So, yeah... you've probably read about my current situation where I'm stuck between Bob and Fred.

Well, I decided to tell Bob the truth. He's not mad at me at all... surprisingly. We've been getting along great lately... a bit too great. I've cybered a bit more... and maybe on the phone too.... I know I'm only 15, but this all seems so right.

I really don't have a special attachment to Fred anymore... he's just a friend I've grown close to.
Something happened on Sunday that is like, wow, Bob asked me to marry him. I was so surprised. I had been crying because I thought I had hurt him terribly. I thought I had no important significance to him, but apparently I really did mean everything to him, and he does mean everything to me.

What has been bugging me though... is this really right? I'm only 15 and my life resembles one of an 18 or older person. I'm so confused... I have no idea what to do. Is it right to be engaged to someone you haven't met yet?

Don't say yes. Besides legal reasons, fifteen is a terrible age to get married. You're not done changing yet! As you grow older, your personality will continue to grow and develop even more so than it will as an adult. As you change, you might stop relating to Bob. That would ruin your life even further.

Also, even if you don't take my advice, go on at least fifteen IRL dates with him before marriage. You need to get to know him, and you need to be absolutely certain that he's someone you can live with for the rest of your life.

Also, try talking to your parents?

umm.. O.o that is really weird.. maybe you should be careful with this guy, I mean you haven't even met him yet and he wants to marry you? D: AND you're underage...

I wouldn't say it's bad...just unsafe. Adding onto the fact that you cybered. o-o

Ok, don't take this the wrong way, but you're only 15. Marriage?! That's way too soon for someone to get married. I'm 18 and I'd NEVER get married at my age! Young marriages can really be unhealthly, my dad married in his teens and it ruinned his chances of college and everything. Especially since you're in an online relationship, I would be extremely cautious with Bob here. You're so young, so full of potential, don't throw it all away! Love is a great thing but... You have so much to look foward to marriage would just take it all away from you right now.

Also, its very illegal to marry at your age.

I'm going to have to agree with everyone else before me, here. 15 is mush too young to be engaged. You're just limiting yourself to one relationship, when you need to be out there experiencing all of life. You probably aren't even completely grown physically, let alone mentally and emotionally. I'm not saying to dump Bob, or anything, he may indeed be the one for you, but you need to give this a great deal more time and thought. How old is Bob, anyway? How long have you known him? Do you know for sure that he is who he says he is? You need to meet and get to know him IRL, as well as online, before you even consider marriage. What is portrayed online may not be what he is really like. Online, you don't have to deal with the day-to-day habits and irritations of being with someone face-to-face. You can present only your best side. But in real life, you get to see and deal with the people at their best and at their worst. You really shouldn't agree to marry him quite this soon.

Yes yes, they're right. You should be a bit more self conscious about this. I think maybe when you reach 18 it works out nicer? Like ride it out... You can keep in touch until you're old enough, then get together? o-o Some guys are not the "person" for you... you know, call it fate. :/

Please don't say yes - you still have all your years ahead of you. Things might change in a month or so. Don't tie yourself down yet - you're so young! I know that "love knows no age" but you recently had doubts about Bob - so really - you might not be sure. He might not be sure - maybe he is only trying to appease you for now. Sounds bad, I know, and I'm sorry for saying it. But maybe tell him that you will consider it but not right now - because you feel like you are much too young. Not to mention you can't get married right now anyway unless your parents consent to it - so would your parents even be willing to allow that? and if I remember correctly - Bob is living far away from you? It would be so hard to be engaged so far away from each other. He is your online boyfriend right? why don't you get to know him in person before you make such a big decision you know? Because it's so hard - like I said - to have a long distance relationship...over the internet. Have you ever touched each other? Get to know him better. and don't make such a big decision - you're so young - you'd be tying yourself down. and would your parents be okay with it?

15 is way too young to get engaged, especially if you haven't met him in real life. I think that if you tell him yes, you are making a big mistake. Give yourself time to grow and mature before you make any big decisions like that.

I'd meet the guy in real life before deciding to marry him. He could be completely different off the computer.
Uhhh... 15? That's a little young to be marrying, wouldn't you say? If you wait a little longer, your chances of the marriage lasting go up exponentially.

As I've stated before, I firmly believe that internet relationships can work. But I do think it's a bit early to be considering marriage, especially at your age, and I do feel like proposing to someone is something that should be done in person, not over the internet. He can't even give you a ring through the computer! But, there's nothing wrong with considering and discussing getting married one day. You could agree that you'll marry each other if you're still together by the time you're of legal age to do so and have met. Personally I wouldn't say yes or no. If you love him, tell him that you'll marry him in the future if things work out. There's nothing wrong with considering it. And if things don't work out, then they don't. A lot of people actually get engaged and then later break up before getting married because they realize they're not right for each other. So discussing marriage now does not mean that you will absolutely have to marry him by the time you're even old enough.

This is not realistic...

few reason you may think you know someone but you REALLY don't... being face to face is completely different then online and this person could be a liar..

as for the engagement don't be so ridiculous.. you can't be engaged to someone you've never met, besides the fact you're only 15 you're to young to be worrying about marrying someone.. your focus needs to be on school...

so get over this false sense of reality and date REAL guys in the REAL world...

Originally Posted by SweetLilKitten

This is not realistic...

few reason you may think you know someone but you REALLY don't... being face to face is completely different then online and this person could be a liar..

as for the engagement don't be so ridiculous.. you can't be engaged to someone you've never met, besides the fact you're only 15 you're to young to be worrying about marrying someone.. your focus needs to be on school...

so get over this false sense of reality and date REAL guys in the REAL world...

I'm so tired of people with this attitude. You're right, getting married at fifteen is not realistic, but there's nothing wrong with dating online. Plus, even if they got engaged, they'd have to wait a long time before getting married anyways because of age and distance. She does need to meet him first before making that decision, but there's nothing wrong with the relationship itself. Please do not refer to people on the internet as not being real. To me, you're a person on the internet who I don't know. Does that mean you are not a real person? I shouldn't think so. And why are you bringing school into this? School is important, yes, but relationships are important too. If someone spends their whole life worrying about school then they'd have a rather boring life. You need a good balance. Work hard at school, but don't let it keep you from having relationships and a social life.

Originally Posted by Vickicat

I'm so tired of people with this attitude. You're right, getting married at fifteen is not realistic, but there's nothing wrong with dating online. Plus, even if they got engaged, they'd have to wait a long time before getting married anyways because of age and distance. She does need to meet him first before making that decision, but there's nothing wrong with the relationship itself. Please do not refer to people on the internet as not being real. To me, you're a person on the internet who I don't know. Does that mean you are not a real person? I shouldn't think so. And why are you bringing school into this? School is important, yes, but relationships are important too. If someone spends their whole life worrying about school then they'd have a rather boring life. You need a good balance. Work hard at school, but don't let it keep you from having relationships and a social life.

Lol How old are you?

You can NOT be engaged and NEVER meet someone thats just some fanciful idea in a teenagers head.. I NEVER once said an online relationship was not real nor couldn't work out... it could.. eventually, but most times it doesn't.. and you DON'T know who you're talking to.... trust me! you may think you know someone but you don't and the increase in predators is a SCARY thing.....

at 15 she should not be concerned about being engaged or married.. shes a CHILD. yes I said it.. she is a child.. she should be focused on school and friends and not being "engaged" to someone over the internet unless in a roleplay sense...

Originally Posted by SweetLilKitten

Lol How old are you?

You can NOT be engaged and NEVER meet someone thats just some fanciful idea in a teenagers head.. I NEVER once said an online relationship was not real nor couldn't work out... it could.. eventually, but most times it doesn't.. and you DON'T know who you're talking to.... trust me! you may think you know someone but you don't and the increase in predators is a SCARY thing.....

at 15 she should not be concerned about being engaged or married.. shes a CHILD. yes I said it.. she is a child.. she should be focused on school and friends and not being "engaged" to someone over the internet unless in a roleplay sense...

I'm twenty one. I never said she should get engaged. I said there was nothing wrong with having an online relationship, or even discussing getting married once they are old enough and have met. I also said that even if she were to get engaged, she wouldn't be able to get married right away anyways. I've been in an online relationship since I was fourteen. We didn't rush into anything like engagement, we're still not engaged, but I do plan on marrying this guy. We met in person a year ago and he has continued to visit me since then. It just seems like you are telling her to dump this guy and get a "real" boyfriend. I am aware that people lie over the internet, but not all of them do. That's something she has to be cautious about and determine for herself if this guy is lying to her or not. If people are lying, they will eventually be caught in their lie, even if it's over the internet. The internet does not hide everything.

not in the least babe I never said it couldn't happen.. and theres a difference between talking to someone for years then talking about marriage.. but 15? yes she'd have to wait nonetheless but it's foolish to even think about before EVER meeting someone...

trust me.. some situations end up good others are bad.. and you don't really know someone to you meet them.. its the same as you never know someone till you live with them you know?

Originally Posted by SweetLilKitten

not in the least babe I never said it couldn't happen.. and theres a difference between talking to someone for years then talking about marriage.. but 15? yes she'd have to wait nonetheless but it's foolish to even think about before EVER meeting someone...

trust me.. some situations end up good others are bad.. and you don't really know someone to you meet them.. its the same as you never know someone till you live with them you know?

Yeah I do think she should meet him first. I wouldn't marry someone I hadn't met in person either, but the idea of it was there before I met my boyfriend. I was lucky that he did turn out to be the same in person as he is online. In fact he's even nicer in person than online. But yeah I get what you are saying. I just get the impression that a lot of people look down on internet relationships because they think they aren't real or don't work, and a lot of times they don't, but sometimes they do, so I don't think it's something that should necessarily be discouraged, unless it is something the person just can't handle doing.

In my opinion, I'd rather you not get engaged until you've actually met the person.
I mean...no offense to Bob or anything, but maybe he's acting that way on the Internet? You never know.

I say that if you trust him that much, then visit him sometime soon.

THEN it's ohkay to go from there.
:]

As for your "acting older than actual age" problem, I've been there. My best piece of advice is to not resist it, because it'll make you really miserable. Have fun, but make sure make sure you don't get in too deep.
Or else you're screwed.
>_____________<;;

Good lucks! =D

maybe you should also consider getting to know him a LOT better in real life before jumping into any conclusions.
as stated, people can be very different from what they seem to be online.

I suggest you get to know him a bit better before taking this any further, and I do mean ANY further. Sure, you may know him perfectly ONLINE...but things aren't always what they seem. The Bob you know might be some artificial persona he uses for any number of reasons, for all you know...I'm not saying he DEFINITELY is, but I'm saying that it is very much a possibility. I suggest meeting him in real life, going on real-life dates with him before you make ANY kind of decision.

Also, age 15 is NO time to be thinking about marriage. I know some very mature 15-year olds (including one who can pass for 30 online!), but even to them I would object at their weddings. You've got school to think about (which changes people more than one might think), not to mention your brain still isn't fully developed yet (that doesn't happen until around 25)...so over the next 10 years or so, you're still gonna be changing a lot. Even if he's everything you think he is, you may not be in a few years.

So I say...meet with him in real life. If he's who you think he is, continue seeing him. See how that all works out, but DON'T go accepting that marriage proposal yet. If you feel you must, then...fake it online or something; I can recommend you a few places where you can. But don't go out and marry him until you're absolutely CERTAIN you're going to want to be with him for the rest of your life. This WILL take several years, I warn you. If you're both willing to stick it out, though, and are STILL willing to three, four, five years from now...then I'd consider it.

As others have said, you need to meet him for real and visit several times.

I'm in a similar situation, but I'm 26 and I have known him nearly 2 years. I've visited him twice and his mother loves me (mind you everyone's mother seems to love me) even if she tells me off for calling her "ma'am".

I would have to agree that you need to get through school and get some qualifications under your belt. You're so young and I'm so different from when I was your age.

For all our sakes, please don't do anything stupid or rash.

You never really know a person until you have to live with their hairs in your shower. Seriously, living with someone can completely change your preception of them. Instead of getting engaged, how about getting pre-engaged. Plan to live together for a while maybe. How will it work? Think out the paracticailties of it, then spend a year living together and if you're still in love, then think about planning a wedding.

Originally Posted by Yarrian

You never really know a person until you have to live with their hairs in your shower. Seriously, living with someone can completely change your preception of them. Instead of getting engaged, how about getting pre-engaged. Plan to live together for a while maybe. How will it work? Think out the paracticailties of it, then spend a year living together and if you're still in love, then think about planning a wedding.

I totally agree with you.. I think that if you haven't lived together for atleast 6 months, you don't know that person. xP

Wow o-o;;
That's an extremely odd situation.
Seriously >__<.
But then again, maybe that's just because I can't really relate :l

I think you should say no to him. I'm not just saying that because it's illegal though, there's a ton of stuff wrong with that in my opinion. You're 15 for one thing, and I'm pretty close to that age and at this point in my life, there's no way I would get married. You have your whole life ahead of you, look around more or get to know him (much) better before you make huge plans like that. Marriage really means something; make it last. Plus, and I'm sure you heard this a million times, you've never met him in real life so you don't know if he's really who he says he is. The internet is full of posers, fakers, liars, and all that crap =/. I mean, there's some cool people (like here on Menewsha), but I don't think you should get married to that guy. It seems ridiculous to be honest.

Although, internet relationships sometimes work out pretty well though. Like my cousin met a guy on match.com or E-Harmony or something and they met up in real life. And now, they're dating and he's a great guy for her and it's been over half a year. I'm really happy for them, but it doesn't always work y'know?

My bottom line is; Don't say yes to his proposal. But in whatever decision you make, I wish you the best of luck (:

No NO No NO NO!
I don't care what anyone else says about this Bob guy, HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU. He probably only wants you for SEX.
IF you do agree, you will be making the biggest mistake in your life.

You are TOO YOUNG to even be with this guy.
He, in my opinion, is a Sick Fuck. If he can make you believe that he is in love with you and actually cyber and have phone sex with you (if I read that correctly) then he obviously doesn't care for you WHATSOEVER.

Stay away from him because he is trouble.
If you do say yes, then by all means, it's your life's end. You will enter a world of pain after you finally find out about who this guys character really is.

This message isn't suppose to be taken as a flame but more as a HUGE warning to the OP. 15 year olds should NEVER deal with men twice her age because almost all of them have been sexually harassed and assaulted.