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Losing her to change
Since 9th grade me and my best friend have been going through this on off friendship thing. I find I don't like being around her anymore because she's using drugs, drinking alcohol, having sex, and just flat out not caring. I told her how I felt about it and allowed her to decide to change it. Sometimes I reminded her how much it bothered me. And for some reason me not drowning my life in self indulgence, instant gratification, and pleasure, is me being a goody-two-shoes. No, I have morals. And strength in myself not to fall to my knees from peer pressure. I couldn't stand her behavior anymore so naturally, I pushed myself away. Then two Fridays ago emotions got very tense in our 5th hour class. She was crying I was crying. It was just... ridiculous. I felt horrible for pushing her away without telling her why but, I was happy I didn't have to keep my eye out for her anymore.
I don't know whether to feel good, or bad, about my decision to get the bad influences out of my life. Am I really just a goody-two-shoes? Discuss: Losing friends from them changing or even you changing. Making hard decisions. Peer pressure and how it has effected you. |
I wouldn't say you are a goody-two-shoes because well you said it, you have morals and strength to block out peer pressure.
You are one of the lucky ones who don't fall into drugs, alcohol, and sex. So be proud that you made it this far. As for her, I would still keep my distance from her. Still be her friend but not as a close friend. If any closer for a long period of time she might try to pressure you into doing the exact same things she is into. Pushing you away. I think it's best to see how she turns out later. Still keep an eye on her but only look for any changes. It probably won't bet any until months has past from you two seeing/talking to one another. Just try to move on from her but still keep some hope that she will grow out of it. |
Well my mom kinda told me the same thing.
Good to hear too. I can't be influenced by people that do that stuff. I want friends I can look up to. I will keep an eye on her but I can't garentee I'll care much. Mainly, I tend not to care when people bring problems on themselves and don't take care of it. I have moved on somewhat but she gets so emotional every time I've attempted to make it obvious I don't want to be as close friends as she wants. I'm a sucker for people that get emotional and I get emotional and I'm back at square one. Pushing her away until her next little fit. I think I need to change that about me and be like... "Crying won't help this time. O_o". >_< |
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Hm.. I`ve lost friends with them going to different schools and for popularity and changes.
But you`re being a really great friend by trying to protect her. This is a really hard decesion. And you`re not beeing a goody-two-shoes, you`re just being protective to your body. I can understand how totally upset you are, and it hurts to push away a friend. It really does hrut a lot. And she was only crying because she was losing you for her choices. And, I can udnerstand why you were crying. Because you coudln`t hurt her. I totally understand. :\ But you`re doing this for her good and your OWN good. Maybe you could talk to her parents about this problem, or someone that she trusts and someone YOU trust. Don`t worry, everything will be okay. Because of you she can be healthy and happy in the good sense. (: I hope I helped. :\ |
I think it's a good thing that you have decided to get what you see as bad influences out of your life. If you don't want to be around those sorts of things than you shouldn't be. I would hope that your friend would follow your lead and stop doing what she is doing to herself but, unfortunately, that rarely happens. I hope she sees the error of her ways and stops with the self destructive behavior, then maybe the two of you can mend your friendship.
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@Caroline
Yes. We used to often talk about why she did the stuff. Her only responce was "Because it's fun" and the ever classic "It makes me feel good" she never once gave me the opportunity to talk to her about her life if there was something going on. I know she trusted me too. So I know that she had no good logical reason to do these radical things to herself. I mean I helped her through cutting. I would help her out when she had a problem. It's what I always did. And then eventually things went for better for her and then she started doing drugs, so on and so forth. She could think of no reason to do those things. |
I think that its great your sticking up for yourself and not conforming to peer pressure. I know its really hard not to do that but I think if you do what you believe in then all shall be good. As long of course you try not hurting people and all of that jaz. I don't see why you need to be down on that level if you don't want to be. I know you feel bad about losing a friend but try to broaden your friendship circle if you can and make friends who are interested in you and what you like to do
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I had this friend in Elementary school named Mira. She was great, a wonderful friend and an awesome artist.
But when we went to different middle schools, she completely changed. She took to drugs, she tried to smoke, she was a completely different person. I tried talking to her once, but she just pushed me away. I asked her why, she said "Because I want to," or "Because it's fun." Ever since then, I haven't contacted her in any way. Peer pressure. Thank god it's never happened to me. I come from a school where it's a bit like Elite from Normal. Elite being the kids in IB, normal being normal kids. If IB students were caught with marijuana or something, they'd lose their IB status and get expelled. And IB is something like a gifted program, so more intelligent people are found there. |
no, you should have morals. I think you did the right thing.. I wouldn't want to watch as my friend slowly changes to something like that, then gets too addicted to drugs and so on.. >.<
she didn't want to change for you, why should you change to her? |
I've had that exact same problem - only I didn't lose her to drugs and sex. We met in 7th grade and quickly became best friends by the end of 8th grade. and then through 9th grade we were fine and always together except towards the end of the year. She would start getting mad at me for no reason and wouldn't talk to me for a whole week. and when I asked her "are you mad at me?" and she would respond "no - I'm just frustrated with you is all." And it would baffle me when she would hate me for a week and then become my best friend again. By 10th grade we fought more and more and more and couldn't stop. She never told me why she would get mad at me so finally one day after 5ht period I walked up to her and told her "I can't take this anymore" and walked off. At the end of the school day my friends were like "OMG you're so mean blahblahblah go talk to her omgomgomg" and I was like "Are you kidding? She never tells ME why she gets mad, which is quite often, and I am the one who is being mean?" I was pissed. We finally talked it out - it turns out that she would get jealous of me - I got into showchoir that both she and I had been wanting to get into and she didn't and she got pissed. I sang the same song as she did for an audition, which I GAVE her the song, and she got pissed. You know? Small things like that. So finally I pushed her away. And we're much better friends at a distance than best friends now. When I see her, which isn't often, we say hi, catch up with each other, and then move on. I go to a different college than she does, she has different friends than I do. We still take the time to say hi - but overall we both feel much better. I hated when I would cry in school over it but after we broke apart I think it was for the best - we were just dragging each other down.
Good luck! I know how it is and I think you made the smart choice! |
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