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I'm really confused about my feelings
EDIT: Steven and I are no longer together anymore, because I was no longer happy with the relationship between him and I. I also felt like I didn't pull my all into our relationship, because it seemed like the piece of me that I left with Nick is growing bigger with time.
So now Nick and I have been talking a lot lately, now he's in England, and we admitted to having feelings for each other still. And he wants me to go England to visit or even be with him. He's in the Air Force and I think he's living on base, so I don't know how that's going to happen just yet. All I know is that I'm absolutely crazy over him, and I'm more than willing to save up the money to go visit him. I've even previewed travel arrangements. Now, here's my problem. Steven is a friend of mine now, even though we just broke up. And he's asked me many times if there was ever a chance that sometime in the future we'd get back together. I, of course, said that there's always a possibility, but that I don't know for sure. I do love Steven still, we had almost a two year relationship...But I have sworn to him up and down that I didn't have feelings for Nick anymore. I hated lying and I hated keeping thing from Steven, but I knew if I told him the truth, it would break his heart. But, if I do go to England, I don't know how to explain myself if he ever finds out, because I know he will. Menewsha, I ask you. How do I break it to him without being rash? But I don't want him to think that I don't have feelings for him anymore, because that's not the case. Help? [/edit] This is my story, so it'll be easy to understand the situation at hand: When I was a freshman I dated Nick for about eight months, and we had a great relationship, but we broke up for stupid reasons over the Summer. He was friends with someone who was a really bad influence and very demanding. And this was when Nick was easy influenced. This guy, named Josh, turned Nick into a complete asshole and turned him into someone I didn't realize. Over time, they both started harassing me, turning my life into living hell. But through all this, I knew it wasn't who Nick really was, so of course I was still in love with him. When I finally broke free of them for the time being, I met someone at school. I've been dating Steven for 2 years starting November. We've had our ups and downs, but we've managed to pull through, and I love him. I lost my virginity to Steven, so naturally I have a connection with him. But something will not let me let go of my feelings for Nick, and I feel like I'm cheating in some manner by still feeling this way. While Steven and I were dating, Nick and I got back in contact. He was living with my brother in an apartment and I decided to visit, knowing he was there. We talked and he was the Nick that he used to be before Josh changed him. Apparently Josh and him got into a fight and Josh was moving out of state to Texas. We exchanged phone numbers and right as I left he started texting me, and he ended up admitting how sorry he was for treating me the way I did. I told him I wouldn't accept his apology until we talked about the whole issue in person. So we met up at my house and we sat down for the whole day talking about it. I was in tears, spilling out my feelings, and how me made me feel. Saying he made me feel so low that all I wanted was for my life to end. That's when he started to cry, telling me he wished I could have woken him up before he came the person he was. One time, Steven and I got into a huge argument, and I said I wanted some space. That same night, he asked out my best friend and she said yes. I was hurt and broken. Nick was there for me, willing to drive thirty minutes from his home just to see me and comfort me. A few days later, he asked me out, and I said yes out of my pure feelings for him. I was still upset over Steven, but at that time, that was how I felt. Somehow, Nick and I broke up, and we both agreed on it. And now Steven and I are back together. But I am no longer friends with the girl that he asked out. And now Nick is in the Air Force, and I miss him like crazy. And I can never get him off my mind, and me thinking about him makes my chest hurt. :/ I feel like I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I can't help feeling the way I feel. And I don't want to talk to Steven about it because he'll be hurt and I don't want that. So Menewsha, any helpful hints? :| |
Well, to me it seems like you've met the two that you really like. I wouldn't say this straight up usually, but it seems like Steven is a scapegoat for your feelings for Nick. I see where your feelings are coming from both of them though. And your former best friend was low for doing that :|
I don't understand how you exactly feel though. Do you feel torn? |
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And yeah she was, I don't talk to her anymore. |
Sugarcoated? So not sugar coated would be like...just using him?
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I don't want to use Steven but I feel selfish for wanting them both. :/ guh. |
Oh I see. I've never been to love-driven myself, so I'm not too sure what to say. Umm, maybe you don't know what you want?
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Just the other day he sent me a text about how he'd never forgot a moment in our past. And I was surprised he remembered something so small. I thought I felt my heart break. |
Who sent you that? Nick or Steven?
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Aw, well maybe he really does like you then. (Sorry, I just hate saying the word "love")
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That is indeed a tough situation.
I think what you need to do is really think through your feelings for both guys. Which one can you see yourself being with for a long time? Which one do you value the most? It sounds like you love them both. You just need to figure out which one you love the most. Unfortunately, there's no clear-cut right or wrong answer that I can give you. I wish there was. I can sympathize with how difficult this must be. |
Personally, I don't think your friend was low for going out with Steven. Unless she went out with him purely out of spite, there is a chance that she likes him too. And liking someone is pure feeling not 'being loyal' or 'being a good friend'. The crap that comes out of dating your friend's ex or getting asked out by your friend's boyfriend really pisses me off. Maybe your friend should have been more sensitive to how you might have felt or the situation that led up to this, but rather than hold a grudge against her, cool down and talk it out with her. Sounds like you need a good friend right now.
Anyways, to the main point. My suggestion is try stepping out of any possessive sort of attachments for a few days. Just clear your head and think things over. Explain to them how you feel and ask them to give you a little time. Its better to just shut things out and reflect for a while, rather than act upon impulses and try to make things work out. If they both care for you, they should be able to understand. They may be hurt that you aren't fully committed, but have a heart-to-heart. Address eachothers concerns, connect. |
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And I've tried thinking about my feelings. I've had feelings for Nick for four years, and they haven't seem to have simmered down any, only grew. I try to [not harshly] put them both on a scale and see which one is the best choice for me. But I look too far into things and start confusing myself. I've told Nick that I still have had feelings for him for a very long time. So he asked me why I was still with Steven, and I honestly have no answer for that. I've always promised Steven that I would never cheat on him [which I never have], or leave him for anyone else, because I love him. But if I choose Nick, I'll feel like I'm going back on my word, and I'll feel like I lied. I know I should have never made that promise. But then my feelings for Nick will always tear me on the inside because I know I wouldn't be able to do anything about it, and I guess I'm starting to get into that phase now because I'm starting to have more and more dreams about Nick. Cherry Flavored Antacid: This is true. I have loved Nick longer [four years] but I've been closer to Steven in a shorter period of time. I've always imaged a future with the both of them when thinking about it. How well that future will be, I don't know. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, I guess. :| |
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's sad so read if you want I'll get on topic in a minute. My last 2 boyfriends were also my 2 friends' boyfriends before... I asked my girlfriends if I could go out with them, and they agreed... But the boyfriend I have now wasn't my friend's boyfriend before in fact he's my freind's couzin lol. the feeling i get when i'm with him is way different i've never felt it before... i think anyways... I also liked my friend's other boyfreind but i'm like i'm not going to make this a habit, i only like them because i'm around them more i say to myself. and now i think that's true. So, thou, on topic now, I think you were in love with both. Nick seems to know he did something wrong now, and apologized. But Steven asked out your best friend the same night! did he apologize like Nick apologized to you? what you should do is write stuff down comparing them, if you like. one column for nick, one for Steven. start with one page for great times you've had, and one page for bad things that happened. then mark if they apologized for things and stuff. sometimes it helps to write things out... even if you just write some things then end up thinking the rest. |
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He'll be in England for two years when he goes, and I think he mentioned he's going somewhere else after that. I would love to be with him, but then what happens to Steven? He'll probably feel like I've betrayed him and left him behind. And yeah, Steven regretted making his decision because he only asked her out because of spite and curiosity. He did apologize, many times. But we fight a lot, and the apologies don't have the same affect anymore. They've kind of worn themselves out... |
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there are somany factors to love... i felt as if i was in 'love' with 3 guys at once, of course i wasn't even going out with any of them but they all were kind to me lol you have to look at your situation from afar which is what i hate doing because when i do it says 'you are doing everything wrong!!' sigh. So Nick is the one you were with for a longer time, like 4 years? and Steven, you were for 2 years. Both probably enough time to tell their true character? Just don't make any rash decisions... since you've lost your virginity to Steven I see the connection between you two. One question nags me was he a virgin too or not. You don't have to answer just think to yourself. My last boyfriend, I almost lost my virginity to. Turns out, that's basically all he wanted me for. Like a week into our relationship, we were at a school dance and he was teasing he could just carry me over to his grandma's house -[which he lived at] and toss me on the bed o.0 now that i think of it he's a total ass... he said he loved me, but i think it wasn't true love like husband-wifeto be love... Me and my boyfriend now say we love eachother, and I really mean it. I wouldn't say those 3 words unless they were true. ummm I post. |
Ok well from the stand point of someone who has dated a lot of men in her life before I got married to a man who I have been very happy with for 19 years...I can say with a fair amount of certainty that Nick is not the one for you. You've already tried it with him twice and not stayed together both times. In relationships the 3rd time is NOT the charm. If you can't make it work in two tries, chances are it won't work ever. Sometimes the best way to love someone is to not be with them.
Now as for Steven, yeah he isn't the one for you either. Honey he cheated on you with your best friend. A guy who would do that clearly isn't going to always put you first, and the odds are he will do it again. Spite and curiosity are not good reasons to cheat. I think you would do well to spend some time by yourself, get over the sadness and loss of these guys. Work to mentally push those thoughts away when they creep into your brain and then pretty soon you will be ready for a guy who will work out and treat you right. The best friend is no loss, there is an unwritten law that you never hook up with a friends guy, ever! No true friend would do that. |
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And as for Nick, we always had problems because we were young and had so many obstacles in our way. We broke up the second time because he was leaving to the Air Force anyway, and we agreed that there MIGHT be a chance when he gets back, whenever that is. And we broke up the first thing because he was going through that dependent stage, which I understand. Nick has always had a problem with his father, and he looked up to Josh as a father figure. But he didn't realize what Josh was actually doing to him, and he broke free of that. I had that same thing happen to me, I had a friend who I used to really look up to because she knew a lot. But I realized of how much of a controlling person she was to get whatever she wanted and she liked to play with people's hearts. I broke free of that and became a better person. Its usually things like that that teach us to be better and more honest to ourselves. |
Oh I see, well I hope you figure it all out real soon.
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Yeah, I guess I really don't know what I'm talking about anyways... I hope someone comes here who knows kinda what you are going through. :)
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Ok, ignoring what has happened between all of you, just from the way you talk, Steven isn't the one for you. Your statements tell me that you love him but you'd rather be with Nick and the only reason you haven't done this yet is because you would feel like you lied to Steven & the fact that Nick is leaving anyways. Well, that tells me that your heart isn't really in your relationship with Steven. It seems like you're more worried that you'll hurt him and not so much worried about losing or breaking the relationship. Are you maybe just comfy with Steven and don't want to lose the work you two have put into it? Cuz sometimes that's just how it goes. I've been there. Though in my case there was no other guy around. If Nick wasn't there would you still feel torn on whether you should be with Steven or not?
Blah, sorry if that makes no sense. I tend to babble and i suck at putting words down o.o |
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I've always loved Steven though, I can be sure of that. And I know somewhere I've been kind of leaning towards Nick. Steven and I haven't been really getting along because I've been shoving him away ever since this ordeal started. And yeah, I think there's a low chance with being with Nick because he's in the Air Force and I won't be able to see him. So I don't think Nick will ever act upon my feelings. But I'm not sure about that. Before Nick came back into my life, I always had small doubts between Steven and I, but I'm pretty sure a lot of relationships have. |
Edited addition to my problem. I would honestly adore any replied anyone has to give me. :/
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No one has any idea? :/
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