Him

Pioneer Beach was the one place I did not want to go, but my boyfriend being the fisher he is, did not want to go anywhere else. He had some kind of loyalty to this place because his dad used to own it or something. But this was the only place my ex would go too.

Everyone knew what happened between him and me, but no one would say a word, or even look at me. It was still fresh in everyone’s mind seeing how it only happened a month before. Almost to the day, even. JT pushed forward fast to see what had happened to his childhood hang out while I walked slowly behind. I pulled my sleeves over the scars that had yet to disappear from that lone night. Everyone that I had joked with a few weeks ago now lowered their heads as I walked by through the shelves of tackle. JT knew right where he was going and walked their fast. I tried to stay out of people’s way hoping that he would let me go back to the car.

“Alexis Moon as I live and breathe.” A familiar voice crept up behind me. I flinched and slowly turned around. His brother, the one that finally pulled Him off of me, was standing there with his jock friends. I was waiting for the taunting to begin. But to my surprise, Justin gave me a hug. “How are you?”

“F-fine,” I stuttered out. “How are you?”

“I’m good. Listen, we are all sorry for what my jackass of a brother did to you. It wasn’t right. I wish I could have gotten Him off of you before He, um, well you know.” He motioned to my left arm.

“It’s fine. I’m fine. I know you just wanted to help.” He gave me another hug. A small tear rolled down my cheek, but I turned away before the boys could see.

“Alexis, are these jerks bugging you?” JT came up behind me giving the boys dirty looks.

“JT no, these are friends. They pulled Him off me. They saved my life.” I rubbed my arm slowly trying not to remember the pain. I owe these four my life.

“Alexis, come back to us” JT waved his hand in front of my face. I was staring out the window at the lake. I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts.

“Huh? Sorry, I was thinking about that night. I really do owe you guys my life. I don’t know how I can re-pay you.” I could see His face in the clouds and the water. I shuttered again.

“Well you can do us the honor of catching your dinner. For you and your, um, date.” Jimmie smiled. I loved his smile. Some days I think about texting him, but then think that I have a great guy that shows me a great time and does a great job keeping my mind off that jerk who is going to be sitting in jail for another three years.

“Well, JT, it’s up to you. I would love for you to get to know my friends. I mean they did save my life.” I grinned up at him. He did stand a good five inches taller than me and was built like no other. We tried to work out almost every day, but there are those days where I just want to sleep in. He gets mad at me on those days because I should be working the arm that had to muscle ripped almost from the bone.

“Fish is good protein. We were just going fish for competition, but if you’re willing to cook, I say yes.” JT wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. I put on a fake smile. I couldn’t say I was happy with him. Sure we had fun, but I didn’t love him. He was too big into competitions and working out than he is to just hanging out or going out with friends. Just as I knew I would, I felt myself falling away from him every day.

“You’re really big into the whole competition thing aren’t you?” Calvin asked with a slight giggle to his voice. We all started to head for the checkout counter. We bought bait and an extra poll so everyone could have two. While JT put our stuff into his green Dodge, I walked the boys to their cars, each one giving me a hug. I hugged Jimmie last. He slipped something into the hood of my sweatshirt. I kind of wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. JT would know that something was wrong if I cried for no reason and he would want to know why.

On our way to the beach, I put my hood up like I normally did. I let the note slide down my back through my shirts. Causally I “scratched” my back slipping the small piece of folded paper up my sleeve. I had to find a way to read it without JT seeing it. I thought about going to the bathroom once we got to Justin’s grandmas’ house to read it. That was my plan. I tried to imagine what that note said. Maybe it said how scared he was for my life or that he was madly in love with me or that he knew that one of the other guys’ liked me. Maybe it said how he knew I liked him but that we couldn’t be together because of what happened.

“I’m, uh, going to the bathroom.” I said after we set everything up. “Watch my polls babe?” I ran up to the house. Using the key that Justin’s grandma gave me a few months ago and told me to keep after the whole incident thing, I opened the back door to the empty house. I ran to the bathroom on the bottom floor. Slowly opening the note I could start to see his messy hand writing that filled the whole page.
“Alexis

I’ve written this note well over a hundred times. But I couldn’t find just the right words. I’ve known that you have a crush on me for some time, but before you were with Him and now you’re with that JT guy. I hope he’s treating you well. My mind thinks of you more and more often. I go to text you but then I remember you have a boyfriend that keeps you on a tight schedule. I think that you working out every day and eating healthy is good. The Jock Four, we have started doing that too. Every day we hit the gym then back home to mess around on our cars or play video games or just go out for the day. I hope I give this to you in person, I was thinking of just putting it in your locker at the gym, but I would rather give it to you face to face. I hope this doesn’t get you in trouble with JT.

Alexis. I have to tell you something. But I can’t do it on paper. I want you to meet me on the 15th of August outside the old church down on Mason Drive. I hope I get this to you before then, If not I’ll just re-write it… Again. Meet me there at Midnight. And I know this is scary to think, but please come alone.

Jimmie Logan”

I tried to think what he wanted to tell me. I looked at my phone and saw that today was the 15th. Tonight at midnight. I had to tell JT that I was going to bed early and that he couldn’t stay the night. I didn’t know how I was going to do it, but I had to find a way. He hated not spending the night at my house. I never knew why. I slowly walked back out to the dock with the guys.

“You guys haven’t been giving my boyfriend a hard time have you?” I giggled and sat down in-between JT and Jimmy. My mind wandered for a while between if I was really happy with JT and what Jimmy could want to talk to me about. I caught probably five fish before JT caught one. I could tell he was getting mad so I decided to take a break. So, I decided to lay back and tan. I could tell Jimmie would look at me once and a while or JT would glare at me and would wish he could come cover me up. He hated when I would show off my body. I swear he would want me to wear hoodies and sweat pants with no makeup and my hair up. But I worked hard on my body, I was going to show it off.

By two in the afternoon, I had a good tan going on and the boys had caught enough fish to feed the whole town, or just the six of us. Since Justin’s grandparents where on some tour of America, we just used their house for our little fish fry and to sit down and watch some movies. Matt invited his girlfriend over, who brought one of her friends who brought cheer beer. We played some card games and the Wii, and before you knew it, it was getting close to 11. Jimmy said he had to leave along with Jessica and Jenna, Matt’s girlfriend and friend. JT and I left shortly after. He dropped me off and home and said the he should probably stay at his house tonight because his parents are getting kind of mad that he’s always at mine.

I threw on a fresh pair of jeans and my Iowa hoody. I gave myself enough time to get to the church to catch my breath a bit. I wanted to make sure that in case that JT came back that my car was still at home. So I ran. It was a good mile and a half. It was a good thing JT and I ran on an almost daily basis. With only five minutes to spare, I ran my fingers through my hair and fixed my outfit to make sure I looked fine. I didn’t know what I was thinking, I still had a boyfriend, and I had no idea why Jimmie asked me to come here anyway. My mind raced around the thought of maybe him asking to break up with JT to the thought of him trying to finish off what He started.
A sound from behind me made me jump and reach for my knife hidden underneath my shirt on my back. I had learned to carry one after what He did to me. Jimmie stepped slowly out from the trees into the light of the street lamp beside the church.

“Alexis, put the knife down, it’s just me.” Jimmie laughed holding his hands up. He’s seen me pull it on a kid at the amusement park for accidentally running into me. “I’m glad you came, I was hoping you would.” He smiled his little shy smile as he stepped closer to me. My heart was racing. I had no idea what he wanted so I didn’t know how to react so I just stood there. I was sort of hoping he was going to tell me he loved me or that he wanted to go out with me. I also was hoping he wouldn’t. He kept stepping closer and closer. With every step my heart raced a little more. It felt like his eyes were staring into my soul. Staring my heart down to the ground; but they were still soft and gentle and blue as water. I have gotten lost in his eyes so many times. And tonight was no different.

“I had to make sure you were still alright after that whole ordeal with him. But I need to tell you something. He is getting out of jail on bail. Just two more weeks. I really hate to tell you this but he’s moving back home and everything.” My heart shrank. I dropped to my knees and just sat there with a blank look on my face.

My mind slowly drifted back to that day. We were all just watching movies. I could tell He was on edge that day. I got up and offered to get everyone drinks and Calvin, Justin’s friend, offered to help me. I guess I smiled or something and then He just jumped on me and started punching me. After four good punches to my eyes and the sides of my head, He pulled a knife and jabbed it into my left arm. It all happened so fast the other boys didn’t have time to react. Calvin and Justin held Him down and Jimmie called the cops while Matt tried to stop the bleeding. I drifted in and out of consciousness all the way to the hospital. They said if they would have been any later I would have been dead. I didn’t know what to do or to say. I couldn’t breathe. Jimmie sat down next to me and wrapped his arms around me and just let me react the way I was. I wanted to just get up and run until I couldn’t run any more. And that’s what we did. Jimmie and I ran as fast and as long as we could. We stopped in the next town over because my knee wasn’t fully healed from my surgery and I was still in pain from when He attacked me.

....

I actually REALLY like it, and I don't say that lightly. A few mixups of 'too/to' and 'there/their' for spelling, and only one section that seemed to feel weird and out of place, which was this:

“JT no, these are friends. They pulled Him off me. They saved my life.” I rubbed my arm slowly trying not to remember the pain. My mind slowly drifted back to that day. We were all just watching movies. I could tell He was on edge that day. I got up and offered to get everyone drinks and Calvin, Justin’s friend, offered to help me. I guess I smiled or something and then He just jumped on me and started punching me. After four good punches to my eyes and the sides of my head, He pulled a knife and jabbed it into my left arm. It all happened so fast the other boys didn’t have time to react. Calvin and Justin held Him down and Jimmie called the cops while Matt tried to stop the bleeding. I drifted in and out of consciousness all the way to the hospital. They said if they would have been any later I would have been dead. I owe these four my life.

For some reason it didn't flow well in the place you had it. Maybe try moving it down to the end when she hears about Him getting out of jail. I think it would feel better to keep the readers at bay until she hears that He gets out of jail.

Other than that I really, REALLY enjoyed it, espeically the confusion with her new boyfriend, JT and this Jimmie fellow. In fact, I think it would be really cool if maybe you streach out the scene at the end. You know, have them chat a little, talk about how her heart flutters in her chest, and right when she thinks he's about to tell her he's been in love with her forever, he tells her about Him getting out of jail.

Don't be afraid to toy with your readers and pull them in different directions a bit. We readers love that. :D

I hope to read more of this, it has some real potential. If you feel like talking about it more with someone feel free to mesage me. XD

I made some changes. Thank you Sugar. I found a few spelling things that I missed. I also moved that part down towards the end and dragged that bit out a little longer. What do you think now?

I like the format a lot better now, with the explination at the end and all.

The only other thing I'm going to mention right now is to be careful with your tenses. There are a few sections where you move from Past-tense to present-tense. :)