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My boyfriend and my depression ...
First off - I suffer from depression that ranges from mild to severe, and I also have mild post-traumatic stress disorder due to Hurricane Katrina. I am seeking treatment for the depression, ranging from medication to therapy to getting more sunlight and eating better. Without that knowledge the rest of this post likely wouldn't make any sense.
I love my boyfriend, I really do. I spent the night with him last night for the first time. We've been dating for almost two years and easily see ourselves getting married. However, he's determined to be making lots of money and have a doctorate before he even considers marriage to be an option, despite the fact this will not happen for another four years at least. Meanwhile, when I'm not around people, I have been going ballistic lately. I cry for no reason, crawl into bed in the middle of the day and make weird sad noises, and my apartment is a total wreck because I'm too depressed to do any cleaning. It's a sad state I'm in, and I don't think it's quite hit him how much better I would be off mentally (and how much better he would be off financially) if we were living together or married, despite the fact that I've explained it to him many times. Also, I have no interest in finding a roomate other than him, as my apartment is very small and I've had serious roomate troubles in the past. Any ideas on what I should do? Just throw them out there, since pretty much any reply will be appreciated based on the fact that it's human contact and I don't get [/color]much of that. |
Wow. I feel really bad now.
If your boyfriend isn't providing any sort of mental comfort, then maybe you could talk to your family. I mean, they can help you out, right? |
Well, I see where hes comming from. He wants to be financially situated before making a commitment because he wants whats best for you..
Then again, you are going through alot...Sit him down and tell him you need him, even if its only as a roommate for now. Tell him everything thats going on, no matter how embarrassing it feels to let your feelings out. And even if your feelings dont work, tell him it would be better if you two lived in an appartment together. You could split the bills, make it easier on the two of you. Hopefully, he'll atleast move in with you. Dont worry babe, you'll get through this *hugs* |
Well if your taking medication for depression, you should stop.
Anti-depressant pill DO NOT WORK. They make you worse then ever before. It would probably make you go a bit crazy the first few weeks without it but for the long run it should help you. As for you boyfriend, he probably wants to get stable first before marriage. I mean if you think about it, getting married costs a lot of money, along with school. So by the time he is done with school he would be in debt to his eye balls! So not having that whole marriage thing to worry about, he could focus more on school and how to get stable. You really need to talk to him about everything that has been going on. Tell him your a mess without that mental stability he gives you. Ask about if he can move in with you. Also, another thing that releases stress is working out. It does help you mentally and of course physically. So instead of going crazy, you can take it out on the treadmill. You'll feel a lot better afterwards. :3 |
Maybe you should get yourself a plant. I know this doesn't sound crazy, but when I feel stressed out, I have a comfort object. Watering a plant and talking to it might calm you down. You talk to something, it doesn't interrupt or call you crazy, and it never blurts out your secrets. Or maybe a stuffed animal that you like. Or if you really need something that's alive, why not get a small pet?
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We sound a lot alike, except that my boyfriend is an idiot and doesn't have a plan that doesn't involve him playing video games.
I honestly don't know what to tell you. D: |
I can understand him wanting to be stable before he gets married.
You shouldn't push him into getting married sooner than when he's comfortable with it. If he changes his mind later on, that's fine, but forcing him into it will NOT help things at all for either of you. You could try living with him. It's wise to live with someone before you marry them anyway. That way you would have your comfort and he wouldn't have to make a full-on commitment. You could have a talk with him and see how he feels about that. You two should probably have a talk about how you've been feeling anyway. I'm sure he loves you and wants to help you, especially if you're having trouble. If you need someone to be there to comfort you... I has a stuffed tiger, and he makes me feel better when my boyfriend isn't around. It at least helps a little bit for me to have something small and fluffy to hold. My doggie is good too. If you're allowed pets and can afford it, some sort of pet would be a nice option. Good luck. ^^ |
Boyfriend.
Well, how old are you? People always say if you get married too young it might not last. Though honestly I think if people really love each other it shouldn't matter, if they know for sure they're with the person they want to be with forever. Still you do have to consider your age, maybe he feels like he's too young. If you are able to afford living on your own he ought to consider it. I don't think marriage, or even just simply living together would keep him from his goals. It really shouldn't have any impact. You should try to at least tell him it would make you feel a lot better if he'd move in with you, even if he wishes to hold off on marriage for a bit. My mom has actually told me that living with someone before getting married isn't a good idea, but I'm not so sure I agree with it. Sometimes getting married just isn't possible right away, that shouldn't mean you have to be apart from each other.
I wish that me and my boyfriend were in positions to get married, or even live together, but sadly we're not, because we're going to college and we're miles away from each other, so we can only visit each other until at least one of us finishes college. But I think if we were near each other, my boyfriend would move in with me. I have no idea about getting married, he hasn't mentioned when he'd want to do that, but he has said he wants to live with me. That's one thing that I find very annoying, is waiting for a guy to make up his mind when and all that. |
Depression is reallly hard to deal with, I also suffer from that plus anxiety. My house is a total wreck and I don't have the energy to do normal things like go out and see friends and what not. But I find that writing things down, exercise, reading and spending time with yourself has really helped me. I am getting better by slowly getting out and about. I hope you and your boyfriend can talk more and you can explain somehow how yoou are really feeling.
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I'm the same way with my husband. Right now we don't live together and I have issues from other things. He tries his best to comfort me, but it would be so much easier if we could live together. I would talk to your boyfriend and explain exactly what you feel to him. I hope everything works out for you.
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