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MOTHERS! >:( HELP :(
I have an issue...and it's not just my problem. It's also my sister's problem.
But first let me give you a little bit of history, unfortunately it's going to be kind of a long post. So...I'm going to be 20 in June and my sister is going to be 18 in July. So her and I have already learned a lot of 'life lessons' you know the whole don't have unprotected sex...etc...all that teen stuff that you learn in HS. And we are not stupid girls. We are actually very responsible. I personally don't drink, have sex with my boyfriend and party. It's not that I don't want to, it's just what I feel like I can wait until I'm 21 to drink and I'm not ready for sex. My sister on the other hand does drink some when she goes to parties, but it is parties with ONLY her friends and she's spending the night and it's only a glass or two of something so she's not getting totally smashed and causing trouble. Although she does drink she does it in moderation and in good company. My mom...*sigh* this is where it gets a little bit confusing... We have these strange phones in our house where you can page people and talk (like an intercom) it does other crazy hi-tech things but I don't know how to use them...but one thing the phone does is monitor rooms. You can press a room monitoring button and then the room you want to monitor and you can listen to the what's going on in that room. And often my sister and I will talk about...whatever resque things, things that you probably wouldn't want your mom to know but it doesn't really do anything bad for your image...and her and I found out that our mom is monitoring our conversations. Another thing she does is when I talk to my boyfriend on my cell phone in my room she will monitor what I'm saying because obviously she can't hear what he's saying....gerr...is this making any sense? Because I am in need of desperate help! Her and I were planning on somehow catching her in the act, because if we just confront her about it she will deny it. But I'm not 100% sure on what to do. SHOULD we confront her? Should we get proof that she is doing it so we can totally nail her first? I feel like I can't trust my own mother. And that's really sad...I would move out but I don't have the funds to do that yet. ANNOTATED VERSION My mother is listening in on my and my sisters calls. WHAT DO WE DO!? |
Simply asking her if she has been listening in. No matter what her answer, explain that you value your privacy and would like her to talk to you instead of resorting to being a spy. Make a promise together to talk about the day's activities and keep her in the know. And ask her to promise that, in the future, she will respect your wishes to keep phone calls and personal conversations private. Shake on it if she lets you.
From there, make it a point everyday to talk to your mother and let her know what's going on in your lives. Snooping like this probably comes from the paranoia that you two are getting into trouble. If she understands what you've been doing, what you plan on doing, where your morals lie, the kind of people you hang out with, etc, then she might feel more comfortable about letting you live your own life. |
I say catch her in the act if possible so that way she can't try and get her way out of it. If it's not possible to catch her doing it, but you and your sister feel like she's watching you then you should confront her, because you all do have to have some kind of privacy!
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I'd ask her if she was doing it and if she was politely ask her to stop.I hope she doesn't go on the whole "I gave birth to you! I can do whatever the hell I want if it involves my baaaby! It's my house, you can listen in on your own conversations when you get one!". I'd say catch her in the act and record it or tape it. I'd suggest you get your sister in one room talking about "somethingsomething ;D" things with a friend of hers or so and you silently sneak into where or she's hiding or whatever. I'd also suggest you buy a net gun. o.o So when you catch her tell her to freeze and net her arse! Although, if she's anything like my mum she'd punch you in the mouth or something, I really know my mum wouldn't appreciate that.
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I think Knerds advise is absolutely spot on.
You need to have a heart to heart and try to get her to view you as an adult rather than a child, talking to her more about what you are doing will probably help. I was always very open with my mum and so she never invaded my privacy. |
I would say that a good idea wouldn't be to try and be sneaky and catch her doing it. She might notice the attempts and then think you're up to something else. As has been said, the best idea is to talk to her directly about the situation. Privacy is something to be respected and that should be upheld here.
Open communication is key. |
Mothers get a little worried as their kids get older. I know mine did, and I'm sure I will with my kids as well. Talk to your mom. let her know what you are up to. If you are going out and she asks where you are going tell her. Don't just say 'out' or anything like that. Let her know that she can trust you. I think Knerd said it best. <3
Catching her in the act is just about as bad as her listening in on you and your sister. (though honestly your sister shouldn't be drinking if she isn't old enough, the rules are in place for a reason >.<) how did you find out your mom was monitoring your conversations? |
No matter what you do she will still be your mother. If you don't want her listening in on your conversations talk to her. Talk to her about her listening in. And talk about everything. If you start talking to her and telling her everything that you feel comfortable talking to her about, like how you don't do drugs or have sex, she might decided she can trust you and that she doesn't need to sneak around. Let her know that if she really wants to know something that she should talk to you. It's better to talk face to face then one person spying on the other.
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In my opinion you should just confront her about it. If she denies it and you know she's doing it then you should get solid evidence that she is listening in on your conversations.
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One hand you can just try and sit down and let her know what you "think" is going on and let her know that you don't appreciate the invasion on your privacy and that you have not done anything that would warrant such an invasion (I have a rule with my daughter that I will respect her privacy until she gives me a reason not to).
Or....... and this would be an extreme. Be on the phone to your boyfriend (let him know what is going on in advance) and start coming up with some really big lies that you know would really get her going. Then when she confronts you.... YOU GOT HER. Then you can tell her how it was all a lie to find out if she was really listening in and that you would appreciate her not doing so. If it continues then just becareful of what you say until you can move out. You both seem like very responsible young women. I know that if you were my daughters I would be very proud of how you act in a very responsible way. |
make somthing up
i know it sounds messed but go on the phone pretend to call somone and be like i wanna have sex right now or somthing your mom would completely hate and when she confronts you about it liek are you havig sex or some question like that be like HA I WASNT EVEN ON THE PHONE STOP LISTENING ON MY CONVORSATIONS BETCH! lol you dont have to use my exact words >.< |
...I totally go along with a cleaned-up version of Sweet Summer's advice. Completely and totally. Even though it's mean, it's effective. ^__^ |
ty muziek
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Best thing to do is confront her face to face about it and when she asks all the questions, at least you can honestly answer. She shouldn't be so nosy in your life. If she denies when you confront her about it. Unplug and remove the phone from your room. put it by a stereo so it interferes or perhaps, go for a walk and talk on your cell. Tell friends and such not to call the house. Your mom is crazy and is monitoring your calls.
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umm..yeah devise a plan and catch her. you call your boyfriend, make a small announcement of it, nothing out of the ordinary, have your sister come with you, but only for her to go to a bathroom or something near by, you call your boyfriend, have your sister find your mom while you talk to him.. lol..not sure..but..that does sound a bit creepy, what your mom is doing, but I have been in a similar situation, but never confronted the person who was doing it, because they scared the hell out of me.
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