Cause they want to do some work.
Why do people buy such expensive things?

because they have more dollars than sense.

Why do I wake up so tired after getting lots of sleep?

Because the bologna prince hypnotized you to believe you were ever asleep. He needs to take over the world.

What time is it?

Its five o'clock somewhere!

When will i ever like my job?

When the zombie king rises from his million-century slumber.

Will you tell me my future, O wise trout?

*the sound of bubbles slowly being blown underwater*

Can I get any worse?

Worse is such a broad turn... Ask again later.

Should this be hanging down like that?

Only if unicorns work in your bathtub.

Why are cows sprouting out of the television set?

I dunno... maybe you should flick them with your finger and see what happens?

How does a horrible person redeem themselves?

They go bowling while baking oreo cookies.

Why do boxes of tissues fall out of the sky every winter?

so the hibernating animals have something to blow their noses on when they wake up in spring with hay fever and pollen allergies!

What should I push instead of a push pop?

You should push the balloon that is falling from the swimming pool.

Why do bathroom scales talk?

because they feel lonely when no one has to go...
why don't chickens have chicken pox?

Because the cows stole it.

Why can't humans see ultraviolet?

Because if they did then the world would blow up.

Why can't I drive a car?

Because the moon ate a backpack.

Why did the owl throw the cake at the textbook?

Because he was on his way to the watermelon farm.
Why did that donkey poop on my fairy princess tiara?

Because the pasta was done being cooked

What did the cup say to the wall?