@Psy:
I'm always impressed by people that can write poetry. It scares me greatly. D=

@Maiden:
-hands your Muse a bandaid-
Have you tried Write or Die? It's not always that effective for making you write anything good, but it tends to make me write. If only so the alarm thing doesn't go off.

Oooh, I've heard about the Write or Die thing before. I'm definitely going to try it out, thanks for reminding me about it! =D

*Mai Googles and bookmarks*

Guys starting Wednesday, I wont be on as much. I start school. My senior year. Way so much homework plus I have to watch my little sister after school. I'll try and get on after I do my homework and help her with her's but I cant promise much.

@Book:
No problem. Life comes first. Also, if it makes you feel any better, my senior year was pretty easy once I got back into the swing of things. =]

I'm BACK ALL! <3
Sorry I haven't replied here for a while (or posted ^^;), but I've just been quite busy. I still haven't done much with my story, hehe :sweat:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOOK (or belated)!!!! <3

Hiya Ziv! Nice to have you back!

THANKS ZIV
By the way guys today is my first day of school. Not looking forward to it one bit. My boyfriend doesnt wake up for a few more hours so I dont have his comfort, so wish me luck today, Im going to need it. Im hoping to write some when I get home seeings how we wont have homework yet. Ill probably post what I get written tonight in a forum, but Ill let you know.

@Book:
Good luck! The first week or so is always hard. I'll be going through the same thing next Monday.

Okay guys, I sat down and wrote a bit tonight. I want to know what ya'll think.

It was a cold summer night. Her cigarette burned slowly as the darkness crept closer and closer. To her left her boyfriend of five years lit one more smoke before thinking about going to bed inside their South City apartment. As the sun dipped slower and slower under the cover of the horizon, the temp dropped lower and lower. The Pall Mall butt dropped from Saline’s hand onto the pavement of the third story pent house porch. She stepped on it letting the hot embers burn into her bare foot. They could hear a faint sizzle of a mix between the resent rain and her skin on the Pall Mall. To her it felt good. Burns made her feel better.
Saline wasn’t perfect, nor was she a self- harmer, she just liked pain. She also liked the color green and black. When Saline was fifteen, she wrote a song to her dad about the stupid green eyes he gave her; he abandoned her and her little sister when she was fife and her sister was three. Up until she was fifteen, she thought her mother’s eyes were green and got them from her, but as soon as she found out, the words started forming in her head about “these stupid green eyes and a fantasy.”
Cable on the other hand loves her green eyes and tends to get lost in them. His mother and father were never married, and still are not. He always hoped they would but knew they wouldn’t.




Theres not much there. Thats all i could do for the time being. What do ya'll think so far?

@Book:

Originally Posted by book

…the temp dropped lower and lower.

Originally Posted by book

Pall Mall butt

Is Pall Mall a cigarette brand? Could you call it the ‘Pall Mall cigarette butt’ the first time, just to clarify; for the readers like me who don’t know cigarette brands.

Originally Posted by book

…Saline’s…

Out of curiosity, why is her name ‘Saline’? Isn’t saline a salt solution?

Originally Posted by book

…resent rain…

I don’t understand ‘resent’ as an adjective (or modifier of any kind). Does she resent the rain? Does the rain resent something else?
Or was that a typo?

Originally Posted by book

Saline wasn’t perfect, nor was she a self- harmer, she just liked pain.

This sentence bothers me only because, technically, this does make her a self-harmer. Even if it isn’t cutting herself. I think instead you should just say that she’s a masochist.
I also don’t think that ‘Saline wasn’t perfect’ fits with the rest of the sentence. By using ‘nor’, you’re saying that her not being perfect and her not being a self-harmer are related. It would make sense if the two were actual opposites, but since they aren’t it makes the sentence read a little odd.

Originally Posted by book

She also liked the color green and black. … Up until she was fifteen, she thought her mother’s eyes were green and got them from her, but as soon as she found out, the words started forming in her head about “these stupid green eyes and a fantasy.”

This whole paragraph seemed to come out of nowhere. Before you give all this information to us, it could do with some kind of bridge between what you were talking and what you are now.
You might also consider giving the information to us in a more spread out fashion.

Originally Posted by book

Cable on the other hand…

Is Cable the boyfriend?

Originally Posted by book

…loves her green eyes and tends to get lost in them.

This sentence is in present tense while the rest of the piece is in past tense.

Originally Posted by book

His mother and father were never married, and still are not.

This is another piece of present tense. And it also seems to come out of left-field.

Originally Posted by book

He always hoped they would but knew they wouldn’t.

There should be a comma after ‘would’ and before ‘but’.

--

You’ve gotten loads better from the other pieces of yours I’ve read and this. I especially liked the descriptions of the sunset at the beginning. I thought those were very well done. =]

I’m glad you’re writing again!

@Everyone:
When are we officially starting our 300 words a day, guys? Any ideas?

Originally Posted by Nolori

@Book:

Is Pall Mall a cigarette brand? Could you call it the ‘Pall Mall cigarette butt’ the first time, just to clarify; for the readers like me who don’t know cigarette brands.

Out of curiosity, why is her name ‘Saline’? Isn’t saline a salt solution?

I don’t understand ‘resent’ as an adjective (or modifier of any kind). Does she resent the rain? Does the rain resent something else?
Or was that a typo?

This sentence bothers me only because, technically, this does make her a self-harmer. Even if it isn’t cutting herself. I think instead you should just say that she’s a masochist.
I also don’t think that ‘Saline wasn’t perfect’ fits with the rest of the sentence. By using ‘nor’, you’re saying that her not being perfect and her not being a self-harmer are related. It would make sense if the two were actual opposites, but since they aren’t it makes the sentence read a little odd.


This whole paragraph seemed to come out of nowhere. Before you give all this information to us, it could do with some kind of bridge between what you were talking and what you are now.
You might also consider giving the information to us in a more spread out fashion.

Is Cable the boyfriend?

This sentence is in present tense while the rest of the piece is in past tense.

This is another piece of present tense. And it also seems to come out of left-field.

There should be a comma after ‘would’ and before ‘but’.

Okay lets start from the top. I did add the "cigarette" part in there, good call on that one. Yes Saline is a salt solution, but I just think it would make a cool name. And with the "resent" thing I meant a word that I just cant spell at the moment, the one word that means happened not that long ago. I cant think of how to spell it. Im just going to take the "self harmer" part out. Cable is the boyfriend. Another weird name. And just a bunch of typos. Thanks for your help.

Okay, i really must continue coming here more often D= I totally disappeared again, sorry guys =[

@Book:
No problem! And did you mean 'recent'?

@Ziv:
Yes you must! =D

Dude, guys, there's a women's writing group on campus! It meets next Friday, and I am SO going. They do writing prompts and poetry readings and all that jazz. I'm so excited!! >o<

Originally Posted by Nolori

@Book:
No problem! And did you mean 'recent'?

@Ziv:
Yes you must! =D

YEAH THANKS

@Maiden:
I am so jealous. I haven't found any clubs or anything on my campus. I need to start looking. =\

@Book:
No problem!

Hey guys, just thought I would give an update on my writing sitch. Well its not going to well. I havent been in a very good mood lately so I cant really write. I hope it passes soon, because it was the only way i cleared my head and now I cant put a pen to paper without thinking about my ex. Bad week.

@Book:
Why not write about him? I mean, even if it's only to get thoughts and emotions out. I write to rant about things that are bothering me. Maybe it'll help you too?

@Nolori
I tried it just makes me even more upset. My friends said they would stop talking about him but I dont think thats going to last very long. I did post a blog about it. I like never blog, but i thought it might help.

Aww book, I'm so sorry =[ Ugh, I have been away too long, sorry everyone. I must do better to write on here more

To my lovely friends of Menewsha. I have good news and bad news. The bad news first. My cousin, the one some of you may have read about in one of my stories, well he went to jail today. He is the only person keeping my sane. I am going nuts, but as of this afternoon I am doing much better. I got a call from the Art Institute of Minnesota, for those who do not know where that is in Minnesota its in Minneapolis. They want me up there for a visit as soon as possible. I'm going nuts. I am ever so happy.

OH my goodness, OH my goodness! Book, that art school thingy sounds sooo awesome! I hope it all works out :)

sorry to hear about your cousin too =/

I MISS YOU GUYS

OMG. Okay, so this is what's been going on with me

1) I turned 18! Whoot!
2) I've been writing songs! 8D
3) I went to see a performance poet last night. It was pretty cool.
4) I'm memorizing "May It Be" by Enya, a song from LotR.

Stuff like this is absolutely awesome <3