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The Love Doctor [In service since 12-06-07]
I know this seems odd and all, having me here making this thread.. But I've seen numerous number of people seeking advice, probably about love or relationships.
I've sought that help here, too. And the community has helped me quite a lot with my problems. So I'm here giving back the Menewshan community the help I've gotten from them. Do you have any problems? Love? Relationships? I'm here to listen. I'm here to be your friend, your virtual consultant for any problem you might be encountering right now. If you need advice, I'll always be here to share my two cents. I'm just a post away. If you need help, please do post and I'll respond as soon as I can. If you want it privately, you may also PM me or leave me a message at Yahoo Messenger. I highly suggest you post or PM, though, since I'm usually not on Yahoo. I'll be here to give advices and lend you a helping hand in the time of trouble. I may not be there physically, but I will give the Menewshans every effort I can to help with your struggles in life. This thread will be semi-permanent, if there would be response from the community. I would gladly respond to your suggestions as well. Thanks for reading, and I'm always glad to help! Other note: I may usually post at two point of views, but it depends, still. If you don't want two PoVs, please do say so. |
hey, Lemurian here. i've got a problem for you: there is a girl that i like, and i finally asked her out, but when she got back to me today, she said she diddn't want a relationship with anyone right now, but i know that is not how she really felt, 'cause she said that she was flattered that i asked, and still looked loke she wanted to go out with me, but for some reason had to say no. my question is: how can i get past the shyness to the girl inside and get her to go out with me, but do it so i am not really forcing her, because that's not me.
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First and foremost, there are two things that the girl might mean, when she says "no". It can either be, "No, I really don't want to go out with you", or "No, you'll have to do more than that." It's quite hard to figure that out, since you can't just say she means this and that, by just basing on how "she seemed to be" or other things she "might have" left as hints.
But my personal look at this situation is you got to learn to be close to her first--in a friendship way. You could probably know how she feels and have a higher chance of going out with her if you do that. You have to remember, some girls want sincerity from the person they're going out with. And if she doesn't see that or she's just not interested, you should try and befriend her before anything else. |
This is not a question about a specific situation, but I am going to ask you anyway. So I was wondering, what you consider signs that a guy likes you? And how do you tell if it is just likes you as a friend or as more than a friend?
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Ah, the list goes on for that, honestly.
Guys--like everyone else, are unique human beings, so one can be just being friendly and one can actually "like like" you already. But FOR ME, these are the most obvious signs: A one sure way to find out is almost most of the time, no matter what a guy does, he'll always be around. Even if he makes fun of you or does all sorts of crazy stuff, it really doesn't matter to him as long as he's doing it around you. It doesn't necessarily mean, though, that he's real close or something, but if a guy likes you, he'll find any excuse so he could be "near" you. Be it sitting beside you or joking around, or staring at you from a long long distance. There are many specific ways to address this, but I'm sure you get my point. I'm not saying this IS a sure fire way to know, but if a guy gathers up enough strength, and really does like you, he'll eventually tell you. It may take time, or it may never be, but it's all up to how you act on it. |
Hiya Shaney how are you? I know I don't know you but yeah you posted this thread and I think its a really good idea. So here is my problem, my fiance has a brother and he is ten years older than his younger brother who is my fiance (just to make things easier somehow with that explanation) and I am sure he has a crush on me (the brother) coz he is always talking to me and being really nice and when he comes round for dinner on Fridays he brings me flowers! I don't want to be mean or have it totally wrong and embarass both him and myself by saying I'm sorry you're feelings arn't returned, you're a nice guy blah blah blah. And whats weirder even still I am having dreams of wantimg him (in a sexual way even though I know I don't want him in that way at all!) its creeping me out big time and I don't really have anyone else to talk about this with coz maybe they will think I am weird or something, please help! anyone elses advice is also wanted as well please!
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Hi there, woopdidoodoo! :) It's nice having you around here.
Wow, your problem is a tough one, but you really shouldn't worry much. I mean, if your fiance's brother hasn't confessed he really loves/likes you or anything of that sort, then there's nothing to worry about. As long as you know you're not leading him on, there shouldn't be any problem. For all you know, he's just being brotherly-nice to you. Some guys are just naturally sweet, especially to those whom they know might somehow be part of their family in the future. The real problem is your dreams about him. You have to know, that dreams are a product of our sub-conscious mind. So to say, it's not that I'm saying part of you really wants him, but maybe because the idea of him having a crush on you comes into your mind, it might be the one that causes the dreams. I guess you have to relax about the issue, and don't over-think it unless he's actually made a real move. <3 Shaney |
Thanks for that Shaney, I guess I just needed the reasurance that there wasn't anything there. I haven't been leading him on, or at least I am pretty certain that I haven't been, I have only been nice to him thats all. But yeah hopefully the dreams will stop once I stop worrying about it. You're good at this advice stuff! I am hopeless at it generally and only kind of stand there and say um... when my friends need me or whatever, I am good at hugs though haha
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Thanks as well woopdidoodoo! :) That's okay, you know. Some friends are good with words, some are ones who burst your bubble and help you back into reality. I guess you're the comforting type, though. :) Since you like to give hugs. xP And I live giving hugs, too. => Anyway, I hope you do stop stressing over it, if anything else happens though, feel free to come by this thread or PM me if it's slightly more confidential. :)
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Oh yeah, someone already made a thread like this a little bit ago...
It's an interesting idea, so I hope it goes well for you. ^^ |
If you're talking about LoveShrin, check the thread dates. Mine was created a little over a day in my time before hers. xD
Edit: Yeah, I re-checked. It was about a 24-hour time span. |
I think things have calmed down for me dream wise,
I didn't dream about him last night so am so glad about it. Thankyou for giving me that advice, I knew I wasn't leading him on, its just sometimes you need another perspective and that kind of thing. I will help keep this thread active if you like? |
Thank you, I was prohibited to use the computer for like, one day, so I kind of wasn't there to answer. Anyway, yes I'd love to if you'd help around. <333
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Okay, Shaney. I'm a girl irl, if that affects the advice here.
I'm not ready for sex. My boyfriend of almost 4 years is. He's coming home from college for the holidays, and I don't know how much pressure he's gonna put on me. At the same time, I don't want to avoid him all break. I do love him, love spending time with him. I just have what my mom calls "dick fear." So, any advice would be love. |
AWw!
I wouldn't worry about having or not having sex with your boyfriend....just do what feels right for you. 4 years is a pretty long time, but if he is going to pressure you into having sex then he may not be the right person for you. And instead of having sex you can do other things that are MUCH more pleasurable to you, I have not had sex either, but I have many friends who do it all the time...but with one guy! >.< They are not sluts or anything, and they tell me that sex is all for the guy, and not so much the girl. Maybe do some other things with him so he can still get pleasure...but only if you're comftorable with doing that, if you're not...then just let him know. If you love him and he truly does love you sex and being physical really should not matter. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year....so obviously not as long as you two have been together but we don't have sex, yes we do other things but our relationship is not a physical one, it's much more emotional. ^^ Sorry Shaney, I don't want to like...take your 'job' or whatever, but I thought I could help in this situation. <333 |
Sorry I do not want to be taking your job either, so just tell me if I am out of line, but I just wanted to address Heiyuu's post. If you are not ready for sex, do not have sex. That goes with anything else that is like sex too. The principle is simple the execution is not. I agree that you should talk to your boyfriend and he should not push you. You are together with your boyfriend because you get along well and you complement each other. He should understand you even if it is going against his own thoughts and wishes. Sorry again if this was overstepping the boundaries Shaney.
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Don't avoid him if you mustn't, I say. Just enjoy being with him when he goes home. We aren't sure yet if he's going to push you or not, are we? So I probably could suggest being ready to talk to him about it when he does. If he pressures you, be sure to have the courage to say "NO" because you are not ready yet. Be able to consider other things as well--what level you're ready to take it and those that you aren't. Other people don't have sex, but still enjoy each other. There are a few ways you could probably suggest him, but only those that you know you are ready to do. Keep in mind that this relationship is two-way. There are ways which the two of you could compromise, I say. Just don't let it get out of hand and clearly tell him where you stand. If he doesn't want a compromise, then your way it is. Don't have sex if you don't want to. You shouldn't until you're ready. <3 Shaney Majinkoz, vmars It's okay, opinions are nice to see around here of course. Feel free to help out! |
Majin has a problem now!! D:
Okay...so my boyfriend and I have been together for about a year + 1 month...so not a SUPER long time, but not like a HS relationship either, we're both in college and we're both VERY busy... Recently...I don't know I've felt bored wheile I hang out with him, and I'm not sure if that's because we usually just hang out, talk, watch a movie/tv together and I'm just bored sitting there doing nothing...or if I'm bored of him. I really don't think it's the later of the two. So I told him about it and he got kind of upset....and he doesn't know what to do, or why I would feel like this. Like I said, we're both in college so we don't have a lot of money to go out and do all of these fun activities and cost a lot of money. Does anyone has suggestions? I truly do love him SO much still...and I want our relationship to feel like it used to feel when we first started to date...it was always really exciting, and when he would call I would answer like on the first ring...I loved that feeling. I talked to someone else about this, and recently e have been spending a lot of time together and they think that it could be that we were spending TOO much time together and I've started to take him for granted. I don't want to do that, but I think it could definitely happen... I know that if you spend too much time with a person you end up getting annoyed by everything he/she does...and maybe that's what's going on with us. We've see eachother a lot recently..like Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and then Monday...and they were long periods of time...like hours. But then I think...what about peole who are married? They are with one person ALL THE TIME... HELP ME! D: |
What a great thread idea!
Okay heres my problem doc. I also made a thread about this so if any of you want to give me advice just look for my thread under life issues. Okay I have a long relationship with my bf and i recently moved in his house 3 months ago. Lately, we have not been having sex and i do want it most of the time. i have no idea why he doesnt want to do it. Im afraid he is sick and tired of me, the same ol` me. D; What should i do and why is he like that? |
I did ask about this one a while back in my own thread, but I'll ask it here since its still going on. I have a problem, and a friend has a problem.
My friend: Basically, two years ago, she went out with this guy. They broke up, it wasn't pretty because of mean girly manipulation, but then they made up, realizing the whole situation was manipulated, and they are best friends now. They started becoming real close last year, I mean, absolute best friends, could rely on each other for anything. Well, he started getting a crush on her, not a big crush, but a crush none the less. She found out by accident, and didn't know what to do because it shocked her, and her mind was telling her that she didn't want to ruin the friendship she had and to remember what happened last time, but she didn't know what she felt about it, so she just went with her mind. He asked her to homecoming, and she no. Well, she thought about it that night, and the next day, she was going to tell him she changed her mind, just to see how it felt (maybe two years of maturity would make everything better). But, her friend, unknowing of what had happened earlier that day, had asked him out that night, and he accepted. Well, I guess it was that night my friend realized that she could return those feelings to him, and she thought she'd brush it off. But, because he is wrapped up in his girlfriend, I guess it put a dent in the friendship, and she also absolutely misses that. Its been going on since September, and she just feels like crap. She says she will never let it get to her, but really, it has been. Any advice I can pass on to her? Now mine xD: Well, like my friend here, I swear I will never 'fall in love' in high school, or get crushes (partially since my last major crush who I thought I had a chance with turned out to be gay, I'm still friends with him, but it kind of threw a big dent in having a chance with him xD). Well, I've been noticing more and more guys are paying more attention to me, I guess. I'm not sure if its for romantic intentions, or friend intentions. Well, after 4 years of bickering with one guy, we all of a sudden started getting along this year. So, yesternight at our X-mas ball, he was looking bored, and I was really cold, so I did ask him to dance (half-way through a song because I'm chicken actually when it comes to doing that xD). Well, it was really ackward, and no matter what my friends said, I really feel weird about it, and hope I didn't give him the wrong impression. I've been enjoying this starting of a friendship, and I hope my random survival impulse to stay warm (which is really the reason I asked someone to dance with me, sad enough xD) didn't give him the wrong impression and would make things ackward with him. I don't know what advice I need on this one, but I would like someone's opinion on if one of the shy girls asked a guy to dance finally, what would you think? Thank you for your time! .:Gabrielle Viltras:. |
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Try doing something special. C: Like, not so much going out for dinner special, but like taking a walk together or something. ^__^ Because if that's all you do, then that's to be expected. xDDD It's sort of like eating the same food everyday; you need variety! xD |
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Oh, I'm sorry I've been sick and wasn't able to answer these problems. Anyway, there are a lot of romantic/exciting things you can do for your guy--even with little budget. For one, you can try cooking for him and preparing him a very nice dinner and you two could enjoy it. Or if you're not the type who cooks, set up a stargazing night with you two camping outside. There are a lot of things you could do, just try and be creative. Sometimes, you don't need to spend a lot of time together, but you have to make the time spent together very memorable instead. Hope that helped. -Shaney @Dreamz Hello! I think I did reply to your thread. But anyway, I'd like to still answer it here. So to be honest, I think you should talk to him about it. There's nothing talking can't settle. Or probably, set up a romantic "feel" in your room to lure him at that one special night. You could also try and research about his fantasies regarding sex--ones that he probably can't say no to. Hope it helps! Shaney @.:Gabrielle Viltras:. To your friend's problem, I guess the thing she should do is to really talk to him and tell him she misses the best friend thing they had. She should be completely honest to him about what she feels, I guess in a friend manner if she is concerned about the friendship. If she wants a relationship with him, though, it would be very hard since he already has a girlfriend and she rejected him at the first place. I suggest, if the latter is the case, is she should try and figure out how she really feels about the matter, probably cry about it if she needs to and then move on. It's not easy as it sounds, but that's the best way to go. As to your situation, if I'm a third-party observer, I probably would think you had a crush on him and finally had the guts. xD But then, don't worry so much about how others think. I pretty much believe that whatever your real intentions are, they're the most important part. If you're really just being friendly with him, there's nothing wrong with that. You should probably just make some move if he interprets it in a whole other way than you intended it to. Just don't stress about it. Hope it helps! Shaney |
Okay, so I have this boyfriend. Kind of. Well we jut started going out, and I like him enough I guess, but I'm still head over heels for my ex.. IT really isn't fair to said boyfriend because I don't feel nearly as much for him as I do someone else.
Plus I don't know if I even want to be in a real relationship right now! I'm not sure if I should tell him all of this or just such it up and see where the relationship takes me. He's a really sweet kid. He would never do anything to hurt me. He would never ever do anything to hurt me. And here I am about to hurt him bad. Grrz. Any advice, o sagely love doctor? |
@ Viki : I think that you should explain how you are feeling to your sort of new boyfriend. You should wait until you know that you are over your ex to date again. Make sure that you know what you are feeling. If you break up with the nice guy now, yes you will hurt him, but not as much if you let it drag on, because then he might start having stronger feelings for you, while you are still realizing what you are feeling. I think it is better if you let him down easier now, instead of hurting him more later on. You could always try to get back together with nice guy in the future.
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