Chikuma- Nice to see you around these parts -tips an invisible hat-

There is a very long list of gender neutral pronouns on wikipedia.

Back in the day in school textbooks "he/him" was gender neutral -_-. "A good boy always does his homework."

Now the most common one you see is "they" "A good student always does their homework".

xe/ze is he/she. And then for all the others it is hir which is a misspelling of him by one letter, and a misspelling of her by one letter, pronounced "hear". Him/her, his/her substitute. Also, hirs for his/hers, just adding the "s" on the end, and then hir+self, finally. It's basically just remembering "xe (ze) (zie) " and the base "hir". Those are the main two 'new' things to learn, and then after that you add on what you already know.

Crow!! Watch my vlog. lol.

sarofset- Okay, okay. Because you put two exclamation points it must be at least somewhat important to you, so I'll go check it out. :)

Thank you. :)

I just started a new job yesterday and I've already managed to teach one of my co-workers to call me zie or by name instead of she. He said it would take a while for him to get used to, but he did correct himself quite a few times afterward, and I'm so happy he's making the effort and everything! Like, everything about the job is awesome (except maybe the fact it was very quiet last night and there was nothing to do), but that just made my night. ^________^

Apparently, correcting oneself after forgetting to use the proper means of address is a lot to ask of someone... At least, that seems to be the problem I'm having with my husband. Considering the fact that I've had the same talk with him multiple times (and these talks usually lead to tears), is it really too much for me to expect of him to be able to do at least that much?

I'm in a similar situation with my partner. He keeps calling me lady, and I tell him I am not a lady, to which he replies "but you are!" >___< I really need to work out these issues with him.. it's sad when it's otherwise a really perfect relationship but there's just this one part of you that means the world to you, that the other person just can't understand (and seemingly refuses to learn anything about). *sigh*

Yes... And he says he's trying, but I can't really see the effort when he doesn't at least try to correct himself. I worry that, even though he's said he accepts me as I am, he really can't. It's like so far, he's fine as long as he doesn't have to acknowledge it--but now that I insist he does, there's a problem. If it turns out that he really can't be happy with me as I am, all parts of me, then I guess that would have to be the end of it. I don't think it will end up that way, but I suppose I have to be prepared for it if it does.

A lot of people seem to think it's a joke for some reason. I'm not sure as to why, but since it doesn't make sense or doesn't matter to them personally, it's somehow funny. They don't realize how much it matters to some of us. I myself don't care. It's really sweet when someone acknowledges that I'm a girl, but if they don't it doesn't bother me. I know for others it's really a big deal, and I respect it when it is.

To lighten the atmosphere... is it wrong that I found it funny that there was an anime convention held in a leveled area in front of an old church, and that there was a boy dressed like Alice in Wonderland in it? It got better when there came so many cosplayers the priest decided to close the church's doors... :sweat:

I'd call that more odd than funny. lol.

Originally Posted by Glitter Golgotha

Yes... And he says he's trying, but I can't really see the effort when he doesn't at least try to correct himself. I worry that, even though he's said he accepts me as I am, he really can't. It's like so far, he's fine as long as he doesn't have to acknowledge it--but now that I insist he does, there's a problem. If it turns out that he really can't be happy with me as I am, all parts of me, then I guess that would have to be the end of it. I don't think it will end up that way, but I suppose I have to be prepared for it if it does.

Same here.. he knew about me being genderqueer before we started dating and he said he was fine with it, but it seems he's never made an effort to try to understand it, and it's clear that he doesn't know much about it at all. I understand that he's never known anyone trans* before and therefore it hasn't really occurred to him to learn about, but when you're dating someone who is, I would've expected some kind of effort?
It's also difficult because like sarofset, this isn't something that is a matter of life and death for me. I usually don't bother binding, I'm fairly happy with my body and I dress somewhere between androgynous and somewhat feminine most of the time. And while I would definitely prefer gender neutral pronouns, I don't really mind the female ones that much, it's more a matter of principle for me than an emotion or dysphoria.
But it's just that the other day, we were talking about something, and it just hit me really hard that he really does not understand it at all, and I also realised how I have probably been suppressing it because of him, which I don't want to do.

As for the convention, is it wrong that I just would have loved to see the Alice-boy? x3

Ljos: Realizing the problem is only the first step. What are you going to do if talking isn't working?

Alice boy at your disposal!



xD

He did very good

That's an adorable picture.

My husband didn't really know about my gender identity until later in our relationship, which seems like a mistake on my part, but I was still coming to terms with it, myself, at the time. When I had a clearer understanding of my own feelings and what they meant, I let him know fairly early on that I didn't consider myself "female" and he said he had no problem with that. And I have reminded him off and on over the years of that same fact, and tried to explain it more and better along the way. He continued saying it didn't bother him until he realized I wanted him to acknowledge my feelings verbally and treat me as what I was rather than as a "girl". I know he'll never totally understand it because he, like many people, doesn't seem able to do so without having experienced it personally (and maybe not even if he did). However, he understands enough to know what I am feeling and how important it is to me--but he didn't seem to have been taking it seriously until I sat him down for the first "big talk". I've realized that I won't get anywhere by actually expecting him to work with me of his own accord. I have to bring up the subject regularly now to remind him and continuously reinforce the idea. It gets depressing because that also means reminding myself that he entered this relationship under a different impression (even though I made no pretense about wanting to be seen as a girl and did not act or speak of myself any differently than I do now) and I am worried that it could end at any moment if he feels that his initial impression was what he really wanted and that I no longer fit that well enough. So while he insists that he is going to keep trying and that he likes me as I am, I understand that he doesn't actually know whether he'll still feel the same once everything is out in the open and I'm finally able to be happy with myself and be acknowledged for what I am. This is going to be a constant worry in the back of my mind, and I feel it's making me distance myself from him a bit. I want to say "I don't know what to do", but there's nothing I can do except take his word for it and hope it stays that way. I'm not going to compromise my integrity or sense of self for anything or anyone... but I am scared.

...Looks like I went and rambled again. Sorry if that bugs anyone.

Ramble as much as you want, you need at least one place to be able to do that.

I don't pretend to understand any of what anyone is going trough, I'm perfectly being content with being a girl and have never doubted that.

But I do have a friend who is transgender, and it took me a while to figure out what I felt about that. Well, mostly how to address her. It just seemed easy to treat her the way she wanted to be treated, because of the way she acted around everyone. And I apologize if I'm putting my foot in my mouth. :sweat:

@Glitter Golgotha- That sounds like an emotionally torturous situation on your part. You entered a relationship with one idea in his head, and though claiming to be open he really had no true understanding of the idea and all the while you most likely have been supressing yourself. Have you tried any sort of couples therapy about it? Maybe a professional third party could get through to him.

Also, please, never pressured to aplogize here. I've said it before and I will say it again: This is a safe place.

I know it's hard, but this is not an issue you can suppress. It will... You won't like what it does to you trust me. Especially if you do it for a long time. You can't always make someone understand, but Crow is right, a third party might help. I'd look into it.

I hate mornings

@everyone; thank you for the replies.

I do think a third party might be helpful on one hand, but on the other I've always been very wary of such things due to personal experience. A part of me wants to see what someone else might have to say about it in hopes that some solution might be brought up that I haven't thought of... and another part thinks that this is our problem for us alone to deal with because only we can really know what we're thinking and what works for us.
So I've been thinking about it on and off, and with so many other stresses getting in the way lately, the idea has taken a backseat to doctors of the physical variety.
In the meantime, though, I refuse to keep going along with things that make me uncomfortable, at least as far as he's concerned. I don't think I'm ready to spring this on the family yet, though that time is coming. My basic thoughts are that I want to get my physical problems under control before completely tackling the rest of it, though I'll still be doing what I can (working with the people, like him, who I know should care about me regardless and will be willing to at least try).

I'm so very tired of feeling like crap. :(

What's wrong Sarofest?

I have a stress disorder. Whenever I'm stressed, I get severe head and muscle aches, and get sick occasionally. It's not fun, and it's not pretty.

O.. That definitely doesn't sound like a fun time. I guess you can only hope it goes away.