I'm so tired...
It was pouring, raining bolts. The water droplets—which weren't really droplets at all now--were approximately the size of the end of your thumb. The size of the rain wasn't really what would be called a hindrance. The annoying thing was that for ever second, the rain covered a square foot of space. And in case you aren't aware of it quite yet, that makes for a lot of heavy, soaking and potentially hypothermia-inducing rain.
She staggered a few times, letting her worn body slump against the trees now and then. She was in this state for a few hours, just continuously trudging on, unaware of the hours passing by dreadfully fast. When did she leave? Where was she heading, already? She constantly needed to remind herself of this very important 'details', because she found herself forgetting them more and more often. And being this far out into what should be a forest of ultimate death, she couldn't afford to lose focus quite yet. Even though quite a larger number of things had come and gone, escaping her senses, her usually overly-acute sight, she was still more than aware of the danger she was in. The danger she'd been in the minute she escaped that... that place.
Where was she, a few hours ago? Why was she there? What's my name? She shook her head and slumped against a tree for the umpteenth time that night. When had the sun set? Seven point three hours ago. Point four. Still going. It was odd that she was suddenly so aware of time. How much time had passed, how much time he had left, how much time she'd spent there, the time she'd take to get there. Wherever there is. Fuck, I can't afford to forget these things anymore. She let herself slide to the muddy ground, barely noticing the fact that she was sobbing harder than she thought she'd sobbed in a long time. Maybe since forever?
She was hyperventilating, and hadn't eaten nearly enough before leaving. She was, ironically enough, dehydrated, and lacked precious hours of sleep her body was now trying to claim against her will. I need to stay awake. I don't want to have to wake up. She growled, and shoved herself away from the tree, only finding it hard to stay up on her legs. She wobbled for a few steps, and eventually fell on her knees. She howled in pain, not caring enough to bite back the cry. Rocks don't GO there. Blood mingled with the mud and fresh rain. It was almost beautiful, or it would've been, if she could have seen it at all.
Blurred vision. Pained shoulders, shivering--wait, shit, I stopped shivering. Was her body slowly shutting down? Was she really going to have to go down like this? She sobbed again, uncontrollably. She really needed to get a hold of herself. I was saved three times before. I can't expect a hero now. She thought, trying as best as she could to remain sane and not just scream her thoughts to the four corners of the earth.
She brought a shaky hand to her chest, suddenly overcome by a coughing fit. Pneumonia is a likely cause. Why was she analyzing everything so meticulously all of a sudden? Because it's the only thing I can do now. She shook the thought away and got back up, almost forgetting the pain coursing through her left leg like quicksilver. She groaned and kneeled, violently groping at her knee. Saying it hurt would be an understatement.
"If there's a God out there," she started, trying not to choke on the rain as she lifted her head to face the mourning sky. "if You really exist, fuck you! Holy fucking shit do I hate you right now!" she yelled, and, oddly enough, felt relieved after doing so. Though, she figured, hating on God right now--that is, given He even exists at all--was a pointless thing. No God, spirit, entity, ether, time traveler, alien, android, ninja or average human could save her now. It would take a miracle, and... well, that sure wasn't coming anytime soon.
She was sent into another coughing fit and wheezed as she desperately gasped for air. It feels like I'm drowning. That was most likely one of the few coherent thoughts she managed to make out during that moment of chaos. Moment of utter discord among an even greater measurement of it.
A twig snapped.
"I don't..." she gasped, trying to breathed, but finding that her lung just wouldn't allow her that very affordable luxury. "Want... Don't want to die..." she hacked, trying her best to keep herself awake and conscious.
She was crying now. Like a child. For a moment, she could see the setting sun from the house's balcony, with the scent of burnt firewood wafting through the air. She could feel the warms, the sun's last rays caressing her cheeks. And as soon as the feeling was there, as soon as she had that vision, the autumn cold bit back harder and the rain pelted, icier than ever. A hand grabbed her shoulder harshly. She was sure that, had she been able to live through the night, she'd be awfully bruised. And it would've probably hurt for a few days, maybe even a week. She lingered on these small things, just because she needed a decent distraction from her more than predictable death.
"You look horrible."
Calm. Soothing. Like... a warm wave from the ocean on a bright afternoon, while the sun's still high. On a beach, possibly surrounded by friends? She let herself drown in the sound. It was so comforting, and those words were such a blessing--Maybe God's on my side for once?--that she just couldn't help but let herself get carried away. Thank God. I'll live. She thought with a smile, letting her legs give way underneath her. Her hero had come after all. She could finally leave the matters in someone else's... you can't describe hoe good that feels, what that feeling is. Euphoria, perhaps? I don't care, I'm alive. I'm a-fucking-live. She thought bitterly, chastising herself for even thinking about so many pointless things.
________________________________________________
Beep.
Funny. She didn't remember having her watch. Or her alarm clock on that weird buzzing/beeping thing.
Beep.
Hm... So, what else could be beeping? Certainly not her phone. She had lost if forever ago.
Beep. Beep.
Oh god. May she was... maybe that voice was someone that knew her from that place.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Yeah, that was definitely a heart monitor, if she ever heard one. And God--haha, we all know what He did for her--knows that she's heard enough to last a few lifetimes.
"She's going into cardiac arrest."
How the hell is a seventeen year old supposed to go into cardiac arrest?! Her thoughts were frantic, and she was desperately trying to think of a way to avoid death. Of course, calming herself was the second thing on the list, and she quickly tried to calm her hyperactive heart. Waves, home, firewood, voice—voice? She let herself get absorbed in her thoughts, too preoccupied with them to care about everything else going on around her. She would have to ask for the name of the man that had saved her life. She needed to know who God's messenger was, which angel had been bestowed on her less than worthy self.
________________________________________________
It smells like burnt firewood... she sighed and smile. She caught the action and would have opened her eyes, had she not been struggling just to breathe correctly. By now, she was aware she had a tube shoved down her throat and was desperately trying to adapt to it.
"Shhh... Calm down." the voice said--the voice. The voice.--accompanied with a brush of his hand on hers. It felt so warm against her frail, cold skin. Anxiety often tended to cool her hands to a point where they felt as cold as ice, which was obviously the current case. "A nurse is coming." he added, and that, as well, did more than you would think to calm her precious, raw nerves.
As a matter of a fact, it didn't take more than a few second before she could hear the resonating click of heels against the tiled hospital floors. She always loved that sound for some reason, now even more so than before. And for quite the obvious reasons. Time seemed to skip at irregular intervals. It was as though she would fall out of consciousness for a few seconds at a time, and be conscious for barely the time it took to register what was happening. If was scary the first few times, but she began having a good figurative laugh at the entire thing.
It took her a while to realize that she'd been unconscious at all. She felt like she'd been wide awake the whole time. She realized this when she opened her eyes, as though she'd just waken up from a horrible nightmare. And, well, that was pretty much the case.
The walls were a stark white, it was almost sickening--you should know she took a good five to ten minutes before being able to see anything decently. Where she was from, walls were black, dark, death-inspiring. They represented what you were going to face in the end. These walls just... Breathed sterility. Life. Heaven. Her little, personal yet utterly public heaven.
The mind-numbing beep of the heart monitor wasn't heard, but the warm hand was still on hers, for some obscure reason. She looked around for any indication of the time, and possibly the date? She wasn't too sure what she was looking for. I left that place... on the 17th. What date are we now? She asked herself, trying to find a calendar, or something that could give her an idea just how much time went by.
There.
October 26th 2005
She stared at the calendar for a very long time. She had been out for over a week..? She remembered waking up a few times, but, for Christ's sake, she never thought she'd be out for so long..! She hand on hers fidgeted a little bit. She turned her head, noticing two bright blue eyes starting straight at her. Not through her, like everyone else had seemed to have done thus far, but AT her.
"Uh..." she tried to say something, but found that her voice was completely useless. She was desperately hoping that it was just the fact that she hadn't spoken in forever that was making talking this difficult. Because Lord knows that she'd die if she wasn't able to speak.
"Oh, uh, right, you can't, uh, yeah... Just a second..." the man pulled away, revealing he was in a wheelchair, and steered towards his bedside table, where he got a pad and pen. "You can write down stuff with this. The nurses figured you wouldn't be able to talk." he smiled shyly, and she noticed how his hair fell around his face; he looked a lot like that teacher she'd had a few years back.
My name's Deirdra. I'm 17. I'm from Maryland. Where am I? Who are you? How did you save me if you're paraplegic?
"You're in the Virginia Hospital Center. My name's Jayden Howes, and I'm not paraplegic." he laughed at the last bit, as though he was stating the most obvious thing in the world. Deirdra frowned, obviously asking a question. "I got hit my a car carrying you, and got multiple fractures. You were relatively okay, though. Thank God the driver was sane enough to call 911." he chuckled lightly, and Deirdra let the information sink in, albeit very slowly.
She lay there on her bed, and stared out the window to her right. She was in Virginia... That was still pretty far from MD. What's more, this man--Jayden, pardon me--had saved her life even though it cost him his legs. And he didn't seem to hate her at all, nor regret his actions. He was her angel? He was the one God had sent down for her, after having suffered for so many years? She smiled, sadly, melancholically, gracefully, gratefully.
"Thank you." she whispered, trying to make the words as loud as she could. Jayden smiled in return, before the nurses came in to slide him back into his hospital bed. It didn't take too long for him to fall asleep; Deirdra quickly passed on a note to the nurse, who stayed behind seeing that the girl was scribbling down something, and smiled.
________________________________________________
Five months passed, during which Deirdra recovered marvelously well from her surgeries and various injuries. Every morning, she would wake up around five or six, and start to write down more of her life. Jayden had personally requested to learn more about her and who she was. Dei, knowing that her life was much too complex for her to express in words--she had obviously recovered her ability to speak--and had thusly requested the right to write everything down. Jayden had asked a friend of his to go buy a notebook for her to use, though he refused to let Deirdra reimburse him. "I'm the one who asked for it." he said, using that as a pathetic excuse to wiggle out of guilt.
Another thing Deirdra had noticed was the daily pot of flower on Jayden's bedside table. It wasn't anything extravagant; just three chrysanthemums. The first few days, the flowers were pretty random. From lilies to roses and passing through daisies. Eventually though, the two hospitalized 'companions' had learned that they both adored the same flower; chrysanthemums. Every since that day, oddly enough, the flowers weren't so random.
"Hey, hey Jay." Deirdra whispered hoarsely, trying not to alert the other nurses. "Take a look." she said, flipping through the pages of the nearly filled notebook.
"Holy crap!" Jayden sniggered, trying to stiffle his laughter as best as he could. "Shit, only a few months and you've got all that?"
"Yeah, but I'm almost done." she said, and something was off, oh so terribly off with that smile of hers. Jayden panicked for a split second; was she going to kill herself? Did she know she was going to die? Was she going to die? But he quickly brushed away those thoughts; five months into her healing process and she was already as fit as a fiddle. He overheard the nurses talking about two months spent in physical rehab. That reassured him. No, Dei wouldn't die. Not yet, anyways.
"What are you thinking about now?" Deirdra asked in a light giggle, hanging her legs on the side of her bed.
"W-what?" Jayden stuttered, blinking several times to try and shake himself out of his reverie. "Nothing. Just wondering when they'll come see you to ship you off to physical rehab." he answered, smiling his famous 'lalalaaaaa I'm so happy~' smile.
________________________________________________
Jayden was sent home only a few days after the number of chrysanthemums had started increasing, either a few days after they had officially passed the 5 month mark. He was a little saddened by his leave, but figured he could still visit Deirdra whenever he wanted. Dei, though, was just cruising through the days. Most of the time, she would try to walk around, trading her wheelchair for brand new crutches. She kept writing in her diary every night, right before going to bed. She found it so fun to be able to keep writing, even though there weren't so many pages left.
Those two months passed by faster than Deirdra thought they would. Seven months, already, that she's been there. Seven months since I ran away from.. god knows where. She smiled at the thought. Though, at night, she would often find it hard to sleep. Nightmares of things she'd lived and was thankful she didn't live through kept on coming back, much to her demise. When she'd first woken up several months ago, memories of her life before Virginia were vague, foggy, barely existent. But as time passed, those half-erased memories become more and more vivid. When Jayden was around, it was easy to go on day by day. She had someone to talk to, someone to care for her and whom she could take care of. Sure, the little girl who had recently been put in Jay's place was adorable, and Dei's maternal instinct kicked in whenever the young teen needed to talk or needed to call a nurse... But she was still far from comprehending the things that Dei had been through, or imagining the things she'd seen, unlike Jayden.
Jayden came by one day--his visits became scarce as he'd taken on a full-time job at a local restaurant as a chef(he'd sneak by a few dishes for Deirdra sometimes)--and, unlike the other times, he'd brought along a bouquet of half a dozen chrysanthemums. He'd notice how she looked a little more tired and depressed lately, so he thought that a few of her favorite flowers would be a nice thing for her. Just to cheer her up a little.
The flowers were abnormally fragile; as soon as they hit the floor, their owner having dropped them, it's as though the petals burst in what wouldn't be unlike bits of a broken white vase. A single petal, it seems, trailed behind Jayden's foot, but was soon held to the ground by a crimson droplet.
The next day, Jay took the day off from work claiming there had been a suicide attempt within the family. Because really, Deirdra might as well be his sister, cousin, or whichever family member you're close to. But when he got to the hospital, the nurse on duty told him that, not only had Dei been switched room, but visitors were out of the question for at least a week, perhaps even two. Looking more crestfallen than ever, Jayden was sent back home, flowers in hand.
________________________________________________
"Mornin', miss Deirdra!" the woman offered with a large smile. She and Deirdra had been sent to psychotherapy around the same time, and they got along surprisingly well.
Her name was Amely; she was twenty two and used to live in New-York and had moved to Virginia a few months before Dei was found and brought to the hospital. One event lead to another, and things started going downhill for her. As much and Deirdra admitted that Jayden was a big part of her psychological state progressing, Amely was also a very important factor. She confessed so many things to the black haired woman, it was unbelievable. Seeing as her diary/notebook was now full, the older girl was some kind of a substitute of the things she couldn't say directly. Amely was, needless to say, shocked about the things she learned. But she nonetheless kept the numerous secrets she was entrusted with, and Dei was extremely thankful for that.
"Morning, love!" Dei smiled brightly, laughing at the ridiculous scenes they would pull in the morning. Sometimes they'd call each other 'Bitch' or 'Whore'--all in good fun, of course--and obtain strange looks from the personnel on duty.
"Two years today, huh sugar?" Amely said, taking a seat in the love seat beside her two-year friend, giving her a hug prior to sitting down. "You must be so proud." she laughed, playfully hitting the young woman's arm.
"Oh so proud indeed, Captain Observant." Deirdra laughed, relishing the day of her liberty, which was rapidly approaching. She was told, a few weeks into being in the psychiatric ward, that she would be staying there for approximately two years, during which she would work on her self-esteem issues, her self-harm problems, her troubled past, trauma, and so on and so forth.
"So, what do you plan on doing once you get out of this place, huh?" Amely asked, almost flirtatiously leaning over the small round table and resting her chin on her joined hands. She was always one to probe with juicy details, no matter what the situation was. It could be about a party gone wrong, or what the stars did to make the American star system interesting.
Deirdra smiled boredly. The first thing she'd do once she got out of the hospital was to go out with Jayden. Nothing big, just a night out on the town or something. A little friendly outing to have fun, something she hadn't really had in what seemed to be ages. Maybe a little drinking? She WAS twenty one after all. And going out in a small little local bar had always been something she wanted to experience. You know, to be able to really feel how her characters lived, in the various stories she would write.
"Something tells me it has something to do with the handsome young man standing behind you."
Deirdra snapped out of her half-reveries and jolted up, conveniently hitting her head against Jayden's chin, who was purposefully leaning over the younger woman in a visibly failed attempt to catch her off guard and scare her. After a few minutes of more than enough apologies and glares directed in Amely's direction(who, as it seems, fled from the crime scene, leaving the echo of a maniacal laughter in her wake), Jayden successfully managed to obtain authorization to go outside for a nice walk. It was a beautiful day in June, and the weather was particularly nice as or recently. Cool temperatures made walking outdoors the ideal activity for anyone who'd been cooped up inside for so long.
"I finished that notebook a while ago." Dei stated, lacing her hands behind her back and breaking the silence that had been looming over them for several minutes. It wasn't uncomfortable, far from that actually. She just felt the need to say something. Something interesting and that actually had meaning, that is. "I wrote most of my life in it, you know. I'll give it to you the day I get out of here, 'kay?"
"Yeah, sure, I'll read it whenever you want me to." Jayden said with a smile, and they proceeded to walk down the path's park.
________________________________________________
Deirdra was beyond happy. Her heart... she could've sworn it had stopped several times, just in the doorway. She stood there for a while before running out, away, free. Just like she had been a lot of years ago. She couldn't even remember when was the last time she'd felt so carefree and happy. Dei was appointed an apartment and would be given a monthly allocation to help her get through the first few months back on track on her own again.
Jayden had called that morning; she said she was just getting out the next day. She had lied to him for a while about it, yes, but just so the surprise could be that much more... well, surprising. And enjoyable, too. Jay had said he was going to the mall not far from the hospital, and that he was going out for lunch with a friend(someone whom Deirdra had already met once when she was still having her injuries tended to). She would go to that small restaurant and then go straight home to 'break in' her new apartment.
"Hey, hey Jay!!"
Jayden turned around on the sidewalk; he wasn't going nuts, right? Someone really DID call out his name, right? After all, the chances of someone being called Jayden in that town were... Well, pretty slim. And if he was hallucinating, the psychiatric ward of the hospital wasn't too far off; he'd just turn himself in, he supposed.
Deirdra smiled, beamed at him, from the other side of the street. She was walking in the opposite way and just couldn't help but call out when she saw Jayden. It was, in sorts, ruining the bigger, better surprise she'd wanted to give him afterwards, but she'd been waiting for so long to get outside and be free. No one could hold it to the girl for being so ecstatic.
Jayden's heart skipped a beat—somewhere in the distance, he could here a truck honking. It should've been far, far away. But Deirdra just ran into the street. The first car stop. But only a few feet away from him, the truck's honk seemed a lot louder than it should've been. It was a lot closer a lot bigger a lot more there.
Everything was slow.
The headlights seem too bright, and that expression on her face--'I'm so sorry.'--what was that supposed to mean? Headlights don't flash so bright. Jayden was aware enough to know that, shock hadn't contorted his logic that much.
Wait.
Wait.
That van...
Just strangely started looking like that car that ran into him at least three years ago--
________________________________________________
The heart monitor beeped at regular intervals. In fact, no, recently, it had just started beeping faster and faster. He could vaguely make out voices, and could make out shadows hovering above him. Something that had probably shoved in his throat prior to his waking was pulled out, scratching it in its passage. His body reflexively coughed, though he felt no need to at all. His hand automatically came to his mouth, and upon trying to open his eyes, found that bandages covered them. He panicked a little, but quickly brought himself to reason. If he noticed the bandages it was because he could see in the first place.
"We're going to take them off now." Jayden simply inclined his head. Strip by strip, it was like little stolen breaths were returned to his skin and lungs(for some reason). "You can try to open your eyes now. We closed the blinds so you won't--"
"Open them." Jay croaked, keeping his head inclined as to limit the amount of sunlight he'd receive to his face. It was like staring at the sun on a hot summer day. It stung, a lot, and again he reflexively turned away not feeling the need to move at all to begin with. He cracked open an eye—hey, it's not that bad. His other eye. Everything was fine. He smiled, and looked over to the right, where he assumed Deirdra has demanded to be placed. Because of course, after the truck accident, she had to have been hospitalized too. And, and maybe he'd just gotten shards of glass in his eyes, or face or something.
There wasn't anyone in the bed.
Panicked lightly gripped him; it's okay, though, she probably just, you know, left to go to the bathroom or anything. But he couldn't see a chart near or on the bed. His head jerked to where he caught a glimpse of a calendar.
October 31st 2005
"No. No way that's accurate. We can't be in 2005."
His breath started to accelerate. His heart rate was going up, the monitor's beeping was going faster. He was breaking in cold sweat, shaking like a leaf. He looked on the side table.
The chrysanthemums were there.
There was a little notebook beside them.
Where was she..?
"I'm sorry sir, she passed last night."
'Dear Stranger, thank you for saving me. I'll be on my way now; I'll be seeing you soon.
Much love! and eternal gratitude,
Deidra.'
