So...I'm currently in the process of cleaning up and coloring this piece. I'm quite fond of the piece in itself, but a few things feel...I don't know, off. I've already picked out a few, but there are some issues that I really need help on.

The idea of the contest is to show why you would like a character of yours to be real...and this is my interpretation of that theme:
http://fullmetal-phantom.deviantart....t-WIP-76793514

Issues I already know about and am working to correct:

My arm is too long - fixed by raising the elbow and altering the angle slightly.
Hideto's eyes are a little too close-set
My eyes are too wide - already fixed on digital lineart
The angle of Hideto's arm seems wrong - I'm not quite sure how to correct this. Advice please?
And last, I think our faces look too similar - he's 100% Asian (albeit heavily idealized; it's meant to be an interesting little part of his character), I'm mixed-race (MAYBE, POSSIBLY 1/8 Asian at the very most, if anything at all); we shouldn't look that much alike - I'm using Cedarseed's guides to figure out how to correct this, but if you know any better ones, feel free to link me to them.
Added since thread start:
Heads are different sizes - fixing this
Hair clip does not affect hair enough - also fixing this
Most clothing folds absent - will be fixing this as soon as the lineart is cleaned up
Noses seem off - I'm not quite sure how to correct this. If you can see what exactly the problem is...please tell me. ^^;

Also, letting me know what you DO like about it can be just as helpful as letting me know what's off. I want to know what would be best left as is, so I don't end up trying to change too much and screwing everything up. I always find fault with this kind of thing even where there isn't any. XD;

Coloring style is gonna be a new type of cell shading that I'm experimenting with. It is not intended to be completely realistic, but I do want it to have a more realistic feel than most anime drawings.

And yes, I will post the completed picture here as soon as I'm done. :3 And probably a few more progress shots along the way, too.

And a little more shameless self-promotion: While you're there, check out my gallery! :mrgreen: *brick'd*

The thing that I notice first is, the heads are completely different sizes. One is a lot bigger than the other one. Another thing, the clip or elastic on the hair of the right person should be making the hair tighter and more clumped, so that should be shown. Also, the hands are too small, if you put your hand up to your face and compare it to the picture, you'll notice that the hand(s) in the picture are too small. Another thing is, there are no folds on the pants and on the coat long part there are none either! Same with the shirt(s). Also, the noses look kind of strange.

Haha...the thing with the folds is that unless it's REALLY complicated and/or obvious, it's rare for me to draw in the clothing folds in the sketch phase, because it's rarely apparent to me where they should GO until the lineart is cleaned up. ^^; And thank you...I'll take note of that...and add it to the known issues in the first post. Noses at front-facing or 3/4 angles seem to hate me...always. >.<; Any advice on what I can do to fix that? I've been trying to figure out what's wrong (aside from the lines I'm using as guides being really out of place for this style), but so far, no luck. ^^;

I'll make sure to fix the oddly-sized heads right away...I knew SOMETHING about the relative proportions was bugging me. Thank you. ^^;

No problem, as for the 3/4 angles for noses, sorry I can't help you with that, I'm not good at drawing realistic noses .______."

Advise/Crit'

The eyebrows are to short, draw a line from the corner of the eye out ward, then draw the eyebrows in and stop when they meet that line, I've learned that from experience. Your nose looks strange, like you were drawing it anime style but then switched to actual human features, try looking at yourself in a mirror and copying the way your nose is set in that pose, this also works for your eyes,ears,mouth and eyebrows.

I'd say it needs shading but it's going to be a colored piece so you'll have to do it when your coloring, you can also shade in fold lines, that way their more subtle and you don't have lines going through the clothing that makes the picture look a little messy.

I noticed the head size difference but from the way your both posed it's more like he's in behind you, so his head should be a little smaller, plus as you said he's asian and they normally have smaller frames and head sized then a normal middle american person, though if you wanted you could just re-draw the lines of his face and add a little more hair to get his head to become bigger.

From what I can see of the mouths there a little to wide, try and see if they look better a little smaller and wider/thinner, if they don't then just leave them be.

And your holding the book on the wrong side to be honest, if you have a notebook on you just pick it up one handed and look in a mirror, your hand will probably be on the other side or down at the bottom, and this will help you with the finger placement and hand size to.

The pants look very boxy right now, if you can try to make them appear rounder and folded when your shading them with color. And I just noticed that his leg looks a little weird, I think it's because of the leg line, I think you could just erase it and just color in some shading or make the pants a bit baggier.

Comments -

I love your hair, his looks a little thinner but I love the way you draw your hair, it's very detailed and cute!

I also like the pose you choose and the fact that you have them staring at the notebook instead of staring at you, always make it look more realistic 8) .

I also like your choices in clothing, there not overly complicated and will hopefully look very flowing when your done coloring, I also like the way you did the notebook, with the folded edges so people can tell it's folded in half, which i also like because normally you always see completely open books, very original :)

I think I'm done, I'll look at it some more and see if I can help out with anything else ^^;

nice drawing good luck with the contest!

Well, over all all, nice job. :3

Let's see.
I know his head should be bigger,
but in comparison, I think his head should be a little smaller to look proportional
with both his body and standing next to the other
person if you can afford to change it.

And the noses..hmmm..
'll give you a picture of it with
red line corrections later, okay?


And on the hands,
although I'm the last person
to be able to draw hands well,
I can tell that they are to small,
because I learned that they're
supposed to be about the size of the face. :3
And a little less stiff too.
I'll be back later. ;D :)


edit: Here you are. :3

It took me a while to figure out the hand pose, but I looked at my own hand and redid it.
I outlined some stuff just to make sure it felt right to me. And a lot of it did. :3
I fixed the noses, and the girl's eye width.
And a few other things.
Fell free to take away any of the changes you liked.
I just drew a few things I personally thought might make it better. (mainly on the face and the hand)
:3


Just try to draw faster, smoother, and less stiff lines, and it'll turn out great. xD