Good Place To Start Or...?
 

Ok so here's a possible start to a story idea that I have. It's pretty raw right now, since the friend who helps with editing isn't allowed to see it until I have figured out if I'm gonna trash it or change it... So if you do read it don't flame on errors and such because it is only written to get the idea out for now before I forget it. Also be warned that it gets a bit Lemony at the end. So what I am looking for is if this is a good part/way to start the story or if I should have more background chapters? I already posted this on my Gaia and had no help.
Here goes:

It was only 11:30 and already I hated my decision not to drink this evening. I was just about to cave when I saw him. Wriker Hillson, the very reason for this decision. He and I had hated each other for what seemed like forever. Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration, but we’d had it out for one another since at least since the sixth grade, when I first met him. Things really peaked between us in seventh grade when he thought he should take it upon himself to call me fat as soon as the teacher left the room.

I smiled to myself I could still remember it like it was yesterday. He began his insults in the most immature of ways and I fought back full force.

“You’re huge,” he said motioning with his hands. Honestly his words had no effect on me.

“Look, Wriker we’ve been over this millions of times, you really aren’t that well equipped. Now do us all a favour, shut up and go freshen your breath with that Tic Tac, you call a d**k.” He was momentarily stunned, opening and closing his mouth as he fished for a comeback. When it didn’t come I decided to salt his wounds, “We all know the only large thing you own is, in fact, your ego. It more than makes up for your lack of a p***s, but unfortunately I wouldn’t be too proud of that if I were you.” He hadn’t even had time to respond because at that moment the teacher was back and the classroom had once again regained order.

In ninth grade he’d thought he was being smart by blocking my locker. I stood looking defiantly up at him and asked once, nicely if he could take himself and his Tic Tac elsewhere. He just smirked down and said simply, no. I guess Wriker wasn’t suspecting it because he didn’t put up any resistance when I shoved him out of my way and opened the door. Wriker still didn’t take the hint and tried to get in my way again, only to be introduced quite personally to my locker door.

Of course these weren’t the only times we had publicly clashed, it was such a frequent occurrence that most of our fellow classmates just learned to ignore it. What they didn’t ignore was my most famous way of getting to Wriker, by reminding him of his ‘lack’ of a d**k. I had yelled it at him on a number of occasions and it just stuck, it was something everyone now used against him. I’m sure this pissed him off, and I was certainly the root of the insults, to be honest deep down I kind of feared him cornering me and showing me how equipped he really was.

This had become a huge source of amusement for my closest friends. They considered the anger between Wriker and I, to actually just be our way of dealing with the built up ‘sexual tension’. To make matters worse they would make continuous jabs at me, informing me that one day, possibly grad it would end in us just hooking up. The worst part, they figured we’d get drunk and get it on. Wriker didn’t help their little made up scenario any better when he announced to the entire math class that he was in fact getting wasted at the grad party. His announcement sealed the fact that I would, in fact, stay sober the entire evening. Three cheers for sober grad parties, not.

Within the next little while I had completely forgotten my whole resolution not to drink, but then again I guess alcohol does that to you. I had caved with a bit of convincing from my friend Lena, who had told me one drink wouldn’t kill me.

“Besides, I’m sure Wriker is to drunk to even remember who you are” she said the words with such certainty that I slowly begun to nurse a bottle of Mike’s Hard Lemonade.

Alcohol seems to push me to the fearless side, after just one drink I was up dancing, and I didn’t even care what anyone thought. As the music took over me, I didn’t even think; just let my body move in time to the sound. Before I knew it I had acquired a partner, although I hadn’t the slightest idea who exactly I was dancing with. It didn’t matter how ever because it seemed we made an amazing couple on the dance floor. His body moved with mine, we were perfectly in sync, with each other and the music. The longer we dance the more intimate it became, until it felt we were one. I don’t know what cause my sudden boldness but I decided to step it up a bit more by grinding a bit more against him and leading his hand further up, letting him explore.

Finally I just couldn’t take it anymore, as a slower paced track came on, I turned around. I had every intention of introducing myself to my dance partner, but when I turned I came face to face with none other than, Wriker.

“You look surprised there Aubrey.” Wriker smirked as he said the words without even the slightest hint of a slur. Lena couldn’t have been wrong at a worse time; he wasn’t really that drunk at all. And I certainly wasn’t drunk enough for this. I can’t believe I’d just dirty danced with my enemy and liked it, no actually I’d loved it.

“Wr-Wriker…” smooth, now I’d turned into a stuttering idiot. But really what do you say when you’d just basically had dance sex with your worst enemy? Taking a deep breath I decided to try for words again, “Did you know who you were dancing with?” There were so many other things I could have said at this moment, but that seemed the most important. I mean, he hated me didn’t he? His goal throughout school had been to piss me off hadn’t it?

“Yea, actually I did. Why, is there a problem with that?” God, how could he sound so cool about this, we were supposed to hate each other. If that was true, why was he looking at me like that with his deep blue eyes?

“W-well uh, I actually do-“ the rest of my words were lost as his lips suddenly crashed down on mine. Maybe I was wrong, Wriker had to be drunk. More than…I lost my train of thought because suddenly I was preoccupied with kissing him back. Despite how he comes off as tough and just an outright jerk when you first meet him, he actually turned out to be gentle. At least he was being gentle now, as he put a hand on the small of my back to pull me closer against him, and the other in my hair, running his long fingers through my shoulder length hair.

Before I knew it I was following him back to his truck, away from the wild teenage party goers to have a little more privacy. I was thankful for the privacy mostly because I didn’t need my friends to see me like this, not with Wriker. Their jokes would skyrocket to a whole new level.

We’d barely made it to the clearing where he’d parked his truck, when he spun me around to face him and slowly pressed me against the side of the vehicle. For some reason, it felt like he was too far away, so I pulled him even close, only to have him lift me onto the hood of the truck and begin kissing me again. I could definitely get used to this, the way he wanted to explore each and every detail of my mouth, the way he caressed my body all over. I couldn’t take it anymore, I needed more, I deepened the kiss and wrapped my legs loosely around Wriker’s slim waist. Soon even that wasn’t enough, for either of us.

He very carefully lifted me up and carried me to the box of the truck, which luckily had been made up with a bed; it looked like Wriker had been planning to stay the night. And now I was too. I slid in letting him slowly climb atop of me, straddling me. Looking up I was lost in his blue eyes and the world fell away, leaving only me and him in this moment. Suddenly the thought that we were once enemies didn’t even seem possible anymore.

“Why….why me? Why now?” I whispered afraid that if I spoke it would break the spell. As strange as this was to me, I didn’t want it to end. I guess when they say ‘ keep your friends close and your enemies closer’, this was what they had in mind.

“Aubrey, it’s always been you…You just didn’t see it. And well I was a total d**k.” Wriker whispered too, in his deep husky voice, and then leaned down to kiss my neck, just above the pulse. “I guess I just never wanted to admit it, so I reacted by taking it out on you.”

“Shh…forget it, that was then, this is now.” I couldn’t even believe my own words, one kiss and I was willing to trust him. To try and relay just how much I meant my words, I reached up grabbing his shirt in my hands and pulled him down to me. Wriker responded instantly and soon we were lost in each other.

Somehow my hands had found their way up his shirt, to explore his lightly defined body, I wanted more so I slid the garment off him entirely so I could see his torso. I wanted to see every last bit of Wriker Hillson, I wanted to memorize him, because I didn’t know if I’d get this chance again. I guess he wanted the same thing too because before long I was only in my bra and boy shorts. I couldn’t help but notice how I was completely comfortable with this boy seeing me, all of me. But it wasn’t fair that he had still managed to keep his pants on. I changed that, sliding my hand slowly down his torso and finding the button and undoing it. He willingly slid out of his jeans. Not long after we’d skilfully managed to remove each other under clothes and we were now blissfully skin on skin.

Of course it didn’t end there, after what could have been hours of his kisses and his hands roaming my exposed body, he stopped and looked at me, a silent question in those gorgeous eyes of his, and his dark dirty blond hair a mess from my fingers. I nodded, knowing just what is he was asking. As much as I used to think I hated him, there was no one else I’d rather be here with at this time. I gasped as he entered me, not expecting it. He really wasn’t ill equipped after all I thought to myself.

“Are you ok?” his lips brushed against my ear and the worry in his voice was evident. I arched my back in reply and soon we were dancing again. Only this was an entirely different kind of dance, much more intimate. Much more beautiful. Our bodies moved together creating a sweet ecstasy.

The next morning I woke up feeling an arm wrapped around me. For a moment I was startled and confused, I hadn’t the slightest clue where I was. Then Wriker pulled me closer against him still asleep and it all came crashing back to me. I had hooked up with him. Oh. My. God. Lena and everyone had been right, only we weren’t drunk at all, but rather completely aware. And I had loved every second of it, to make matters worse I didn’t regret it, even now.

I don’t know why but I panicked, I had to leave. I mean I knew there was something between us, it just couldn’t be. I was leaving in just a few short days, for Vancouver. High School was over, I’d been looking forward to this, I had wanted to get away from this town for so long that I couldn’t even let my new found feelings get in the way of it all.

Carefully so I didn’t wake Wriker up I began to move away, looking back I knew I needed at least on last reminder of this. Before hopping out of the truck box I leaned down to brush my lips across his, whispering “I’m sorry. I do care.” Even if he wasn’t awake to hear, I had to say it.

Before leaving I had to leave one last thing, I’d found a pen and a napkin, to leave a note for him when he awoke. ‘Goodbye’ was all it said. I figured I could explain it all to him some other time, after I figured out exactly what this meant, from far away.

OMG! I didn't read it all but what I did read was amazing, your a very good writer.

Aww thank you so much, that really does mean a lot to me! Any feedback on improvement is greatly appreciated. And if you ever wanted to read any of my other work, feel free to ask and I will link you or something. :)

I've decided I would post a bit more, for some more opinions. I just finished writing the second chapter, and again I will warn you that this is completely unedited material.


I sat on the pile of blankets considered I had to consider a bed, in the middle of my empty ex-room. It was one more day until I left town with Lena and headed for the big city. The mixture of emotions swirling around inside of me, making my stomach feel like a spin cycle in the washing machine, were the least of my worries. It had been three days since I’d seen Wriker, or heard from him. Well I guess I could have heard from him, because he had certainly been trying to get a hold of me, if the messages on my phone were any indication. I wasn’t sure how he’d retrieved my number, but it didn’t matter, since I’d be changing it soon after I got settled over in Vancouver.
The problem was, I wanted to see Wriker, wanted to feel him near me. And that was bad. Very, very bad. For starters he was supposed to be my enemy, and no one was ever supposed to just find feelings for their enemy. And secondly I was leaving, packing up and starting a new life away from this small town. In order to do that, I needed to get away, and I didn’t need something, or rather someone holding me back. Wriker was training to be in fire rescue, and being in a small town suited him, I couldn’t see him in a city. And I couldn’t see me staying here in a small Albertan town. Lastly, I was just scared. I didn’t know what exactly it was that had gone down between us or why, and I was afraid to find out.
“Why does it have to be so hard….” I sighed flopping onto my back and staring at my phone, and internal battle raging inside of me. At that moment I sensed I wasn’t alone.
“Why does what, have to be so hard?” I looked over to see Lena standing in the doorway. I’d give anything to just be able to explain it all to her, tell her every last thing going on in my head right now. The battle between calling Wriker, and forgetting him. The fact that I may, or may not care about him. And the slight issue, that I just happen to have hooked up with him, just as she and everyone else had jokingly predicted. But I just couldn’t. Talking about it with someone would make it more real than it already was, and before I could do that, I had to figure things out.
“Nothing, I’m just being melodramatic again. So, you excited? One more day, and we’re outta here!” I smiled breaking the tension. Lena smiled in returned, so trusting of my words. That’s exactly why she was my best friend.
“Of course! Who wouldn’t be?” She ginned, showing her perfect teeth. “Anyway, I just stopped by to ask you if you knew the flight had been changed to a later one. Inconvenient I know. But hey, at least we’ll have a little more time for goodbyes.” I stared blankly at her not knowing what to say. More time for goodbyes? That sounds nice enough but that made my temptation surge into an enormous inner title wave, surely I would cave. Noticing my silence she went on.
“Speaking of goodbyes, I thought I’d go visit my Grandma once more before we head out. So I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon?”
“Yea…” I waved and let her go just as fast as she’d appeared. The wave towered up inside of me and came crashing down in a sea of emotions. Yep, I would cave. Right now. I picked up my phone and dialled the now familiar number, fiddling anxiously with the pillow of my make shift bed.
Ring, ring, ring. Please, please pick up, I at least want to hear your voice one last time before I go, I screamed inside. I don’t know if I’d be relieved or hurt if he ignored my call. I know I couldn’t blame Wriker, because I had ignored him for the past couple of days.
“Aubrey?” Finally, he did answer. I let out a breath I didn’t even know I’d been holding and nodded, realizing he couldn’t see me.
“Yes.” One word was all I could manage.
“Why didn’t you answer? I wanted to talk to you about…” his voice trailed off as though he just didn’t know what to say. This was new, Wriker not having words.
“I don’t know. I guess I was scared. I mean, it was sudden and I’m sorry.” Great, now my words came out all at once.
“Did you think I can see you? I know you’re leaving, that’s no secret. But I want to see you Aubrey.” He sounded so vulnerable. It was almost shocking and I knew that I was losing the war waging furiously inside my head. I couldn’t say no.
“Sure. But somewhere private, if that’s ok with you?” Wriker agreed without any argument and gave me directions to a spot he thought would be perfect to see each other. After hanging up, I realized that I really was relieved; it was good to hear his voice. And maybe it will feel even better to see him. If anything it might mean closure.
Forty five agonizingly long minutes later I walked down the path beside the river, knowing he’d be at the end waiting at the bench. It was place I’d been before; it was quiet and beautiful, overlooking the water. No one really went there because it was up a dirt path out of the way of civilization, and that was what made it the perfect place for us to meet. As I walked I realized I was both nervous and excited, which again worried me. I couldn’t afford to feel this way right now.
Deciding to ignore it I began walking even faster around the last bend. When I entered the clearing, I guess I was quiet enough that Wriker didn’t hear me, because he never turned around from where he sat, looking out at the waters deep in thought. This took me off guard, I never thought he was the kind of guy to sit so silently and think things over. And I wondered just what it was he was thinking about. Was I frequenting his mind, as he was frequenting mine?
My own thoughts had me petrified, frozen where I stood. I didn’t want to disturb Wriker when he was so obviously vulnerable, all his walls were down and I was sure no one had seen this side of him before. Usually he was loud and obnoxious always throwing comments at people like daggers. And that was exactly why I fought back. That was why I thought we were enemies. But right now I didn’t know what we were anymore, so I forced myself to take one step forward. Then another, and another, finally I stood beside the old wooden bench, looking down at him, not knowing what I should say.
Maybe my silence conveyed more than any words I could have said would have, because at that moment Wriker looked up, letting his beautiful blue eyes meet my own brown orbs. This had the blood rushing to my cheeks for reasons I didn’t understand and I reached up to cover my face with my hands. There was no way anyone, especially Wriker was going to see me blush. It just wasn’t normal, you don’t blush because of your enemy, under any circumstances.
“Don’t...” He gently reached up pulling my hands away from my still heated face, and before I knew what was going on, he’d managed to pull me into his lap. Wow that was close in a hurry. “I said I wanted to see you. Please don’t hide.”
And I think he just took all my words, it’s as if I’d never learned how to speak. I want to break the silence, I want to yell at him like I used to. I want to have him insult me, so that I can inform him of his Tic Tac and pretend that none of this is really happening. For now though, I can’t because I know deep down I really don’t want to do any of those things.
“I know this is strange. I thought I hated you too, but it wasn’t true.” God these words are the last thing I want to hear right now. It isn’t his fault, it’s all me. I just can’t let myself get attached to this boy who is so completely different from me. It isn’t fair to him, and it isn’t fair to me. It would never work. I have to derail this train before it makes it any further. I need to make sure it never makes the next station. So I cause a train wreck.
“You’re right Wriker, it is strange. And maybe it’s true that you don’t hate me, but I still hate you.” I saw the pain flash in his eyes and I knew I’d hate myself later, but I knew this was for the better. “Maybe I always will!”
“But the other night, we…” Just like back in the seventh grade he was silent, fishing for words, words that I wouldn’t let him catch.
“The other night was a mistake. And you know what it proved? That you really are lacking, and guess what? I faked it all. Goodbye Wriker.” Trying not to notice the evident hurt on his face, I got up and all but ran back down the forest path. Unfortunately I wasn’t fast enough to miss hearing his whispered words, and I wasn’t sure who he was really speaking to, me or himself.
“It wasn’t a mistake to me…”
I just made out of site of the clearing when the tears came. I wanted him to yell back, angry. I wished I wasn’t the only one to inflict damage; I wanted him to help me destroy this. But it was all me, all he did was try to fix the rails the train had been on.
With that knowledge I couldn’t stop the tears from falling in rivers down my cheeks. I let the damn down and the flood come, as I stumbled blindly back to my car. This was good I tried to remind myself. I’d put everything back to the way it should be, and I almost believed it too. Maybe I would believe it when I got out of this town.
The next afternoon I sat next to the always smiling Lena, as we waiting for our flights boarding call. This was it, we were finally getting out of the place we’d been trapped our whole lives. So why wasn’t I smiling proudly about this milestone? Oh yea, because yesterday I’d totally destroyed something that could have been beautiful. Sure I had hated Wriker for years, but that didn’t give me the right to shoot him down so entirely over something we’d both been a part of.
“You okay Sweetie, you’re looking a little down cast? I thought you’d be happy, you’ve only been waiting for this day for the last few years.” Yep, that was Lena for you, always caring. I knew if I didn’t come up with an excuse fast her concern would turn to its cousin, worry.
“Yea, of course I’m fine. Just a little tired from finishing a few last minute arrangements, that’s all.” I smiled at Lena to emphasize my point, and as always she believed me.