EDIT: The diet issue has been worked out to be my parents' attitudes about food, and the kind of foods I can and can't keep in this house due to lack of room and money and other related issues - see the bottom of this page for a few examples. I need to make them understand somehow that this is important...but no matter how hard I try to talk to them about it, nothing works.

I need advice as to what to tell them. If you have any ideas...please help.

End Edit

So...here's the thing. I have never really liked my physical appearance. But right now I have two HUGE issues that I would like some advice on.

One: I am overweight, and while it could LOOK worse, it doesn't exactly look great either...on top of which, with my family history, it's a HUGE health risk. And I do mean HUGE - even being a single pound overweight would be quite bad for me. With my family history, I'm actually one of the people who could benefit from being a little bit underweight.

And on top of that, the way it looks...DOES NOT suit what I'm going for. I am fighting MAJOR obstacles, hoping to break down the barriers of race and gender and actually become a visual kei artist.
Don't laugh, I'm very serious and I've got support already...and I only started really putting myself out there less than a week ago.

But the thing is...there is currently a lot of pressure on me to lose weight. And I've started eating less and less every day...I'm being REALLY careful about it, but I fear becoming anorexic. I keep telling myself that if I'm careful, and keep my mind in the right place, it won't get to that point...but I know other people who have thought the same thing and were wrong. So...is there anything I can do to keep that from happening?

I'm also already eating a lot more vegetables and healthy stuff like that...but it kinda worries me when I start debating whether or not I want to have four crackers because of 70 calories, or when I feel guilty after eating 1/4 of a restaurant meal. I'm exercising a lot more, too; my muscles are still sore from the class I took yesterday morning. But no matter what I do, I still feel guilty about eating damn near anything. I KNOW I have to, and I don't hesitate to when I do have to. But still, I'm afraid that feeling is the start of something awful. >.<;

And my perception is not skewed. I'm 5'11"-6'0", 250 pounds, size 16-18. I am not an average weight. I do fully intend to stop the serious dieting when I get down to size 6-8, but I want to make sure that "being serious" doesn't turn into "slowly killing myself." I have a lot that I want to accomplish, and that's why I'm doing this in the first place.

Issue #2 - My arms.
I am going to be honest. I went through a bit of an emo phase. Not so much the appearance, but the whiny music? I loved it, because I let myself be all "Ohhh, I can relate!" e_e My living situation sucked...and it still sucks, but the difference is, back then I refused to deal with it, whereas now I like to make the better of it.

And one of the less-than-pleasant side effects of that phase is that I have a metric fuckton of scars on my upper arms. Pretty visible ones. People have commented on them. I'm not just blowing things out of proportion.

I want to get rid of them...but I don't think surgery will be able to do it, plus I can't AFFORD surgery. I've been trying emu oil for about a week, and supposedly that's supposed to make a HUGE difference by the end of two weeks...but I'm not seeing any improvement yet.

It's mostly WHERE they came from that I'm ashamed of. I've tried making excuses for them, but it never works long - "My cat likes to sleep on my shoulders, but she's a bit of a klutz and falls off a lot" was one of the ones that lasted the longest, but eventually people always figure out where they really came from. Honestly, I'd hate them even if they weren't from that, because...they're ugly. But really, I could live with that if the story behind them weren't one of my own temporary IDIOCY.

I'm considering getting tattoos to cover them, even; make them less visible even if I CAN'T get rid of them. But really, I just want to get rid of them. Does anyone here know ANYTHING that could help?

I'm sorry for making so many threads in here, but the Mene community has always been really helpful to me. :sweat:

As for the scars, there are lots of ways to reduce scars.
Elastoplast, for example, has scar reducing plasters, there's scar serum.
Look up BioOil, too.

If you want to completely remove them, I think there's laser surgery for that, but it's probably very pricey and I'm not sure if it's risky or not, or if it will actually remove them completely.
It probably depends on the severity of the scars.

Anyhow, best of luck on becoming a visual kei artist, I'm sure you'll do great.

Oh, and as for the weight problem, don't forget to be careful with dieting and stuff.
My best advice would be to eat at your healthiest, just don't eat very little.
I'm sure you know that already, though.

Well as far as the scars, you could always try Mederma to get them to go away. It does work really well. It works for new and old scars. :)

And you probably already know this, but make sure you are eating enough. Eating very little won't help you lose weight, it just messes up your metabolism and can actually make you gain weight. But don't worry. Just look up your BMI and find out how much you should eat everyday and go from there. You can still loose weight, just do it in a healthy way. Like eating more fruits and vegetables, eating whole wheat or whole grains instead of white bread. Try cutting out junk food and candy. Or only have it on occasion, that's better. Drink plenty of water too! At least 3 to 4 cups a day. And of course exercising daily, but you already said you did, so thats great! :)

Hope I helped a little.. take care!

<3

Nah, scar removal surgery can lead to more scarring after it "heals" Too much risk in looking worse that way. Take the others advice with skin creams. If you're not sure what kind to use, a trip to the dermatologist won't hurt ^_^

Rather than eating less, you want to eat more small meals. Eat smaller (and healthy of course), more often. And fruit is absolutely PERFECT for diets. Beginning diets, during diets, and for weight maintaining. And if you don't like fruit, there's always other foods that'll give you the same benefits.

Getting regular exercise is more important than anything else. Attending a university where I had to hike to class every day made me lose a ton of weight without even noticing it. That's walking, not running-- you don't have to run to burn calories, and walking is nicer, especially when you're overweight to start with.

Once you've started exercising a lot, you can eat plenty and still maintain your weight, which is a failsafe in case you splurge (and everyone does! nothing to be ashamed of). Madd is right about fruit, which contains lots of healthy vitamins and such in addition to much needed fiber. There are other small changes you can make-- for instance, replacing white bread or normal spaghetti with whole wheat alternatives doesn't taste too different, is better for you AND keeps you full longer. If you eat many small meals and things high in fiber, you're less likely to overeat just because you feel really hungry. Eating more slowly also helps.

As for your scars, go with the skin creams. If people look down on you after learning that you had a hard time, though, isn't that more of a problem with them than something you need to fix about yourself...?

Regardless, if you're going into VK, body issues are going to become a part of your life forever. I'm sure you're aware of that, though. As long as you're doing the very best you can, you've got to remember that other people's opinions shouldn't matter too much to you. Otherwise you might go crazy... VK fans can be vicious.

It's not healthy to just eat less and less to lose weight. If you are really serious about it, try getting a lot of fruits and vegetables and nuts and things like that and just leave them cut up in your refrigerator and whenever you're hungry go in and grab some of that. I keep hearing it's better to eat a lot of small meals througout the day then to eat 3 big ones. Also, you really need to exercise, even if you just go for a walk around your neighborhood everyday.

As far as the scars, there are products that are supposed to lessen the appearance of them, maybe talk to your doctor and he/she can recommend something to you.

Reason for the eating small meals things is 'cause your body won't worry about starvation, therefore it won't keep holding food (fat) that it doesn't need. Constantly feeding it will force it to constantly burn. Exsercise also helps too, even if it's like DDR or something short everyday

Originally Posted by chadarnook

Regardless, if you're going into VK, body issues are going to become a part of your life forever. I'm sure you're aware of that, though. As long as you're doing the very best you can, you've got to remember that other people's opinions shouldn't matter too much to you. Otherwise you might go crazy... VK fans can be vicious.

Oh, I know that all too well...seeing as I've already been injured by them once....XD;; But I just want to get to a point where I can be happy with myself. I know there are gonna be some people who won't like what I like, because people are different, and I'm well aware that some people are gonna say I suck purely because of differences in personal opinion. Doesn't bother me; I've dealt with it many times before already.

*ahem* Anyway, to everyone, thank you for the advice, everyone. And I have been trying my hardest to stick mainly with fruits and vegetables - though it's not particularly EASY, since my dad is a junk food addict (I'm jealous of him - he works half his day in an office, then comes home and eats nothing but ice cream, potato chips, and processed lunch meats, and never gains a pound!), and even though I have no problem resisting it, there's practically no room in the house to keep healthy foods. I get what there's room in the fridge for, I eat it, and it's gone in a day...I think that's where I'm getting the idea that I'm eating too much. >.<; I'm probably gonna have to talk to him about that some time soon...and also to my mom about the fattening restaurant meals, and the freaking massive portions she cooks. Somehow she doesn't see anything wrong with the fact that she weighs the same as me, even though she's 8 inches shorter than me AND all but completely lacks muscle. And somehow she doesn't seem to see a link between that and her health problems. >.>;

I'm thinking of making dinner tonight, just because I'm so fed up with my parents' ideas for food. :illgetu:

And like I said, I'm already exercising a lot - now that my knee is mostly healed, I've broken out my DDR mat, and for the first time, I can use it painlessly for more than five minutes at a time! XD;; I'm pretty much addicted again, just like I was when I first got the thing...only now I don't need to stop after every song. And I'm taking a few classes, too, so that's helping a lot.

But, now that you've all got me thinking about it...I think much of the reason I feel the need to eat less is because of the fact that I can't really keep a lot of healthy foods around. I'll have to work on that. Thank you!

And for the scars...yes, chadarnook, you're right, and I've always recognized that. Unfortunately, a lot of people are way too judgmental...and if I'm putting myself out there like this, the LAST thing I want is people thinking I'm some unstable little emo kid. I mean...who wants to be involved with someone who might just snap and commit murder-suicide when things get too stressful?
Now, I know I'd never do that; I've gotten a HELL of a lot better at dealing with stress, plus even at my worst, I never took out my frustration on anyone other than myself...at least not physically anyway; I yelled a lot, but that was about it. But unfortunately, a lot of people seem to get the idea that either I'm a pathetic attention whore or completely psychotic when they realize where those things came from. >.<;

I'll definitely look into the things that have been mentioned in this thread - with all that's out there, I'll probably be able to find something that will work. Thank you again, everyone!

Oh man, not having room to store your healthy stuff is definitely a problem I'd discuss with your family. I actually was unable to lose weight for the same reasons until I moved out of the house; my mom's like your dad, always buying candy and junk. Fridge full of fudge, ice cream, and frozen pizzas... And yet, quoth mom: "If only I could lose 20 pounds!"

Regarding your worries about people's perception of your scars: Maybe you're right. I guess I'm just more sympathetic to people who self-harm because I've been suicidal so many times in my life (though I never cut because I was scared of sharp stuff). That, and I really don't care what other people think... like, at all. It isn't always a good thing, let me tell you. XDD

You sound like you've got a positive attitude about this, though, which is really important. I'm sure you can reach your goals eventually.

Congratulations on your knee getting better, Fullmetal Phantom! I've heard you talk about it and I've commented on it from time to time (Either as Tangerine Static or my name before I got it changed, Lantern Fish) and it's nice to see something is finally getting done.

As others have said, less food =/= less weight. Better to eat small things throughout the day. I recommend the Nature Valley Honey and Oat bars. They're good for you, and they taste a lot like graham crackers.

I'm not sure how much you know about the foods you eat, so here's some general knowledge.

First, make sure you're eating whole wheat! This means when you flip the bag over you are NOT eating "Enriched Wheat Flour". This means that during the refining process, it lost it's real nutrients and they artificially added them back in. Even some so-called wheat breads will be made of enriched wheat flour, so be careful.

Second, don't drink any juices that say "from concentrate". That means that it's NOT real fruit juice, just a lot of fruit flavoring with water added because it's cheaper to produce. It's not as good for you, and it's usually filled with sugar.

Third, 3500 calories is what you need to burn a pound. It's only safe to burn 1-2 pounds a week unless you get the okay from a nutritionist or someone who knows what they're talking about. Likewise, 3500 is what you need to GAIN a pound.

Hopefully this helps you out a bit! Good luck with everything!

EDIT: as for your scars.... while some people are more understanding then others, in the music biz people are absolutely ruthless. I recommend the cream or the tattoos, but as I'm sure you know the tattoos will be a problem if you ever plan to go to Japan with your music. Tattoos = Yakuza ALWAYS. D:

You shouldn't worry so much about the anorexic stuff. Plenty of people go on diets and do not have problems with it. There is nothing wrong with dieting. You already know you have a goal in mind. You know what size you want to be able to fit in, just stick with it. When you get to that size then you can relax a bit about eating. I'm a size 5 - 7 and I'll tell you, the only thing I do is eat when I'm hungry. I eat when I'm hungry and I don't eat when I'm not hungry. If you do that, you will be fine. While you're dieting and trying to lose weight, you will have to work harder at it and eat healthy, but when you get to an acceptable size and weight, then I think that's really all you'll have to worry about. Stop eating when you're full. Not before and not after. Really I think it's that easy. As for the scars, as a temporary thing I'd suggest maybe using makeup like foundation or something to cover them up. Just find one that matches your skin tone and use it on your arms when you are going to go out in public, until you decide on a more permanent solution.

First off, I'm sorry for not having posted back sooner.

@chadarnook I'm really glad there's someone out there who is sympathetic...most people I've met will either ostracize you for being "insane" or start competing with you to see whose life sucks the worst. >.<; So thank you for understanding.
As for me, I care what other people think enough that I'll try and fix things like this that I'm ashamed of...but not so much that it stops me from wearing my rather wild makeup on a daily basis just because I like it. XD

@Merrow: Yeah...that's why I'm saving the tattoo idea as a last resort. I've heard that the bias IS starting to go away...but the odds that it'll be completely gone in my lifetime are slim to none. Right now I'm debating which product to try first...and continuing with the emu oil in the meantime; it is starting to make a little bit of a difference.

@Vickicat: Makeup sounds like a good idea.I usually cover my arms anyway...but for wen I can't, I think that would work very nicely. I'll definitely remember that.

And @Everyone: Thank you VERY much for the diet advice. Unfortunately...the situation isn't getting any better, thanks to my parents. >.>;

They recognize that I'm really working hard at this whole weight loss thing. but they don't respect it in the least. For an example of what I mean...last night my mom took the family out for a "picnic" dinner. Took us out FAR from civilization with only the food she decided to bring. Which was barbecued chicken, barbecued ribs, barbecued pork, french fries, and heavily breaded onion rings. Nothing more. Not even a vegetable.
I called her on this, of course, and her response was "Well, I'm sorry, but it was on sale and getting anything else would have taken too long."

As if "I'm sorry, but..." makes the fries less greasy, or the fatty cuts of meat less fatty...>.<; I ended up not eating more than the smallest piece of chicken (which weighed roughly 2-3 ounces) with most of the sauce scraped off. And I felt sick after that.

This morning, they wanted to take me out for a family breakfast again. Which, where they went, basically means cheese, bacon, and potatoes.

I'm to cutting down on bad fats, starches, and carbohydrates...and I'm really TRYING to replace that with fiber and protein, but that's...not going too well, obviously. >.>; And it doesn't help that my dad's idea of fish is a Fillet O' Fish from McDonald's, and my mom won't eat anything supposedly healthy unless it's sauteed in a ton of butter.

I'd start just making my own food, but unfortunately my kitchen is awfully small for that. Does anyone have any idea as to how I can go about talking to them from here on? Because just telling them what I'm trying to do...isn't working. My mom actually seems to think it's healthy that I'm repulsed by the thought of eating thanks to the stuff that keeps ending up on my plate. >.<;

Would it be possible for you to go along when your parents do the grocery shopping and pick out your own food? Or maybe go to the grocery store by yourself and get some stuff? Maybe you could try going out to eat with friends or something and order food that you want, though I know going out to eat at places can get expensive after a while. If you feel like you can't cook maybe you could try getting simple healthy snacks that don't require cooking, like healthy cereal or yogurt or fruits or whatever that you can just eat without cooking. Something else I thought of, if you have to eat something really greasy like bacon or pizza where the grease pools on top of it you can take a napkin and soak some of the grease up, it won't really change the fact that the food is greasy but at least you will have gotten a lot of excess grease off of it before eating it.