How does this plot sound?
 

The main character lives with her mother, in her little home in the city. her mother refuses to tell her anything about her father, other than a picture of a man she looks nothing like, and since she doesn't look like her mother either, she figures this must be one of her mother's ex boyfriends, and isn't really her father.

One day their home is attacked by monsters. In the struggle and confusion, she is able to escape, but not before seeing one of the monsters kill her mother. She then dyes her hair and runs to the bad part of the city. Someone corners her, but is killed by someone else. Her newfound friend has insomnia, and notices monsters occasionally in the dead of night when no one else is awake.

She, and that friend, after overhearing a suspicious conversation in an abandoned warehouse, come to believe that the monsters are government made bioexperiments. They continue to track various monsters. during this time she begins to notice the monster species' fall, however subtly, into two different groups, which she believes are different methods of creation. When she mentions this to her friend, he doesn't see the difference. Eventually are apprehended by the government. it is at this point, she wishes she had met her father before she died, convinced they will kill the both of them.

They are locked up to be experimented on, in order for the government to find out whether they can modify existing humans. The friend is successfully modified. However, the friend, and all of the experiment she sees while there, fall into only one of the two categories. She reasons that the others are made in a different facility. She is then taken for modification into a room, and strapped to a table. As she is cut open and her organs are poked at, an alarm goes off.

The door is broken open in a few minutes, revealing the second group of monsters as the attackers. During the confusion, one of the creatures breaks the restraints, and picks her up, floating out of the room, where they are attacked by her friend, who the monster then kills. she passes out, becoming conscious again for just a moment, and seeing the world distort. Blaming it on her own mind, she falls unconscious once more. As she does so, she feels the pain fading, and assumes its death. She feels a tear fall, as she wishes once more to have met her father.

She wakes up in a bed, with materials she's never seen before. Her wound is gone, and she finds she can move with little difficulty. she leaves the room, and begins wandering down whatever staircase she finds in what she realizes is some kind of castle. As she walks out into the garden, she notices a purple sky, with a pale lavender moon. She sits amongst a cluster of blue flowers and falls asleep. When she wakes up, her head is in someone's lap. She recognizes it as both the monster that saved her, and the same one that killed her mother. He is petting her softly. She asks who he is, and he explains that he is both the king of this world, and her father. He tells her he had waited, since the day she was born, to bring her home, into his world.

that is the end.

criticism?

I... don't really see how the different world-thing correlates with the government experiments... O__O;; Unless this is part of a series and it's explained in the next book\part\etc?

I have to agree with Goblin. I don't know how the two worlds will correlate, but the idea is quite interesting. The friend being made into a bioweapon is very interesting. What would've been more interesting was if the main character had to kill her herself, but that may be too cliche. If you make this into a series, I am sure that it may be quite successful. You just need to plan out the whole "two world" concept and how it correlates with the bioweapons that the government creates. If you can do that successfully, then I believe you will have a great story in y our hands.

well, i tried to make it clear that the "other world monsters" and the bioweapons created by the government weren't really connected, even though they seemed like they were. and the other world thing is something i wanted to leave to the readers imagination. I.E. she's in heaven, she's lost in her own mind, she really is the princess of another world, etc.

Thank you both for your opinions.

There are a few things that are confusing, but of course this isn't the entire story, and much of the details will be added later, no?

What comes after she meets her father? Does this mean that he was experimented on? Did all the experiments flee to another planet and start a new civilization? It seems like a really good plot! But there are a lot of questions that I hope will be answered/explained later on. :)

i suppose it was a bit confusing. Let me explain. Even though there are two groups of monsters, and they assume that the monsters are just two groups of different types of experiments, i tried to make the point that they in fact are not both made by the government.

Group 1, that killed her mother, were from another world to begin with and were looking for her, while at the same time the government were running "field tests" of their bioweapons, Group 2.

Group 1 has nothing to do with the government, until they rescue her.

as for the ending, i think that will be where i end it. I like the idea of it being cut off as soon as she learns he's her father, and leaving the rest to imagination.

I'm sorry, but the difference between them is not clear at all. It's not explained clearly, and I guess in this case you can't assume that the readers (i.e. me) are smart enough to grasp the correct ideas by themselves. XD Even when you explained it, I'm still confused.

Why is the government conducting experiments? Is there a point? Why is the government funding such a scientific endeavor?

Why did the "papa monster" kill the girl's mom? Why did the girl's mom "marry\reproduce" with the monster, anyway? How did they meet? Why is the girl human, and not a monster, or half-human, half-monster, etc?

The ending just seems AWKWARD. There's no explanation for everything that just happened. There's not even room for readers to reasonably, intelligently speculate. It's just, "What? That's it?"

Abrupt endings work for some stories. I don't see it working for this one.

But yeah. That's what I got from the plot and explanations you gave. ^__^;;

I guess i should have made it more clear, that this was a basic shell of the plot, and i haven't put in a lot of the details yet. :sweat:

For the government being evil and funding these things: world domination disguised as wanting them there in case another country starts building them.

For the killing of the mother: She refused to tell her about her father, and tried to hide her from her father, who then found the mother and got his revenge.

Why did she reproduce with him: She was hoping to get something out of it, and when she got pregnant, she started being a bitch, for lack of a better word, and he threw her out on her ass, saying he'd come back for his child when it was born, and she decided to get revenge for him leaving her by hiding the daughter.

At least that's what i think i'm going to do with it. I may change my mind later. :sweat:

the girl is half monster, but she doesn't look like it. She looks like a human. I plan to make that clearer in the story as well.

the difference between them will be made more clear, but for the shell i felt it better, since i have no idea what i want them to look and act like, to just tell you all that there is a noticable difference between the two groups.

Alrighty! =D Thank you for appeasing my curiosity. I wish you luck with expanding it and everything! ^__^

Thanks goblin.

So if she's half-monster, will she turn up with some hidden abilities that help her to save the world or something? Lol. :P

Well, the way i see it, the only thing that being half monster did to her was allow her to survive having her organs poked at and then being carried out, with the wound still there.