I think it's because I feel like I can really let some of the internal struggles rip online, whereas in person I think people would really look at me and judge me as being mentally unstable and a train wreck. They're probably not far off from the truth, but I feel at least online I have a forum of people who will listen and respond...and even if they don't and they read it and go 'What the fuck is wrong with her?' I don't have to see their face and hear their reaction...they can walk away as anonymously as they stumbled upon my post.

Arggh hubby is at court right at this very moment. I'm on my lunch break...nervous as all get out. Don't want to even attempt to contact him for another half hour to an hour...but I desperately want to hear what happened. >_>;

Just because you are having a hard time does not make you mentally unstable. You have a lot on your plate that you are not used to, so you are stressed. I really hate people who say people are unstable because mistakes happen. Not everyone response to a situation the same way.

Well yes I do have a lot on my plate, but I also know I don't respond to stress very well and this amount of stress...Yeah good luck. I've had a few days where I've been outside with one of my husband's cigarettes or a Djarum in hand frantically pacing and about on the verge of tears. I don't typically smoke, but when I get stressed out I have this itch to grab one and light up.

Luckily the court date is over. Things didn't go quite to our favor...We're still having to pay $100 a month on the other kid, but at least it's been reduced and the ex pays for the kid with her and we pay for the other's medical bills now. Instead a split of bills for both. I guess as time is going on things are slowly evening out and she's no longer having pretty much full control over both kids.

Ideally in the next year or two we'll get the other one to move in with us. His grades aren't so hot and the environment with his mom and her 'boyfriend' is not good either. She thinks she's doing best for him...But I honestly think long term he would be better off with us. Step daughter was doing very poorly in school with her mom. Her first report card is due out and she's gone from Cs and Ds to having an A, 4 Bs and a C. We're working on getting the C up to a B, but she's near honor roll now. She's also saying that school is going a lot better for her and she's making friends.

*huggles Izumi* i feel you so much. I'm to broke right now to go and buy a pack. But i've been feeling the need for them lately. I'd rather curl up in a ball and cry, pack my bags and get the heck out of here, or just ... dissappear rather than face my responsibilities and over stress most days.

All of the people on the threads I hang out in are seriously the only thing keeping me sane enough most days not to succumb to my darker thoughts. To meet me, you really wouldn't think I have them. i'm all smiles. And creepy suburban house wife is probably a good description. xD

Aww Shadami I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time too. :(

I try to keep myself more together in public, but it's easier for me too as I work from home and I probably spend a good 90% of my time at home. I think that's partly why I'm feeling more stressed. The thought of trying to find work outside the home is a stressful concept for me too, though, as I have a phobia of driving and have been working from home for the past 6+ years. Before that I lived in an area with decent public transportation.

Haha a creepy suburban wife.. that's me too. See told ya we all have the same interests/personalities. That's why we all get along so well and understand each other.

Just hang in there, things will get better soon. I just look at it as there are bad times and good times, this may be a bad time right now, but the good time will come back and i'll be thankful for while i'm in the good time. :3 Hope that helps.

Well this place died. :(

it happens during events

Yep it sure does. Oh well.

We will resurrect Ilonka's House of Insanity!

Was that too dramatic?

No it was perfecto!

i'm so sleepy..

Thanks Ilonka.

So whatcha gonna do today?

I need to clean house, then I can play here.
Though at the moment, I seem to be going in reverse order.

What about yourself?

llonka: I'm sleepy too. Is it nap time yet?

Tiger- lol I need to clean house too, but too lazy. and sore... my legs and butt are sore.. from trying to clean the turtle tank. guess that means i need to be more active..

Livi- I took a short morning nap earlier. I hope you get a nap in!

@Livi
hello there

@Ilonka
I'm not sure it means just that.
I should be more active too, though.

llonka: I will in a few hours, it's too early to convince Becca to nap. DARN! Are you feeling any better?

tiger: Hello there! How're you doing? :]

I'm good. Just cleaning house and stuff.
How are you, Livi?

Tiger- maybe i worked myself too hard? lol.

Livi- A little, still tired. This is kinda gross, but i've been bleeding pretty bad again so I think my anemia is getting bad again. :P Don't feel like doing anything but lay around and sleeping.

I think that's what it was. xD
Seriously though, being a mommy is a tough job at times.

It a tough job, add in going to college and having pets makes it worse.

Do you have any kiddos? I can't remember if you said if you do or not.

I have one daughter. Would have liked to have another, maybe a boy.
It just never happened.

You are a busy lady.

Awww I'd love to have a little girl. I bet she's cute.

I have two boys (if i didn't already say haha) mine are seven and five. plus i have hubby (insert laugh here) 8 cats, two fish tanks and a turtle. AND I'm taking three classes this semester. It's tough. I'm ready for this semester to be over, no way i'm taking more than two classes ever again.

You are Wonder Woman, it seems.
That's quite a houseful. I don't think a man could do all the things we
do during the day, everyday.