I'm female, 14, just finishing up my last 2 weeks of middle school before I get to leave and go to a new building with the exact same people (and I'm all-honors, so it increases the chances of me meeting no one new).

I just seem...different. From my peers, I mean. I don't know how to shut up and always say the wrong thing. I'm a major firecracker, but I hide it pretty well. Despite my above average (but not amazing) intelligence, I have the common sense of a squirrel, and am years behind in knowledge people my age should have. I can be insanely paranoid, and am to some small degree at most times. I actually care about school, and my future. Unlike most people I know, I have -never- drank or done drugs. I don't have a problem with them, it's just not my thing. I like to be aware of my surroundings because I do enough stupid things without adding alcohol or drugs. I have no confidence in myself. I fear most people I'm not close to, especially if I'm alone (this is more a learned behavior, my father used to lecture me so much as a child and tell me that all strangers would stuff me in their car). If I'm not doing something to humiliate myself, my friends are (normally it's me, though). I'm very absent minded, really random, and lazy. I don't know how to interact with people, let alone befriend them. I can be almost completely emotionless at times, where as sometimes I'm super sensitive. I'm years behind on trends. I just can't keep up with everyone else. I seem to attract mentally unstable people, and I'm not sure why.

Everyone seems to be so happy, so care-free. I don't know how to do that, how to let loose. I'm so uptight it's pathetic. I never, ever stop thinking (which makes it hard to sleep). I feel guilty about everything...I seem to think the world's problems are all my fault.

Even to many of my friends, I'm plan b. I get invited places pretty much only when other people are busy, if at all (except with one or two of my friends). In my classes, people really only talk to me when they need help with schoolwork (currently I have the highest average on the team, probably will for the year since it's almost over).

I hear a lot of conversations I shouldn't because, when I'm not talking, I'm completely invisible. I know where people get their drugs and alcohol, how much they paid for it, who's fighting who. And people don't realize that I pretty much never forget things like that.

I don't know what to do. I mean, next year is my only glimmer of hope-high school. And if it doesn't get better...maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I'm just a fuck-up.

Uhm...I know I need help, but I don't really know what.

Well my dear I'm not sure that you will get the answers in high school but I do know that besides the top of your class part you are exactly me like 9 years ago I was exactly like that when I was your age

I didn't have a boy friend till I was 17 almost 18 I only had one friend most of my life and then in high school I had a couple of friends but they would only hang out with me when It was conveint for them

but after high school when all those high school friends went thier own ways my real friends that are loyal that I have now (I'm 23)

I've known most of them for 4 years ( a year after high school) they like me for me and unlike me you are smart and you will go far when all the " popular people" are working at retail stores and fast

food you will own your own company or work as some sort of scincetist or doctor or nurse (whatever your smarts are) so take comfort in the fact that it won't always be this way and that you are not a fuck up you are

perfect just the way you are don't change you for anyone!!! thats what makes you special. you will be someone soon enough you will be their boss and they hate you now for that but just hang in thier I know it's hard but it's wayyyyy worth it!!!

I know what your talking about (my cousins say the same thing, they're all 15+ years older than me).

I had one boyfriend, some prick on my bus I didn't like too much. He broke up with me and then tried to destroy my friendships. Stupid faggot.

Thanks, I don't know I think that's part of why I stress. Everyone expects me to go far, to always have the answers. When I don't, I feel like I'm letting them down. It's really hard to live up to that.

I know how to take things seriously, but I normally don't, which I think is part of why people see me as odd, because when I have nothing to worry about, I'm the one of the friendliest people you'll ever meet, but when I'm in stress mode, I might eat you if you get too close.

I know what you're feeling right now. I am also 14, and currently suffering those problems too. Most of my classmates too just go near me to ask for questions about school stuff.

I know that you'll find someone who'll be always there for you. He/she won't let you down.

Just be yourself. You'll also have the confidence. <3

I'm still kind of like that. Some of my co-workers tease me because I just started college and I still haven't started drinking or trying drugs or anything. I STILL haven't had a boyfriend yet and I've dealt with feeling guilty over not having all the answers like everyone thinks I should. I used to be really shy too and didn't really have any friends at school or anything because it was hard dealing with people, however after I got my job in retail, I got over that. ^^;

You're not a fuck-up. There's nothing wrong with you- you just have different priorities compared to other teenagers. And when you feel upset that you don't have all the answers, remember that you're only human, and humans aren't perfect.

I know that everyone says that when your older school and people won't matter but I know it doesn't sound true and when I was your guys age

I didn't want to hear it but it is really true like LennaHime said when you start working to you will lose some of your shyness

i know i did and you will get more friends and be more able to get into the dating pool and yea your not always going to have all the answers

even when everyone expects you to so don't sweat the small stuff and hang in there until you graduate from high school and It will start to get better I promise.

I know where you are coming from. I felt the same way. In grade school I would get friends and then they realized they cared more about boys then me. In grade school I was invisible like you. Then in high school I found out that being invisible is fine because there are worse things. In high school everyone would say I was the one to watch because one day I would come to school with a gun. I never really made any friends but I kept going.

Now I'm in college. I'm graduating a semester early and my two first years are completly free. I don't have to pay for classes or books. My teachers love me and I got a job in the counseling department. I've made friends.

While life might be hard now it doesn't last forever. While it might not seem that your living up to what others think you should be at least your not on drugs like others and you work hard in school. As long as you try as hard as you can no one else can say anything. Just be all that you want to be and forget what others say. The only one that should control your life is you (and of course all the wonderful laws, lol).

It's good to know I'm not alone.

But still, I feel like I'm missing something everyone else gets to experience. And I hate it.

Do you want to end up drunk and hung over? I'm the same way, I feel like I'm missing something, but I'm quite happy the way I am. Just be happy the way you are <3

Hey, you know all the talks, the in-crowd is not always the right crowd.

BE ABOVE THE INFLUENCE!

Message if you need to, because I will probably not look here again.

I've been through exactly the same thing you've been discribing. constant guilt..etc.. only question is, why do you feel guilty..plan B..me too..but you have to be able to go out making plans with others. I wasn't and I'm still not able to fully solve my own problems ^^" despite going through what you're going through, I really don't have any ideas on how to help. All I can say is good luck.

You don't fail, actually you're just more prepared for the real world. I had a carefree friend when I was in high school, she always did whatever she wanted to do, go party, drink, drugs, sleep around. She did everything, her parents didn't do anything or talk to her about it. She just went on like that. She didn't do well in school, when she graduated she had a 2.0. When she got into the real world she couldn't get into a college, so she went to live on her own. But then she figured out she couldn't do anything other than party. Last time I saw her she looked really bad, she was going out with a guy who had just about as much sense, and they lived on his parents couch.

You are doing a lot better right now. You don't fail, you win.

YOU DON'T FAIL.

No really, I do everything that you listed too. Many teens act the way you do, it's because we're cool like that, haha. You DO seem more prepared than most people since you realized this and you're asking for advice from us, the masses. So relax, relax! You're doing fine as far as I can see. You don't fail at all, you're making effort to help yourself which means you care, which means you don't fail!

You don't fail, and that's final : D

You're not a failure. You think you're paranoid? I'm paranoid XD I obsess over myself, more exactly my appearance and weight. Every minute of when I wake up I always think about my weight, but that's besides the point.

It's fine to not have 'friends' in school because, I realized after my graduation ceremony that I will never see these people again. The people you know now you will probably never see again. You have only yourself to worry about and make your parents your best friends, because in the end the only people who will actually care about you are your family (most importantly your parents).

I was always the one who was the quiet one and had all the answers to everything. I too knew who was going out with who, who had sex with who, whom to get drugs and alcohol from, stuff like that. I knew every bit of gossip and the funny part was that no one knew lol

You're perfectly fine, and high school might be hard because you might not have 'friends' and shit like that. But that crap doesn't matter, because your education is the only thing that matters. It's good that your independent, depend only on yourself no one else is going to get you your college degree.

Just be strong, and remember that you are fine and not the only one in the world like this. I too have to realized that and I admit it is hard, but that's the truth. Welcome to being a teenager, it sucks; but it'll get better when you graduate from high school.

No, you're probably just more intelligent than most of the average population. I missed my entire eighth grade year because I was so unhappy. People are just miserable to be around, and I wish I could tell you it got better in high school, but honey, it gets worse. You'll make it though, if you really want to: I did. I have an IQ of 147, and some of the choices I make would make you think I've never taken a step outside my front door. There's just different kind of intellect in this world, and sadly, it's rarely well-rounded.

A year ago, I could probably spill my heart out to you, because I'm sure you're going exactly what I went through at your age. It'll get worse, then it's up to you to decide whether or not you want it to get better. In all honesty, the path I chose has lead me to understand that I enjoy being miserable, but I'm okay with that, and painful as it is, I'll live with it. Whatever you do, and whatever happens, don't shut yourself off completely as a result, because you will find people to talk to. Maybe not in person, but there's always someone, just like you, hiding their brain from their body.

As far as the thinking too much goes, my mom told me this a couple years ago: have you ever seen the poster of Einstein where he's riding a roller coaster and smiling? It's silly because he was so brilliant, but that's how he kept himself sane. Sometimes, you just have to be silly or stupid and turn your brain off...be like everyone else, or I swear to God you WILL lose your mind...

you cant fail at being a teenager. no matter what you did, how you act, or how different you are.

i feel like ive failed at life life almost every day of my life. I'm in high school and i have failed not only middle school but high school as well... I am always failing and doing the wrong thing. everyone does seem happy compaired to me and it todally sucks

i failed as a teenager as well i was bullied so it made school a whole tougher ehhe but i have come out of it ok now i have to get a job lol you'll do just fine, i know you will ;)

Be happy to be who you are :D You're a bright, intelligent, 14 year old girl who isn't a druggie or an alcoholic and who has a good future ahead of her. You don't have to be out getting pissed every night to be a teenager, infact most people drink to feel older than their teenage years. You've only been a teenager for 2 years, surely you can't be doing this bad already? :D Being a teenager is about new choices in life, going to college, listening to outrageous music your parents disgust and a few arguments here and there, those are just a few things off the top of my head.
Be proud of who you are, don't hide away in a shell :)