“No way in hell.” Colonel Roy Mustang told the three young officers in front of his desk.
“But chief!” Havoc pleaded. “I’ve been down there! The place is haunted beyond belief!”
“That’s exactly what you three were saying about the Warehouse 13 incident. I assume we all remember how that turned out?” Roy countered. “Central Command’s lower levels are not haunted. And even if they are, I don’t care. I learned my lesson about letting you drag me into something like this.”
“It’s not just the basement, Sir!” Fuery replied. “The ghost’s been wandering around on this floor too!”
Roy leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. “And where exactly would this supposed ‘ghost’ be on this floor?” he asked in exasperation.
None of the three men had anything to say. “Exactly.” Roy said. “There is no ghost in the basement of this building or anywhere else. Now can you please stop acting like scared children and start acting more like military officers?”
Havoc, Breda, and Fuery stayed silent and nodded in agreement. “Good. Then you know where the door is.” Roy sighed. It was like this every Halloween; people started spreading crazy rumors about some kind of failed alchemical experiment in one of the unused rooms; some kind of murderous lunatic who doesn’t exist running about; and, in the case of today, a malevolent ghost haunting Central HQ.
He stared after his subordinates as they left the room. They were good men, but sometimes they were…easily spooked. Roy had been serious when he’d mentioned the Warehouse 13 fiasco; he wasn’t about to let them reel him into something as silly as a rumor about a ghost, or ghoul, or poltergeist or whatever it was supposed to be.
***
Edward was grinning.
The typical Halloween rumors were flying about again, and he was going to use them to his advantage to scare the living hell out of that bastard Colonel.
Usually, Edward and his younger brother, Alphonse, would be spending this time doing some research. This time, they had a little extra time before they had to set out again, and he was intent on using it wisely. If you consider plotting to scare your commanding officer into oblivion wise, that is.
Alphonse, always the cautious one (and it seemed the one with the common sense) was trying to convince Edward to abandon his prank plan. “Brother, maybe you shouldn’t be trying to give the Colonel a heart attack.”
“I’m not going to give him a heart attack,” Edward replied. “I’m only going to scare him a little.”
“A little?! Ed, what you’re planning is more likely going to scare him to death!” Alphonse protested. He was right, too; Edward Elric was putting together a Halloween prank that anyone with an ounce of sense would see as a plan for either murder or suicide, depending on the victim. At this point, it looked like the short alchemist was trying to do both; enrage his superior enough to incinerate him as well as scare said superior so badly he died of a heart attack.
There was no way in hell this was going to end well. Alphonse knew this, and it was why he was trying to convince his brother to stop.
“Well well, what do we have here?” A voice said from behind them. A familiar, female voice of a certain Brigadier General.
“Tira!” Alphonse said as Edward jumped. He clearly didn’t hear his cousin coming.
“Hey you two,” she replied. “Ed, what on earth are you doing?”
“N-nothing,” Edward replied with shifty eyes. I can’t let her see this…she might blab to Mustang…
“Doesn’t look like nothing to me,” Tira said, striding up to Edward to get a look at what he was planning. “Hmm. Are you planning to pull a prank on Roy by any chance?”
Edward wasn’t expecting that. “How did you know?”
“Well, other than your Dracula costume, it was a hunch. Mostly based on your dislike of the colonel, of course.” His cousin replied. “If you want to be sure you’ve given Roy a good scare, I can help you out easy enough.”
Edward looked at Tira suspiciously. “Why are you helping me?” he asked cautiously.
Tira grinned, showing her fangs. They still mad the brothers shudder, even though they knew what she was. “Let’s just say I like seeing the colonel get the crap scared out of him.” She said. “Now c’mere so I can give you those hints I promised.”
Edward obeyed, albeit tentatively. She leaned forward and whispered something in his ear, and his face burst out in a huge grin. “Thanks, Tira!” he said happily.
Tira smiled. “We’re family. No thanks needed.” She said. “I’d better get back to reading those reports. I used the excuse of taking a lunch break to see what you two were up to.” She left the room, Edward still grinning ear to ear.
“Ed, what did Cousin Tira tell you?” Alphonse asked. Edward snickered.
“You’ll find out,” he said, clapping his hands. “I’m gonna use that to give Colonel Bastard a heart attack!”
Alphonse sighed. He could tell there was no way he was going to convince is brother out of the prank he was planning. And from the looks of it, Tira wasn’t going to stop him either.
Why me?
***
Roy was trying not to think of the stack of paperwork that needed to be signed. He was also trying not to think of what Hawkeye would do to him if he didn’t sign said paperwork. The thought of her pointing her favorite pistol at his head while he frantically signed the cursed documents wasn’t appealing to him at the moment.
In fact, nothing was. About the last thing he wanted was to be stuck here at the office. Where he really wanted to be was at home. In his bed. Sleeping. Unfortunately, whatever fates there were had decreed that he be called to the office at four in the morning instead of six. Some moron had decided it would be a great idea to set off the fire alarm in the middle of the night. Said moron was now receiving a lecture from Brigadier General Elric on the proper use of the fire alarm.
And so, the officers of Central now had even worse sleep deprivation than before.