This short story has been drawn from my old deviantART account and has not been plagiarized. Also note this is entirely a work of fiction.

I stepped out of my robe like it was a second skin, enfolding myself in my arms as I reached out for the shower handle. My pale, almost translucent fingers could only weakly grip the cold steel, and it took a few tries to finally pull it out from the wall. A jet of cold water poured onto my chest, and I cringed and took a feeble step back. Being sick and bedridden for three weeks had made me weak, so weak...

I stepped forward again, testing the water with my shoulder. It was warmer, but I still felt my spine prickling. Biting my lip, I eased my body into the spray, warming slowly. I nearly fell asleep as the water heated up, but my eyes snapped open as the heat became unbearable.

I tried to move away, but found my foot slipping on the wet shower tiles. With a weak cry, I hit the floor with a loud, unpleasant sound. I didn't have to look to see the bruise spreading across my hips and shoulder. I whimpered pitifully, like a wounded dog. Struggling to stand, my left hip burned beneath the bruise as the scalding shower-water burned me. I cried again, a little louder, struggling on the wet tiles like a fish.

Nobody came, of course.

With a massive effort, I finally writhed to my knees. Arm shaking with pain and fever, I managed to press my palm to the steel handle, stopping the flow and sending the reverberating chamber of the shower into silence. With a defeated sob, I laid down once more on the shower floor. The water dripped onto my burning temple, diluting my disgraceful tears as I let the cooling tiles soak up the heat of my fever.


Author's notes: I know this ends abruptly. I've been writing and re-writing this with no real way to end it. I don't want any other characters, and I want it to stay relatively short, but with enough descriptives to really get the feeling of being sick, hot, weak, wet, alone, &c. Critique away.

Interesting!

it expresses the dangers of showering, lol. But really, it's a new point of view on things.

It might be better if you add an ending to it, like what happens eventually. I'd love to know how long he/she's stuck there, how he/she gets out of it, etc. But very creative I have to say. Short, like you said, but that's what drew me to it. When I first see long pieces of writing I think 'OMG This is SOOO long. Do i have to read it?!?!' So it's kind of an advantage.

:3

I like where this is going, and it's an interesting take on something most of us don't think about often.

However, there are a few things I would suggest.

1) Avoid cliches, like "second skin." You seem to have a strong enough grasp on writing that you can get by without using overused phrases. To better your writing, find a workaround. :)

2) The writing is good, but it's full of hyperbole. We understand that getting scalded in the shower is painful--you don't need to beat us over the head with phrases like "massive effort" and "disgraceful tears." The intent is there, but the description is a tad overblown, which is generally a turnoff to readers.

Please don't think I'm flaming you. :) I'm just a veteran of writing courses and a published writer telling you what most writing teachers would point out.