Those Who Are Left Behind
 

This is a not-so- short short story I've been working on lately. Please read and tell me what you think. This is just the first section.

Those Who Are Left Behind

Watching from the side lines

I remember the day our world was saved. My friends were the ones who had fought the good fight. Only I had to watch from the sidelines. I was in one of the emergency safe houses watching as the battle was broadcasted all over the world. I can’t give justice to the feelings I felt as I watched my friends put their lives on the line. It’s terrifying and every near miss and hit tore into my heart as if I was the one being shot at. Every time an ally ship fell my heart plummeted into despair only to rise again with guilty delight that it wasn’t someone I knew. I checked for them over and over. There was Kelly, Josh was over there, and of course Aaron was there leading the charge.

Aaron was the love of my life and the leader of the world’s heroes. So of course his maneuvers were more extreme and more dangerous than anyone else’s. Of course he was leading them from the front lines. Of course he was zipping in and out rescuing his teammates from danger. Of course he was a major target for the enemy. Of course he had more close calls than anyone else. Of course my heart quaked for him the most.

The battle lasted for hours. Finally Aaron’s inner group broke through the enemy forces and made it to the Leader. This was the final battle; the one that would decide everything. It was as if the whole world was waiting with baited breath. The tension was high and I felt that I would suffocate. There were moments when I couldn’t look. In those moments my mind raced and brought up memories of the past. They were memories of before my friends were heroes, before I feared for their lives. We were normal so why was this happening to us? Why did the responsibility of protecting the world have to fall on the shoulders of my friends? Why couldn’t I be with them?

I stifled a scream as Kelly’s craft was hit and sent spiraling. She ejected and Josh swung down and caught her before she could be killed. My blood ran cold. That was too close. The woman next to me put her hand on my shoulder. “You’re shaking. Are you alright? If it’s too much you don’t have to watch it.” I thanked her and said I was fine. She nodded and went back to tending her children. I lied I wasn’t fine but unlike her suggestion I couldn’t not watch. Really who would be okay watching their best friend nearly die? Who could choose to look away?

I clasped my hands together and took several deep breaths. Despite everything, falling apart wasn’t an option. If I couldn’t fight with them I could at least provide them with the support of my spirit. After all, when Aaron and the others returned they would need me to be cheerful and smiling to wash away the horrors of battle.

Loud explosions and the screams and cries of those around me broke through my thoughts. Aaron’s team was losing. The Leader’s craft was retreating behind a force field and Aaron and the others were trapped by explosions on either side. It sounds strange whenever I say it, but at that moment the world felt wrong. Every part of me screamed. I knew what Aaron would do. It was so like him. I wanted to yell at Josh and Kelly. They knew Aaron! Why couldn’t they tell what was coming? Why weren’t they stopping him?

Aaron launched himself through the explosions and just barely made it through the force field. His ship was now damaged and no one could reach him. He was alone with the Leader where no one could interfere with their fight. At first the two crafts just sat there. Then suddenly they lurched forward and . . . the feed stopped. The screens turned into static. Nothing but snow.

I surged to my feet. I couldn’t help myself. I pounded my fists on the screen in front of me. I screamed for it to turn back on, to show me the fate of my boyfriend. Tears streamed down my face. I must have looked like a mad woman. Strong arms wove around me and pulled me away from the screen. It was the husband of the woman from before. He and his wife tried to comfort me but I wasn’t listening.

After five minutes of nothing but that damnable static the screens started jumping. They went in and out showing bits and pieces of an intense battle. I was back on my feet and in front of the screens again. I strained to make sense of what I saw. It was . . . I can’t put it into words. Trying to tell if the person you loved was alive, dead, or injured by flashes on a screen. It went on like that for thirty minutes and then the images stabilized. The last minutes of the battle came in clear and I almost wish that they hadn’t, because maybe then I wouldn’t have had to see Aaron’s death over and over again in my nightmares.

It was as if the universe took a breath and silence filled the air. Aaron’s craft, battered and unable to fire its last missile on its own, moved forward. It picked up speed and rammed into the Leader’s, then unleashed grapplers to clamp down on him. With the Leader unable to get away Aaron detonated his last bomb. Both ships exploded and so did my heart.

I fell to my knees and my mind began to shut down. I imagine that all around me people were jumping up and cheering because the Leader was finally dead and no longer threatened our world. I on the other hand fell into deep despair. Aaron was gone.

its sad. i can really feel for her. this is good.

Thanks, it's nice to know that my character is an empathetic one. Thank you for reading and commenting.

Nice parallelism. :)

Ooo, nice. I know I couldn't.

This is really compelling. Great job! I can't wait to read more. :boogie:

Gonna be an English major grammar Nazi for a sec. Hope that's okay. :angel:

Perhaps its just me, but I think the line would make more sense if you added something after "enemy" such as "enemy forces" or "enemy front-lines."

I think this would hold more punch of you added either a ; : or -- in between "battle" and "the." Such as "This was the final battle--the one that would decide everything."
This should all be one paragraph.

I think there's suppose to be a pronoun in between "apart" and "wasn't."

You need a comma after "all": "After all, when Aaron. . ."

'Nother comma: "It sounds strange whenever I sat it, but. . ."

I'd either make this two separate sentences ("They knew Aaron! Why couldn't they tell what was coming?") or put a colon there (They knew Aaron: why couldn't they tell what was coming?).

You need a comma in there at least once: "came in clear, and I almost" or "they hadn't, because maybe."

And, finally:

Another comma: "the Leader's, then unleashed."

Seriously: I really like it.

Thanks a lot for being a grammar nazi. I took a lot of your advice. Please continue reading and commenting, I really appreciate it. :)

The Ring of a Celebrated Hero

I walked down the streets of the capital city in a daze. There was dancing in the streets and cheering. It was such a weird juxtaposition, the levity of the outside world and the morose of my inner world. My feet automatically took me down the familiar path to the base. I used to run down there with a handmade lunch for the team my heart filled with happiness and hope. Now that path that I had walked so many times left me with a feeling of cold dread.

I found my way inside through the side door and took the elevator down to the hanger. The elevator doors opened and I was greeted by the sight of a broken team. They were sitting and standing around the hanger in various places. They weren’t looking or talking to one another. For the first time ever there was an awkward silence amongst the close knit team.

Kelly noticed me first. She immediately jumped up from where she was seated and rushed to me. Kelly gave me a tight hug with the arm that wasn’t broken. In Kelly’s embrace the daze lifted and the emotions came forth. I cried on Kelly’s shoulder and before long she was crying on mine. The two of us sank to the floor. Before long two strong arms encircled us, then Josh’s voice whispered a weak sorry into my ear. In a couple more minutes the whole team was huddled on the cold floor of the hangar mourning Aaron.

It wasn’t long before we were all talking. We exchanged stories of what happened to us after they left the hangar and I was evacuated. I went first. I told of how I ended up in safe house 21 and watched the Leader’s broadcast with the rest of the world. They told me about flying out with the rest of the units and embellished on the things I’d seen on screen. Aaron really had been daring right up till the end.

Eventually Josh suggested that everyone get some sleep. It was a good idea the day’s events were weighing heavily on everyone. As the team trickled into their barracks Josh pulled me aside. I’ll never forget how he looked at that moment. The big goofy Josh that I’d grown up with wasn’t there instead there was this sad and shy man. He wouldn’t even meet my eyes and I could tell that his were filled with tears.

“Evelyn . . . Aaron, he wanted you to know that he loved you. He wanted to come back to you but he also wanted to protect you even more. I’m sorry Evelyn I should have stopped him. I should have brought him home.” Josh’s voice faltered after that. I reached up and hugged him assuring that it wasn’t his fault and that he had done all that he could. He nodded and then said I could stay at the base tonight if I wanted to. I took up the offer; I didn’t want to be alone that night.

I made my way to the only empty barrack. When I opened the door I wasn’t prepared for what walking into Aaron’s room would do to me. The room was full of his sent and for the first time the true absence of his presence struck me. There were memories all over that room.

I hesitated to change into one of Aaron’s shirts but did so out of necessity. As I climbed under the sheets my heart ached. Aaron surrounded me but he wasn’t anywhere I could reach. I laid my head on the pillow and felt something hard underneath. I reached under and pulled out a small box. I knew what was in it without opening it. With the box held closely I cried myself to sleep.

The next morning Kelly came to get me. She found me a total mess. Kelly saw the ring in my hands and understood instantly. Without a word she took charge. Really what would I have done without her? She helped me get ready. There was going to be a ceremony to honor Aaron and his team as the world’s heroes.

Kelly and Josh had gone done to my apartment and gotten a dress for me to wear. The whole team felt I should be there with them at the ceremony. I couldn’t say no to them. So in a matter of a few hours I found myself on stage next to my best friends receiving the cheers and thanks of the world. I stood by my friends and received Aaron’s medal for him. The General of even saluted me. All this was because Aaron had saved us all. The world was thanking him and I was cursing the world for taking him. Instead of the medal I wanted Aaron and his ring.