
02-03-2010, 10:35 PM
This is just a friendly tip... you used the word "dark" 8 times. 8 out of 18 lines have the word dark in it, that's almost half the story/poem based around that one word. When people use the word "darkness" it's used to signify how creepy, and eerie, and in that sense, how profound it is. The mystery and to some degree, the power it has. When you use it that many times, it loses it's meaning, and instead comes off as a hot topic advertisement or something. For the future, try picking out some synonyms, or try your hand at implying. For starts, "shadows" is usually a word used in these kind of works, and will divert the attention from that single word. Anyway, hope you don't take it as an insult, and instead use it to your advantage in the future! Good luck :]
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