of them hanging out all weekend and stuff. I felt really left out, like they'd forgotten me. Even though I was able to talk to them both, I wanted to just be away from them.
If you show one friend more attention then the other, they'll get jealous because they feel like you're moving in on their special relationship with that person. Just try to include her more. Or, if she doesn't let you do that, pull her aside and explain to her that you're hurting that she's hurting. Try to get her to tell you what's wrong. Once it's off her chest, she'll feel a lot better even if she still acts angry. If you manage that, just talk to her more and stay away from Nenny (After telling Nenny your plan first) for a bit so you can get Margie to feeling back to normal. Then, slowly allow her to spend time around you both. Make sure you dote on Margie a bit. Then, she'll start feeling better and everything'll be fine. ^^ (I hope this helps and I hope it works! Good luck, hun.) |
Thank you all for the advice.
Margie is very different from the other girls. Very, very different~ and it's kind of hard to know what goes on in her mind sometimes. I invited her and Nenny to my house for some cake tomorrow. Well, she accepted. Great! I hope everything goes well then. |
Good luck. I wish you well!!
Blessed be~ |
Well basically, its not your fault for her being mad.
She needs to learn that just because she knew that girl first and was friends with her first it dosent mean its not possible for her to become better friends with other people. Its life, thats the way it goes. But since shes making this problem bigger, just try and include her, talk to your teacher maybe and see if you can start working in groups of three to help you solve this problem. |
You're right, she is overreacting, but everyone does that when they feel threatened.
All I think you can do is ask her why you and Nenny being friends upsets her so much. If it's some ridiculous reason, then I think you should tell her that and hope that she gets over it. If it's a real reason, something that you can change, then go that route. It's good that you care so much about how your friend is feeling, though. I wish my friends were that good to me. |
Something you could do is try to talk to her with other people there to calm her down and help you that's all I have .
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Maybe she feels excluded that you and Nenny are friends? I think she is overreacting though but do try talking to her as ignoring the situation or how she is acting to you two won't make things go away. If she is still so upset about it then I don't know, maybe say well if you don't like it then lump it
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I know what it feels like to be left out because before I had the group of friends I do now, my friends would only talk to me if I was the only person around that they knew and would pretty much ignore me if they had anyone else to tslk to.
It probaby isn't as easy for her to converse as it is for you and your friend. It sounds like she has self-esteem issues which would expalin why she doesn't like being taped and why she would overreact. If she hasn't had any friends before now, she's afraid of losing what she has. She probably doesn't feel that she can just join our conversation. That is something that I'm not able to do myself. Her language isn't acceptable, but I bet she'd really regretting it inside. I don't know how aprochable she is, so I don't know what could be said to her, but it really is shame. Just try not to be nasty back. |
Hi Sanct how are you? just noticed that you posted here and feel that I can relate. My friends and I used to hang out alot and lately we haven't but thats another story. But yeah I guess that we have just been growing apart or something coz I don't seem to be able to relate to them as much as I used to. I can't join in with their fun for some reason and thats even with some trying effort!
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