*breaths deeply*

This can turn into a doozie. To me flesh is an irrelevant container that holds the ego until your ready to go back into the nothingness of the All Mother. I just enjoy myself and try to make the people I love happy. Whether people believe in it or not the soul has been the a topic of debates threw out the ages. With many of the same arguments repeated threw out time. The cycles of life death and rebirth are constantly in motion and growing just as the seasons are. Just as we are. We are all pieces of the same spirit. One race, one Earth, one Sun, one multiverse.

So you see where I'm coming from I think a bit of back ground information is needed about my self and upbringing.

My first memory if from when I was three I was left out in the snow by my older cousin. He buried me in snow like it was sand on a beach and then put a heavy rock where my legs were under the snow. We had been fighting earlier because he didn't like that I had to stay in his room instead of him while my mom and dad were on a trip. I couldn't move the large rock with my 3 year old arms and my aunties house was a large farm so they couldn't hear me crying. He left me there and went home for dinner. I was very warm from struggling to get the rock off of me meanwhile the temperature around me grew colder as it got dark. After fighting for a long time I fell asleep because the snow was like a blanket.

When I woke up again in the waking world I was nearly naked and it was to the sound of one of my aunts saying "She's breathing!" The aunt I was staying with panicked and called my other aunt who happens to be a registered nurse. And though there is no medical records of it because the family "handled it". I know I died that day because of everyone's reactions around me. My parents came home from their trip immediately, My cousin got sent to Juvenile hall (He was 13 and should have known better legal age for a minor to baby sit is 12 in Canada) and then there's "dream" I had.

The "dream" was beautiful. And I haven't had one so vivid or similar since. The snowflakes became tiny sparks of light and I sat up. I found myself on the other side of the rock somehow. I just thought to myself huh that was easy how come I couldn't do that before. I looked back at where I was laying and saw myself still laying there. So I started to climb on and off of the rock jumping into the snow that didn't break when I jumped. It frustrated me that it wasn't crunching so I started yelling at it and hitting it. The bushes started to laugh at me yelling at the snow. It asked me why I was yelling at myself. That scared me because bushes aren't suppose to talk. The points of light that were the snow before formed into a woman.

She was radiant love. I was transformed out of my winter clothes into a sundress my mom made me. Her hair was crazy long. Like Rapunzel long. It also changed colors kinda like an opal or a spectrum. And it flowed around her like she was in the bathtub. Her hair moved around me and lifted me above the ground. She was also sky-clad (naked) and it made me giggle. She started asking me a lot of questions at once with out saying a word. "Why haven't you come home yet? Is there something important you want to do? What do you want to learn? Where will you learn it? Would you like a hug? What games are you playing? Will you have children? What will you call them? How many? Are you sure you want to? Am I a Mermaid Princess? Are you? You have faith they'll find you? Will you tell them about our game? Are you hungry? Do you want to stay still? Will you remember me? " Also during the time she was asking me these things I remember seeing my grandmother holding a baby with another child baby beside her. "They'll be waiting." Also some of the responses she gave to me and things she asked were silent, like it was censored spoilers.

When I was warped in her hair I don't know how to explain it...unless you've been on some kind of drugs. It was like I what I imagine being held by light or a rainbow would be like. I could feel the colours change in her hairs as they held me. She touched my forehead and ran her finger down the bridge of my nose before I woke up.

Best dream Ever.

A few years later when I was first in kindergarten (french immersion Catholic private school) I saw a statue of Mary and asked if she was God as a princess God. The Nun looked at me like I was the worst person in the world and rolled her eyes. I corrected myself and said Queen God instead of princess. She snorted and said there was no such thing as what I was trying to say and the closest thing would be called a goddess. Also that only stupid people long ago believed in more then one god.

Of coarse I never asked her if she was a separate thing from god I asked her if she was god AS a girl (Princess or Queen). I told her she was the stupid one and that god is Omnipresent (as I had just learn in class that day) why couldn't he appear as a woman if "he" wanted. I told her I know he like to be a girl sometimes too because I saw her when I slept in the snow and that he had pretty hair when he was a girl. I also pulled a "NUH UH! DO TOO!" on the Catholics having more than one god. (Holy Trinity, Mother Mary, Joseph, 3 wise men, 12 apostles, Lucifer, not to mention all the saints I listed on). . . yeah, I got pulled out of that school within 3 weeks of that school year. My parents we're not impressed with the way it was explained to me, and were very supportive of me.

That's when my still living grandmother starting teaching me about the Fae in her garden and Celtic Goddess on the side, while still attending church. Mom read me the story of the graces and 9 muses almost every night. I loved it and the beautiful pictures of the goddesses. My grand father told me about the Valkyries and how they would take all brave souls to "heaven". I was always hungry for a new goddess tale. Still am. I re-discovered Hindu mythology within the last 5 years. Amazing stories about the soul from that culture. Mom and dad started buying me different archeology books about Egypt and Mayans and Aztecs when the local shop ran out of mythic books. (When I was little there were no where near common place as they are today)

~

In my personal beliefs, I follow no religion but my own heart path. While I identify with The Mother figures from many different pantheons I don't have a specific set of gods or goddess I pray to. I think as I've always thought since I was a child. They are all the same Omnipresent spirit as the vision I saw in my dream. Sometimes the mother is Father and the father is a bush asking why you're yelling at snow. The story changes a bit with time, but it's generally the same. Also sometimes mother can be father and can become separate to tell us a story or truth. The name or names makes no difference because she is the same.

Light and dark co-exist in all of us. In all her aspects. She is love, hate and everything in-between. This life in which we are all currently experiencing isn't really ours alone because I believe we're all co-creators of the All Mother's soul. Animals, plants, people are all different drops of water in her ocean.

For less poetic people in the new fact based religion of science. . . think of her as Matter and anti-matter. She(we) is(are) light and dark, good and evil, the matter/anti-matter that both creates and destroys all the universes, dimensions and time. Simply put, she is all. Just like you, because your a part of her all. :)