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Pregnant and regretting it.
So I'm pregnant and I'm really regretting keeping the baby. I know abortion isn't right but I'm only seventeen years old and I feel like I'm not done partying yet. I know it sounds selfish but that's just how I feel. The baby's father was the greatest to me when we first started dating and stuff but now it seems like it changed... I used to call him when he was with his friends and he'd pick up all my phone calls but now he doesn't pick them up. And now it seems like he doesn't even care if we break up or not. Before I was pregnant he always did. He was stuck up my ass. I think that just because I'm pregnant I will stay with him. And I'm not liking that at all... I mean I should stay with him because I want the baby to have a father and I don't have a job or anything and he does... Tonight he went out drinking with his friends and I tried calling him a few times but he's not answering his phone... This is really pissing me off. I'm really regretting keeping this baby. Although I am still kind of happy that it's coming, I don't know if I should leave him or not... Do you guys think I should?
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wow thats a lot.
Well if he is acting like maybe you should first try talking to him. See whats wrong with him. Maybe he is all confused about the baby, and needs to talk to get in under control. if that doesnt work then he is just being an immature child about the whole thing.And needs to realize he has a responsibility coming. If in the end nothing works maybe you should move on. I know you want to say with him becuase he is the father but do you really want your child to grow up around around a man who thinks getting drunk is more important then taking of he/she. Also if you in the end also regret keeping the baby and you know your not ready for it there is always the option of adoption for the baby. But in the end it is your decision. |
How long has it been since you two found out you were pregnant? If it hasn't been long, I think maybe you should give the baby's father a little more time... I'm sure it was a shock to find out about the baby, and seventeen is really young to become a parent. Still, it doesn't sound good that he's ignoring you now that you're pregnant. I hope he comes around soon, and good luck with him and the baby.
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Advice.
There is nothing wrong with abortion, and don't let anyone tell you there is. It's a freedom and a right and a choice that you have, and if you feel it is the choice you need to make, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. You are only seventeen. You are not at a very appropriate age to be taking care of a child. Obviously this guy is not either. He's immature and irresponsible and sounds like the typical asshole who gets a girl pregnant and then leaves. If your pregnancy is still in the early stages, I urge you to get the abortion, because you are having second thoughts about the baby, and it's pretty clear to me that this man is not going to help you take care of it at all, which is unfair to you. The child will grow up fatherless. And I see this happen all to often. It really seems that "families" are becoming nonexistant. Neither you nor him are ready for a child. And you have plenty of time to have another child when you are older and in a more stable relationship and can plan for it. And from now on please put more thought into who you have sex with and use protection!
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Nemui ~ I've talked to him a bunch of times about the baby and how I don't want him smoking pot and drinking alcohol and stuff. I mean he gets into a lot of fights with people who are dangerous and I don't like it. What if one day he gets killed or something then my baby definetly won't have a father. Cause these people won't just beat you up they play with guns which I think is dumb, I try to keep him away from it as much as I can but he always seems to find trouble. And trouble finds him. And he is the one who wanted this baby like really bad. So he shouldn't be confused about shit. Excuse my french. XD I would never give up my baby for adoption I've thought about it but I don't want strangers taking my child, who knows what they would do to him/her...
Caroline ~ We've been knowing for like four months now! He wanted this baby SO bad. I think I'm going to need the luck. :/ |
Well I can tell you what I think is right, but you already have told me you know. Sometimes though, knowing what is right, doesn't make it any easier to do. i am really sorry though to hear how your babys father is acting, that really is unfair to you and your child. What I can offer is this. I have a friend who is in here 60's. She had an abortion when she was about your age. She has never gotten over it. She has deep regret and has told me many times she wishes she could change the past. She now works for a clinic that helps young moms struggling with whether or not to keep their child. It is the only thing she has found that helps her deal with the pain of aborting her baby. I strongly suggest you talk to someone ( not just online ) before you make any decisions. There are consequences not only emotionally but physically too when you abort a child and its important that you know that. I understand that you don't feel you are ready for something like this, it is a huge burden to bear. I would suggest adoption as a loving choice so that you would not have to take the babies life away. There are a lot of people who would love to adopt because they can't have children themselves. I am not trying to be harsh, this is a very delicate situation that is not easy for anyone to deal with. But each life matters and I would hate for any child to be denied the right to live. I would also hate for you to look back and regret your decision. Please talk with a counselor so you get all the information before you make a decision. This is not something you should decide based on just the fathers actions. Its not right and its not fair, but neither is it fair to take away a life. I would like to help you find someone to talk to. If you pm, perhaps we can find someone in your area that could give you more information and help guide you through this. I hope this has helped you and I pray that you will be able to make a decision that you can live with forever. I know my friend would say the same thing, so I wanted to speak on behalf of her. I took a long time posting this because I feel every life is valuable and I want to see every child have a chance at that.
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that's really bad D:.. if i were you im gonna keep the baby.. wow what an asshole -_-.. did your parents know about this?
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Advice.
Quote:
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kimsasok ||
He's acting really irresponsible, and his behaviour is definitely not good for the baby. :/ I'd be worried that his actions may get you and/or the baby involved in dangerous situations. Does he currently have a job? Is he going to be home to care for the baby when it is born, and will he be able to bring anything to the table besides being the father? If not, I suggest you leave him. crunky || Kimsasok didn't say she wanted to have an abortion... :/ It could be even more difficult, not just emotionally/mentally but physically, socially, and financially to live with having a baby young when you are not ready. The life of the mother is valuable too, and I believe every female should have a chance to live her life without having to worry about a baby if she doesn't want to. I'm not going to bring any more of my views on abortion into this because that's not what this thread is about. |
... you know the best what to do... and why do you feel like this...
i don't know... people often change... maybe the love between you two had gone? i don't know... you should try to talk to him first... this baby is yours but his as well... you didn't do sex by yourself so yea... if you want to keep the baby i guess you should talk to him... now it's not just about you two... but the baby's good as well... if the things doesn't work.... leave him... but try to think clearly first... but i guess you don't want to spend your life wondering where and with who your husband is.... maybe he is not ready for a kid as well? i think you should keep the baby... after all it's not his fault, right? he is just a pure an innocent soul... it's not his fault for your and your bf mistakes.... |
If you give birth to a child - don't keep it and make it miserable. Adoption is amazing and the child will find a family willing to take it. You say you aren't done partying yet and you don't know if you even life the guy anymore because he's turning into a jerk...your kid won't have a father figure in it's life most likely and if you don't wish to take care of it - give it to a family who really wants it.
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well, i suggest still having the baby, i mean you are seventeen and if your parents are agreeing to this (which i don't know because u never said) then i suggest you still have the baby, but i'm not sure about staying with your baby's father and marrying him. he sounds like a good guy like a guy who would care for his daughter/son but if he's been treating you badly lately then you should think about it before actually marrying him.
i mean you can break up with him whenever you want, nobody's going to stop you unless he starts stalking you and tries to kill you O.O; also you should think the pregnancy through thoroughly before you decide to have the baby, keep it or not, or take care of it, it'a all up to you ^_^ |
If you don't want a baby, you shouldn't be forced to raise one. Abortion is always an option, if you're okay with that. Remember that you can find someone to adopt the baby. After all, you are very young and seventeen usually isn't a time in your life when you can really handle having a child. If you still want to go out and party, that's quite understandable. It sounds like you're not ready to have such a responsibility on your shoulders and therefore adoption would be the best idea. Depending on the family, you may get visitation rights so you can still be in the child's life. Keep that in mind-- you have a few months to decide what you want to do.
As for the father, he sounds like an ass. It's not really an uncommon thing for guys to want a baby, then get scared and run off when it actually happens. He really doesn't sound like the type that would exactly make a good father. I would never trust someone like that with my child. :\ Whether or not you want to leave him is your decision. If you do, I wouldn't suggest burning any bridges just yet. He could shape up to be a decent father, and later on he may want to play a role in your baby's life. If so, you're simply going to have to come in contact with him. You don't need to stay with him just BECAUSE you're pregnant, though... trust me, family and friends will be a lot more supportive than he is. I'm sorry he's being such an ass to you. If you need anything else, drop me a line, darling. |
If he got you preggers he has a responsibility, dear. I am glad you didn't have the abortion, my best friend from high school had one and it hurts her even now.
Are your parents there to help you, and willing? What about a mentor type person to help you out with like free babysitting and tips and moral support? |
Maybe you really should consider adoption.
It's not like you just hand the baby over to complete strangers. You get to see them a lot during your pregnancy and make sure that they're who you want to take care of your baby. The baby will be taken care of by people who are emotionally and financially able to take care of a baby, you'll get to continue your life, and you won't have that guilt that can come with an abortion. If you become friends with the adoptive parents, you may even be able to visit the child to make sure that he/she is doing okay. |
I am afraid I cannot relate to you on a same-gender level, but I can relate recent experiences that may provide some insight.
My older sister recently, well about six months ago, called me one night to relate to me absolutely staggering news. She was pregnant with the child of a guy she had been dating for about two months. While I liked the guy initially, further information about him really began to cast him in a new light. All in all, they decided to split. She told him she was getting an abortion (which is also what she told me) and he ended up two states away. Now, much to my surprise, my sister contacted me and told me that she in fact did not get an abortion. I personally disapprove of the whole situation and believe she shouldn't have the child as she's going to be turning 20 a single month after the child is going to be born. However, in this specific case, she has the support of my mother. She has a home and a family that will help her out. If she did not have that, I would have strongly urged her to place the child up for an adoption. It all really depends on your individual case. This guy, pardon my saying, does not seem all that respectable. If he didn't have the common sense to practice safe sex (the same goes for you) and now he seems "turned off" by the fact that you are pregnant he doesn't seem to be good father material. If you do not have the support of your family, I would strongly recommend giving the child up for adoption. It will be a life-changing action and you may come to regret it. HOWEVER, if you do keep the child, your extra resources will all go to that child, you may suffer in the work world and the schooling world. You can kiss your "party" life goodbye as well. If you wish for further support or advice, you really need to provide some basic background info such as what your parents think on the issue (if anything). |
I remember your last thread. Are you five months along now, give or take?
I'll say again what I said then. If you feel you cannot take on the responsibility, please give this baby a good home. There are too many children out there in bad situations. You are young. I fully believe you when you say you feel you're not done partying yet. My sister had my nephew at age twenty-one and nearly seven years later she's still not done. Her actions, though I'll spare details unless asked, show that she wasn't ready to give her own life up for him. There is nothing wrong in putting this baby up for adoption, should you choose to have it. People will say it's the father's responsibility to step up to the plate. While in theory I believe this is truth, it's not realistic and it never will be. You may not even get child support from this man, should things go badly. Fathers should be required to take responsibility, yet there is no concrete law. Not if they can work under the table. There are too many loopholes. I am in no way unsympathetic toward your situation. I am very concerned, as I always am when children are concerned. I know that you took a HUGE step in deciding to bring this baby into the world, and it's not easy when you're young. You're doing the best you can right now, but please, please think through everything and know it's not too late to give your baby AND yourself the life you both deserve. Talk to your parents. Express your concerns. And please feel free to keep us updated. You can always PM me for a listening ear as well. |
you have the right to be selfish.. you are only seventeen :/
it is too late to regret now though.. so if you really feel like you aren't ready to be a mom and give up everything, I'd suggest you do what Chianen Hoshino told you.. |
You still have the option of adoption, it would be a hard thing to do but, it sounds like it might be a good option for you. If you feel that you aren't ready to grow up and be a parent and yo still have a lot of partying to do, you will just wind up resenting your child. The baby's father doesn't sound very responsible and from what you said, isn't ready to be a father. It isn't a good idea to stay together just for the sake of the child, you will resent each other and the child and make the kid miserable. Please give adoption some serious thought, it might be what is best for you and the child.
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I'm a mom and I know what it's like to have that little being growing inside of you. You become a stronger person for him/her, stronger then you ever thought possible. If you honestly don't think you can handle it (and I wouldn't blame you, I felt like I was still to young at 23!) then you can give the baby up for adoption. I know that some biological parents stay in the baby's life as an aunt/uncle or family friend. There are so many people who can't have children who would love to have one.
If you do decide to keep the baby be prepared to be a single parent. Do not rely on this boyfriend! If he steps up then that will be excellent, but don't expect him to do it. I have a cousin who had a baby at 16 and she did great with him! He's an awesome little boy and everyone loves him. She was ready for him though (I didn't believe it but she proved me wrong). I hope that helps some in whatever road you go down. There are benefits and downsides to both of them, but in the end you'll manage and be okay. |
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