| Phidefya |
05-03-2011 07:47 AM |
A small insight of my story, critique?
Among a grove of young trees, a boney, slightly ragged brunette woman worked. The air was high in humidity, causing her to get irritated at every movement she made from the heat. She had three more hours to finish till this was finally over, and she could take a rest from a long day of bitter work and a bickering old hag fussing over every insignificant thing. As the woman finished trimming off a few weeds that were growing around a small little tree she popped her back and stretched some... Her silver eyes looked out across the landscapes.
Khas.. She thought bitterly. Such a horrid place to live for anybody. She envied those in Talabia, the island much further away from Khas. Talabia was the most lush,green and cool of the three islands that floated in the clouds. She assumed everyone who lived there had it pretty well in life... but above all, anyone residing in Luania City, on Incras, was truly the most lucky. They were allowed to go to and from school each day.. have a reasonable job, work reasonable hours.. and have as much food and water as they please. But she groaned, rather angry, her thoughts beginning to change in her mind. Those from Incras are lazy fools who can't fend for themselves in life. They rely on us and the Herbalists in Talabia. Why.. they most likely do no hard work at all.
The womans thoughts were quickly interrupted by the sound of an aggitated and grumpy old woman. "Mirae, Mirae!!" She yelled out. "Get your damned head out of the clouds and get back to work. Those suppliers from Incras won't wait on you forever, and if they so happen to report your slowness to Vanesh.. why.. we'll all suffer horribly!" she came over, tugging at the brunettes arm. "Can you hear me, foolish girl?!" She asked, and Mirae looked down, nodding quickly.
"Yes.. Yes m'am! Loud and clear!" She replied hurriedly, in fear of getting less portions of food tonight for dinner. She looked down upon the old women. Bryer, she was called. A nasty little bug. She was short, and it was common for those of her age. A large 54, and she was still as energetic as ever.
"Then act like you are, get back to work!" She said angrily, soon going off to pester another. Bless them.. Thought Mirae sincerely, looking back down to the little trees planted within the soil. She bent down closer to it. "You poor things.. you hardly ever get to live a life. Four years isn't very long.. but you hear what they say. Get any older and your fruits get less worthy and become nothing." She pat it lightly. "I'll try to treat you good for these next four years, then." She nodded with a smile, standing up and moving along again to work with the others.... To be continued.
So.. what do you think ^^? I don't feel like writing too much right now, for one, it's late.. and for two, I want to know if it sounds interesting or not. Give me some tips to make it better if not?
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