Yeah, so I've just written this essay, and I'm wondering if I can get some of you guys to proof-read it for me.
I know it's far from perfect but I just want some pointers, tips or advice on how I can improve it before I submit it to my teacher.
Please keep in mind that it's rather late for me and I'm trying to finish it before I have to start getting ready for school, I'm also getting over the flu so I currently feel like someone's smashing me over the head with a sledge hammer; none of these things are helping me to write this essay.
Dxx
As well as the fact that I'm only 15, my writing skills aren't going to be university level or anything, so don't expect anything written by Shakespeare. (And oh geez I just realized what a pun I've made. .___.;;; )

All comments are welcome, although try to keep them as friendly and constructive as you can please.
I don't think I can handle flames right now, is all.
xDD

Oh, and this is an extra-credit assignment.
Here's the essay question I was given:

“Shakespeare challenges our ideas of what men should be. How were his ideas different and/or similar to the stereotypes of men today?”

William Shakespeare. He is known throughout the world for his writings, both the poems and plays, and has a substantial list of them to boot. However one of this timeless writer’s most famous, prestigious and well-regarded works is without a doubt his play “Romeo and Juliet”. Being one the earliest well-recorded, as well as well-written, tragedies, this play is still used in theatres, films and TV shows today; even if the characters, setting and plot change, the ethics and idea of a forbidden love formed and then broken survives quite strongly, regardless of culture or time. The themes of the play itself are speculated quite frequently, whether it be about fates part to play in the death of the young lovers, or the idea of love itself, or perhaps the portrayal of masculinity throughout the play.

To fully understand Shakespeare’s concept of masculinity, one must go back to look at what was ‘in’ during Elizabethan times. During Shakespeare’s time, in order to be masculine, men must be tough and strong. Being able to survive perilous battles and to compete in arduous tasks were sure ways to prove one’s masculinity. In the very beginning and opening segment of the play, two members of the house of Capulet, Sampson and Gregory, are engaged in a joust; carrying ‘swords and bucklers’.


’Sampson: A dog of the house of Montague moves me.
Gregory: To move is to stir, and to be valiant is to stand; therefore if thou are moved thou runn’st away.
Sampson: A dog of that house shall move me to stand: I will take the wall of any man or maid of Montague’s.
Gregory: That shows thee a weak slave, for the weakest goes to the wall.’
[Romeo and Juliet; Act 1; Scene 1; Verses 7-13]


To lose a struggle, or to be seen as ‘weak’ would be shown as a loss of masculinity, and for that to happen was far worse then any injury a man could take; as acquiring injury in the line of a victorious battle was considered ‘honourable’ and ‘just’. Those who were less physically inclined were at further risk of losing jousts and duels, thus were perceived as being less masculine, thus being perceived as more feminine. Life back in the Elizabethan times were more simply complex for a man then they are today, especially when put together with the fact that homosexuality has become an accepted part of our society as well as the fact that starting fights in the street can get one’s self landed in jail. To be feminine was to be weak, and to be weak was a great embarrassment and blow to one’s pride.

However this concept seems to be one side of a strangely etched coin, as men seemed to be quite articulate, as well as charmingly suave, with their poetic words of wooing.

‘Mercutio: O then I see Queen Mab hath been with you:
She is the fairies’ midwife, and she comes
In shape no bigger than an agate-stone
On the forefinger of an alderman,
Drawn with a team of little atomi
Over men’s noses as they lie asleep.
Her chariot is an empty hazel-nut,
Made by the joiner squirrel or old grub,
Time out a’mind the fairies’ coachmakers:
Her wagon-spokes made of long spinners’ legs,
The cover of the wings of grasshoppers,
Her traces of the smallest spider web,
Her collars of the moonshine’s wat’ry beams,
Her whip of cricket’s bone, the lash of film,
Her waggoner a small grey-coated gnat,
Not half so big as a round little worm
Prick’d from the lazy finger of a maid.
And in this state she gallops night by night
Through lovers’ brains, and then they dream of lover,
O’er courtiers’ knees, that dream on cur’sies straight,
O’er lawyers’ fingers, who straight dream on fees,
O’er ladies’ lips, who straight on kisses dream,
Which oft the angry Mab with blisters plagues,
[Romeo and Juliet; Act 1; Scene 4; Verses 53-75]

Although poetry is not strictly possessed by the female population of today, to engage in it whilst speaking every day would be seen as more then a little odd; especially in the eyes of other men, when it comes to men. That is not to say that poetry is seen as slander, for men to use poetry on the odd occasion is viewed as ‘romantic’ and ‘charming’, so that would have to be something of a similarity between then and today. To have no poetic words to utter back in Elizabethan times would have been just as much as an embarrassment as being unable to participate in a challenge or duel, so to have the two so closely intertwined into the men’s behaviour and learning was something of a contradiction in itself.

Then, in the play, it is said that to fall in love is to cause a loss of masculinity; if the love is strong and true, strangely enough.

’Romeo: This gentleman, the prince’s near ally,
My very friend, hath got his mortal hurt
In my behalf; my reputation stain’d
With Tybalt’s slander-Tybalt, that an hour
Hath been my cousin. O sweet Juliet,
Thy beauty hath made me effeminate
And in my temper soften’d valour’s steel!’
[Romeo and Juliet; Act 3; Scene 1; Verses 105-111]

After Romeo’s paragraph after paragraph of basking and rattling on about Juliet’s beauty, there is yet another contradiction that he should see that very recognition of love and beauty as a blow to his masculinity. Although brawls are quite common today, they are not typically because of one’s family or heritage, although it is known to be a cause of said brawls; neither are they usually over honour or pride, a large majority of them being between gangs, or over alcohol or a female’s attention or some such nonsense. Slightly ironic that Romeo should give his life over such a ‘feminine’ thing as love.

None of these things make Shakespeare’s work any less in the eyes of most people’s eyes, although there are people who love to pick at everything they can get their hands, or rather eyes on. It is interesting to see the differences between masculinity and what is considered to be masculine and feminine when looking at them from Elizabethan times and the times of today. In the end, they aren’t all that different. As the saying goes, boys will be boys, and fighting against one each other to prove one’s self could be considered an instinct on their behalf, as well as many females too. Having feminine traits is nothing to be ashamed of, and for Shakespeare to be able to convey this message, although it be a little difficult to interpret at times, as well as others is probably one of the reasons his plays are so loved and well-recognized.

I think I went off topic a bit here and there.
And the conclusion seems way crappy.

Help?
D=

Aranel, essays and assignments like this are not allowed because in the past, people have been abusing the privilege when it was allowed, as stated in the rules here. Because of this, I will be locking this thread. If you have any other questions, please private message me. Thank you.