Okay, here goes. This is my first ever attempt at writing a story. Comments are welcome but please be gentle. :sweat:

Crying, a terrified wailing that stabbed the night and he had begun to hear miles back. He'd allowed his two guests to have freedom to go where they wished that night, but neither of them had returned to the house. This was the last location that he'd sensed them. They had gone far outside the boundaries he set for the rest of his house.
Nothing to be found in the livingroom or kitchen, he began to tense as he moved toward the hallway. There, just inside the hall, two scorched bodies. But no, these were merely humans. So where then, were they? What could have been powerful enough to stop them? There was a light on in one of the rooms further down the hall. There, at last, in front of a small box were the ashes of two of the most powerful members of his Outer Court, the surrounding carpet still smoldering. And inside the box, the source of the panicked mental cry, a small human-like infant, though obviously not all that it appeared to be. He picked up the tiny creature and it ceased to wail, staring up at him with burning emerald eyes that still contained a glimmer of the fire that had killed his friends. 'How,' he thought, 'could this infant creature hold such power?'

"Nikolai!" Sol stalked down the corridors of his home calling for the human nurse, "Nikolai! Woman, where are you?"
A tall, dark-haired woman came around the corner calmly as he called again. "I'm right here Sol, now stop shouting."
"What were you doing in the hall?" he asked, seeing the blood drying on her scrubs.
"Saros is at it again." she replied, barely represssing a smile, "He'll have a scar this time. She's doused her blade in Holy Water."
"Very well, I will speak with him. Now, I need you to check the hospitals in the area and find out this creature's name and obtain all her records."
"Yes, Lord Sol." she nodded taking the infant from him, "Did you ever find Vega and Nikel?"
"They are ash, it seems that they may have stumbled onto a lost little Firefly."


Well, that's it so far. I'll try to get some more up later. Thanks. :eager:

For a first attempt, not bad. There are a variety of grammatical errors and it reads a bit clunky, but overall, you have to basics under control. Good start.

@AbsolutionBot: Thanks! I'm sure there are plenty of grammatical errors. English was not a very strong subject for me in school. What I need is someone to proof read for me.

Yeah, it's also was a good idea to have a beta -- no matter how many times I read through a piece of my own writing, I always miss something, and I'm an English major XD I would just keep on writing, though, forget about the technical stuff until after it's all finished.

@AbsolutionBot: Thank you for the advice.

Sure thing :D I love to help <3

Okay so here is the next bit......

"Saros, you idiot," Sol laughed as he walked into the Hall, "you must stop antagonizing Deneb. I see she got you good this time."
"She cheated," Saros growled as he ran his had over the new scar, "or she'd not have won."
"That is a lie and you know it Saros. You egotisical bastard." Deneb sneered as she stormed into the Hall. "You said I could use any weapon of my choosing."
"I didn't mean a Holy weapon."
"Then you must learn to voice your meaning."
Saros began laughing uncontrollably, "You little witch! You knew I wouldn't think you'd use Holy Water."
Deneb stalked over to him and stared up into his face defiantly. "That's right!" she raged back, "You're far to trusting Saros, it's going to get you killed. Remember, there are more painful things that scar deeper than swords and such. I grow tired of your games, next time it won't be just a scratch.
Sol chuckled to himself as they watched Deneb leave. "Saros old friend, you'd better let her alone, she might cut something off next time."
"You think so?"
"Maybe. But come now I need your help. Vega and Nikel have been killed. I must contact Indus and inform him of his parents' deaths."
"And who will be Master of Tennessee now?"
"Ah, Saros my friend that is where I need your help."
"Me? I thought Pelori was next in line to be a Master."
"Pelori would be if she weren't so unstable. She was too young at her turning and she still thinks like a 10 year old, despite her many years. Although I wish for you to remain here, Pelori will never be able to leave the Inner Court."
"Lord Sol, I don't mean to question you but, I have no desire to go to Tennessee."
"I know, and I'm sorry but I promise your stay will be temporary. It was Vega's intention that Indus be Master after her. Though her court is unaware of it, Indus is only newly turned these 5 years past. Vega has been conditioning him but he requires a little more refining."
"Very well my Lord, I will do as you ask."

So, I read your comment about not being fully fluent in English, and it's cool that you'd try writing in a language that isn't your native tongue. And, like Absolution Bot said, the first thing is to just write, to get the words out and on the paper (or, in this case, on the screen). But editing is how we grow as writers... we see what other people write, and how they write it, and we change the words we've written, and hopefully, we learn from the process.

Some of your sentences come across as awkward in English. If you want to do that in your dialogue to show that your characters don't speak English as their native language, that's a neat idea, but at least in narration you should use the simplest, most straight-forward constructions you can... look at Earnest Hemmingway, or John Steinbeck as examples.

For example, in your first piece, you say:

Crying, a terrified wailing that stabbed the night and he had begun to hear miles back.

This is a great "hook," something to get the reader interested enough to read the rest of the piece. But it might be better to write it as "For the last mile, he'd been hearing crying, a terrified wailing that stabbed the night." This still makes the reader ask questions, wanting to know who "he" is, where he's coming from, as well as who's crying, but they don't have to spend time unravelling the sentence structure to get to those questions.

I hope to see more of this!

@Walkyrje: actually I never said I wasn't fluent in english. In fact it is my first language, I said that english wasn't a strong subject as in the class. More specifically the grammar part.