Menewsha Avatar Community - jokes and humour for Menewshans of all shapes and sizes

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- - jokes and humour for Menewshans of all shapes and sizes (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=214618)

Here's a good one:

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two radio antennae got married. the ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!

Lol I liked that one StarDustDreamer:

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A big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal’s skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what caliber the bullet was that killed the animal.

The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on.
They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced “Bear.” Then he felt the bullet hole and declared, “Shot with a .308 rifle.” He was right. They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their car trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said, “Elk, Shot with a 7mm Mag rifle. He was right again. Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a round of drinks.

Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind, and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. He said to his wife, “I know I was drunk last night, but not drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this black eye?”

His wife angrily replied, “I gave it to you. You got into bed, put your hand down my panties, fiddled around a bit and loudly announced, “Skunk, killed with an axe.”

[lol]

Hahaha, I like that one, stardustie

haha, now that was funny, a bit on the blue side, by definitely, laugh out loud, funny.
lol, I'll be telling that one down the pub Friday night ��

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After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."
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Subtle ways of letting someone know their fly is open…

The cucumber has left the salad.

I can see the gun of Navarone.

Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.

You’ve got Windows in your laptop.

Sailor Ned’s trying to take a little shore leave.

Your soldier ain’t so unknown now.

Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bell.

Paging Mr. Johnson… Paging Mr. Johnson…

You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

Your pod bay door is open, Hal.

Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!

Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.

Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!

The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

Dr. Kimble has escaped!

You’ve got your fly set for Monica instead of Hillary.

Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction…

You’ve got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

I’m talking about Shaft, can you dig it?

I thought you were crazy; now I see your nuts.

[lol]

lol, the Hilary v Monica skit was a laugh riot, but I'm definitely going to be mentioning sailor Ned's little ship to shore excursion at every given opportunity ��

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It got crowded in heaven, so, one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."
The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."
St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died.
"Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"
St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.
"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator..." ��

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A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.” The doctor continued, “Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.” On the way home, the husband asked his wife. “What did the doctor say?” To which his wife responded, “He said you’re going to die.”

[lol]

lol, I like that one.
here's a blonde joke with a twist ��

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A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it, and you guessed it, a genie appears.

The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."

The woman says, "Okay. Give me a nice house."

The genie replies, "You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two."

Then the lady says, "Give me a gorgeous man."

The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two."

The lady says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."

��

Philosophy joke! This is like the only joke I know...

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Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "Would you like a drink?" Descartes replies "I think not." Then he disappears.

hahaha, it took me a second or two, "I think, therefore I am" haha, that's too funny by five quarters ��

My sister told me this one last night.

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A man goes to a zoo but when he get's there he's extremely disappointed. There's only one animal there, a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu.