You, In the beautiful world. [I keep hitting brick walls! Help me out!?]
 

You, in the beautiful world.

Prologue.

I had always found myself falling behind in my family, A family of Nobles, business men, and beings who only accept the very best, and it was certainly not a shock that they were ashamed to admit that they, such great beings, were related to I, a frail, sickly man who could only rarely leave bed, A man who lacked any sort of pride or wits or courage. I had always known that in my family that I would never come to be respected, But, I accepted that fact, just as they left me here in my room to rot away.

I had never been able to eat meals with large amount of meat, as my body would not handle it, and it resulted in me wilting, becoming more frail by the days gone by. I just had to settle with eating a salad with the occasional chicken or pork in it . Funny, it reminds me of something my mother would always joke about. She had said that if she were to open the window to my room, the wind would come in, snatch me up, and take me away, drifting me along the oceanic sky. I had longed for that to happen, ever since I was a young boy. I could become a bird and fly away from all these troubles. Never to have a worry in the world. I wouldn't have to face failures, losses or deadlines.
But that was a mere dream, from the me who was just a child. A child who did not understand that some day, he would certainly have to take care of other's.
My dreams of attending school were crushed, as well. Every once in a while, I would have private tutors come in, teach me simple tools and skills, then just vanish, I'd never see them again.
Everything I know, every word I write, every comma I crease into this page ; I have learned that from my very own and my self.




Chapter one.
Fox gloves, the midnight sky and the back of my mind.

As I aged, only so often being able to leave this room, I grew an interest for the night sky. By the time I was fourteen, I had named every star by memory and memorized when and where they would show up..At least, before they started vanishing like memories of an elders mind.
The night sky is a beautiful thing, A useful item, yet we as humans just disregard it. "Ah, Not many stars out." I would hear my Sister, Averi, say, almost in a scoffing manor when she would open the curtains at night for me to see. There were hardly any stars as I aged, but I still loved looking at the moon.
I had always loved how the moon looked against the tile. I could set out every flickering light around me and only investigate the pale moon's reflection.
It reminded me of a glass orb, or perhaps a perfectly round, perfectly white plate.
But, I cannot speak of my interest now. I know that for a fact, Once I manage to leave this room, to walk, to run, My father will forbid me of having those interests. I know he will try coaxing me into our own company, And it is not like it's a bad, or even ill thing to think about-It's just that if I were to pick which, I would rather be like the people outside. 'Free will will only ever be a piece of imagination for you, I'm sorry.' That is what my sister says. She has dreams, too, but I know she fears speaking them. It's a melancholic topic for us, for she is so bright and talented. As a woman, she will only get free will if she just runs and leaves the country. But everywhere else is the same. There are borders, invisible ones, my father says, Only men can do work- Women should only be left to care for you.
I never agreed with that phrase, though. And even if I did, Averi would be the exception.
She works too hard for other people, never takes things for granted, and takes care of me, even if I do try to deny it from her , When the Nurse or maid cannot. She must of read every single nursing book in history, because she has the most oddest of ideas. 'If your head begins to throb, just grab the lemon I set on the tray for you and rub it on your forehead.' She says, If I have a migraine. Of course, I disregard that fact she gives me and try to sleep, only to awake with the pounding once more. Then, she just enters the room and scolds me, both making me chuckle and my head throb with more rage, and then she forces the citrus against my forehead, causing the pain to ease.
She has a strange way of turning negative things some how..Charming and silly? She says I cannot get up because I am, in fact, Paper, Though when she said that for the first time, a glimmer of Melancholy filled both our eyes.
I had said in reply to her comment, "Then open a window, Pick me up and let me free." But there was nothing she could say in return. Nothing witty or bold.
Somehow, I wish she would have had some snarky reply to me, something to make me laugh. But there wasn't. Just dead silence, aside from the clanking of dirty dishes that she was taking out of my room.
My sister, I wish I could return her kindness. As I cannot physically come to her aid, I always do keep her in thought, though. Maybe if I think enough, our wishes of doing what we please would come true.
For now, they will stay put in the back of my head, only returning when I am in complete solitude. But, the thing is-- that is almost always





|Chapter two.
|Irises, thoughts and Tea.

Perhaps It had been Wrong of me to think this way. I’ve always known my life was easier than other’s, and I hadn’t any right to complain about such things. I know men would kill to have my life. To stay in bed, be spoiled, be taken care of, To be loved by my family, my caretakers, and what little people I know. Any peasant would love to have the life I lead, to get royal care, and never work for even an ounce of it.
I always see the gardeners busting their backs for every single order my father places. when I peak out the windows, and they work through every single season, even if they’re falling ill or tired. They just work like ox. Then, there are the maids, Aiskus and Oka, always tending to my family’s every whim. The chef, Mr. Mateus, he makes a beautifully prepared meal for everyone in our house, then he goes out of his way to visit me in his free time.
Dr. Müller, always rushing to both my or my sister’s calls, weather she’s fallen and scraped her skin or I have become deeply ill, He is always, always there, no matter how he feels, how upset he may be.
Everyone, even the man I’ve grown to loathe over time, he works so hard for me and my sister to keel our beautiful house, which my great grandmother had worked so hard for, She had gone from a peasant to a trade company goddess in only a few years. My mother, even she, a fragile woman, worked so hard , harder than I, A man, She worked to hard to keep our company, and she would never step down when a man tried to prove anything she said was wrong. She had been sicker than me, but she fought. She fought harder than my father, or any other man I have seen. I, a man, I will disregard what my father says. I must take care of myself, not a woman. I must fight for our company.
What kind of man am I? I’m just a sad, sad, sheepish one.--No. that makes it sound like I will still continue to weep for myself, drenching in myself in my own wallows and solitude. I will not anymore, though. Hear me out, god above! I will not be proven wrong. I need to prove to everyone who is ashamed of me.. I need to prove that I will not always be bed-ridden. I need to prove to my father that I am not a pathetic waste of time and that I most certainly can take over for the company. Our company. My company. When I return to my thoughts above.. Who on the face of this earth would possibly want to live this life? Only staying in this one spot, only occasionally able to leave. Perhaps what my father had said.. perhaps it was in fact true. Perhaps I am just a waste of life. Why couldn’t I, rather than my mother, have left? Why won’t she come back.. Why? Where is she? Can she see my words, my commas, my punctuations? Is she reading this very sentence, just as I write it? I wonder. I wonder if that is in fact true. If so, Mother, please reply to my prayers. Exchange your soul for mine.
“ Please.. Just return.”


|Chapter three.
|Alstroemeria, a distraught man and apologies.



Shaking. I was shaking. I had grabbed the rails of my bed, fingertips turning a dark blushed hue as I clenched tighter and tighter. I was frantic, squirming bug-like and weakly, trying to force myself up. My legs were never in more pain. I could feel the strain in my muscles, my bones felt like melting glass. Perhaps if I were to get up, part of my limbs would drip to a puddle, and the remainder would shatter into a million tiny pieces. I clutched those rails harder than I had clutched Mother’s hand as a child, beads of sweat dripping down, shining in the cast of light from the window, almost looking like small, fragile diamond coruscate. I felt tears forming in my wilting eyes, but I soon snapped up, choking them back. I pushed myself off my bed, satin gold sheets falling along with me. A stabbing pain had soon entered in my spine, but I tried my best to hold back all grunts of pain that I could.
I gripped onto the bars once more, I could have sworn if I had fastened them any more, my nails would be drilled into the silver bars. I wasn’t a heavy man, Not at all, so why was this so complicated? I slid my thin hands farther up the bar, at least managing to get my torso off the ground. Now, I had to work on my legs. I shook the thin sheets off from my lower half as I raised my torso, the sheet was almost like a cocoon for me, the stubborn caterpillar.
My legs were numb from the pain, making it all nearly nonexistent, but I could still feel the tile beneath my feet, and It felt like ice. Perhaps if I did manage to stand up, the tile would engulf me with it’s delicate frost, making me into a Ice-sculpture, I had chuckled at the thought wondering when the child-like side of me would just grow up already, but my face soon flew back to a serious, focused state. I wanted to go back into my bed, I wanted to just sleep and pretend that this had never happened, but as my mother said, you must always, always finish what you have started. So, I had decided to do so. I had dragged my limbs up, as my arms and hands crawled up to my night stand, using it as support. I had been leaning over by then, Not walking, but holding myself above the ground. I was shaking like a newly born fawn, yet I had not known why I was so afraid. I wanted to try, but there was a glimmer of fear striking in my throat. I lowered myself from my support, now leaning against the wall to get my soles used to the pressure. I screamed. I screamed louder than I ever had. It felt like there was A dagger penetrating through the soles of my feet, digging through the core of my ankles, all the way up to my thighs and spine. I gasped breathlessly, barely trying to put any pressure what so ever on the painful jointed parts. I felt like a coward, and dared myself to put more weight on it, only finding myself to fall over, face first on the icy chill of the tile. I opened my eyes, seeing my reflection in the porcelain colored floor. I saw my eyes and scoffed a bit.”is this what I have become?” I mumbled to myself before hearing a half gentle, half rough knock on my door.
Anxiety filled my veins, and I bit my lip, worried who it would be. I did not want to answer the knock, fearing who it would be. I just lay there, feeling numb and iced, until the knock had returned once more. I panicked mentally, wondering about all the faces that could be behind that door. “Sir?”
My eyes had shot up, it was my doctor! My doctor of all people..Oh, he would in fact scold me for this.. I had to get up. But my body was just lifeless to my own nerves.
I heard the knock stab against my ears again, and I panicked.
My struggle continued once more as the knocking echoed in my head. His word, “Sir?”...It was spoken so gently, So very gently.
Would he really be upset if he saw me like this?
Perhaps I could throw out an excuse..
No.
I’m tired of using excuses. Excuses for lazing around all day-- No, they are not excuses, but an excuse. Only one. Only one, small, meaningless excuse.
“I can’t do it”, those words escaped from my mouth as I heard the third knock.
“ I just can’t..”
“Sir, Are you in there? Are you alright?”, said a muffled voice from the other side of my comfort zone, the hallway.
“Daniel?” I asked, even though I already knew who it was. My chest was getting cold against the floor, and I could see my foggy breath staining the tile. “Come in..” I mumbled, that statement proving that I had surely given up. I heard the door creak open, his shoes swiftly throwing him on the floor beside me once he had seen the mess I had become.
“You.. Are you alright, Sir?” I smiled at him, trying to make a joke out of the current situation,but he just scowled and proceeded to lecture me.
“I have told you many, many times before! What do you do? You go ahead and throw yourself on the floor like this! You should know by now, Never, Never try to get up on your own! You understand me?”
I laughed lightly, he was sounding awfully motherly. He only glared at me, his greasy brown eyes analyzing me.
“Honestly...What will your family ever do with you?”





Chapter four.

Roses, forgiveness and afternoon tea.


Something in me had snapped when he had said that. “Please.. don’t say anything like that.”
He smiled kindheartedly after, and nodded. “I’m sorry..” He sighed out, offering me his hand, which I grabbed. He dragged me to the bed rather harshly, sat me down and began to inspect my bones, searching to see if I was in any pain.
“So..” He paused, as if he was trying to collect thoughts. “Your father wants you to leave the room today. Your family has a very important meeting with people of very high importance. He says it’s vital that you come down for at least today.” I looked up. That doesn’t sound like my father. He doesn’t care who shows up.. He is too ashamed of me to go down there..”Of others to meet me.” That statement had slipped out of my mouth, which had caught Dr. Müller’s attention to me again for a split second before he went back to focusing on some object out the window. Perhaps a bird, or a stray leaf.
“Hm? What was that, sir?” He asked curiously, his eyes drooped and half lidded as if he were day dreaming.
“Nothing, never mind that.” I sighed, half smiling at him. He was certainly interesting. Then, a thought came to mind. “Why did he send you, though? I did not mean to sound rude..It’s just that you are, well, a doctor.” I asked, fully curious. Why on earth would he send my doctor?
“Ah.. Well, he had mentioned that The maids were busy arranging silver ware and tidying up the dining hall, And Sir Mateus was quite occupied with dinner...” He trailed off, as if he were going into deep thought once more. “But why were you here?” I asked, not noticing how bitter I sounded. He blinked in shock. “Sir, Since you have been stuck in this room, I have lived here. Both me and my wife. I figured that you would know that.”
“I’m sorry..” I could not believe I had never known that, how else would he have always made it so quickly into this house?
“Shall I grab your chair and lead you down?” asked the ditzy doctor, a sudden change of mood. Something was striking him, for he was never this... careless.
“No. As you know, when you had walked in on me, I was trying to stand up, at the least, you can spare me the humility of being fully serviced, for it seems that whoever I am going down for is very meaningful to him.”
“And what triggered that will, Sir?”
“I had grown tired of being ashamed of only because I am bound to this room like a guard is to his post. The only difference is that a guard is respected for what he does, at the least.”
I caught a glimpse of his smile, which went from ditzy to heart filled in a single swing. “What? Do you find this humorous?”
“No, No, it’s not that.. It’s just that I envy your will power...You are not like most nobles, most nobles wish to just laze and be wealthy all day, never working. If you want to try and stand, I will not stop you. But you must have me or another guide you down, I forbid you from going on your own.” There he was again. He was sounding so... motherly. He was just that! I bed he was in fact a mother in a man’s body. I laughed once more at my thoughts of him actually being a her, but settled up once again.
“You sound so parent like with me--” I was cut off.
“As your doctor, I have the right to order you around as far as your illness goes. Now, come along.” His tone was harsh now, a drastic change from the ditzy state of mind he was previously in.
“..Alright..” I grumbled, reaching up for him. He dragged me along until I had noticed one detail. A major one, at that. “..Perhaps I should put on a suit, at the least. A simple shirt and slacks will never do, especially if this person is of such importance.” He stopped for a bit, agreeing with my realization. “Very well.” He nodded to accent his words. “Pick the suit you would like, then, Sir?” He asked, as he walked me over to my wardrobe, opening it wide enough for me to see. I scanned my wardrobe about two or three times before grumbling in my head. They all looked the same, It would not even matter if I had picked or not, I would still get the same thing. One suit did catch my attention, though. It was a navy blue, along with the slacks. A gold sash accented it, the trim embroidered with shell-like waves. The gold buttons caught my attention as well. I then raised my arm to it, Clipping the full suit off the hanger, leaning back, then closing the wardrobe. He led me back to my bed and stepped out, giving me privacy to change.I scanned the suit, thinking to myself. I’ve never seen this.. It must have been my father’s. Yes, who else? I soon cleared the thoughts and dressed myself, wanting to hurry, to not keep my family waiting. I called for the doctor,and he entered, grabbing my boots and sliding them on. I heard him chuckle a bit. “You’ll need to pay me a bit more for this.” He paused, outstretching his hand for me to grab. “I am, after all a doctor, not a butler.”
I laughed quietly and grabbed his arm rather than his hand and leaned on him, barely keeping myself up. I caught a glimpse of myself while looking down into the tile as I dragged myself along with him. I was sure that this suit would at least make me look more noble than sickly. He soon lead me out to the hallway. It looked so.. different from what I had remembered. There was a luxurious blue and silver carpet leading down the center of the hallway, making a beautiful, elegant trail. Dr. Müller trailed us to the grand stair case and walked me down, smiling. My eyes continued to scan the decor I have missed for so long. Beautiful paintings filled the walls and Velvet curtains dressed the windows. A Chandelier draped down over the foyer, lighting the room not too much, but not too little. I saw the noble family beside mine. My own was eying me, my sister’s eyes filled with joy, my father actually managing to pull up a grin. I was not worried about anything though. I was just happy to be out of bed, to walk, to see my family.
I made it down the final step, clutching my doctor, barely walking. I was smiling, Looking at Averi, wondering how proud she was that I had made it out of my room for the first time in months.
My father looked at me, the more I looked at him, the more that the grin felt... real.
“This would be the eldest. My only son, Esau.” He started, looking at me and the doctor with a hint of satisfaction in his eyes. He nodded, silently thanking, and Daniel nodded back.
“Esau. Your manners!” I heard my father snap. “Ah! Yes.. I am sorry, father” I nodded shamefully, a pain in my legs starting to stab again as I glanced at the family standing near. I scanned the family I had disregarded, dare I say, not even noticed. There was a tall, slender man, he wore a brave, cheerful smile. His suit was just a pale brown, a dark black tied around his neck. I glanced to the left of him and saw the woman clutching his arm as I was with Daniel. Of course,I was not clutching nearly as.. romantically. Her hair was a fair, pale brown, and it was pinned up, Her hairpin matching the scarlet red dress. There was another man, he seemed to be a bit younger than the other, so I will guess he was his son. He only dressed in a sloppy creme shirt which was messily tucked into his black slacks, His boots tapping as his eyes drifted to the ceiling. But there was one thing that caught my attention. One person. She had the same pale brown hair as her mother, or at least, that was who I believe it was, but it was not pinned up. Nor braided or set to the side. It was short, but not too short, and it just lay there on each side of her shoulders. Her eyes were a soft green, like the colour of a wilting willow tree, and she wore just a pure, simple white dress. No complex designs or textures. Just a white dress which was laced at the ends of the skirt. Her skin was of a dolls, her cheeks were perfectly blushed, and her lips were untouched, only a bare light pink color.
Daniel dragged me to the family, the pain in my bones rising and sinking as he did so. I bowed, as best as I could, that is, to the family and took the order I was given and introduced myself personally.
I greeted the woman whom I believed to be the mother of the two younger ones. “Audey, That is whom I am. Audey Rousseau.” She said, in a cool, smooth voice, bowing back, certainly more graceful than I. I was pulled gently to bow to her husband. “Laux Rousseau. I am Audey’s husband, thought I am sure you have suspected that by now.” His voice was worn but calm, and a chuckle escaped from him after the last word was spoken. I then managed my way to whom I believed to be their son, And he was the first to bow. “Laux Rousseau! The second!” He exclaimed after a very...energetic bow. I then managed myself on my own, still leaning a bit on Daniel, to the young woman in white. I bowed to her, smiling a small smile, even though my skin felt cold and my legs felt numb, I was some how at ease.



Chapter five.

Yellow Chrysanthemum, a name and causes.

“Jeanne. My name Is Jeanne.” She bowed her head and broke a small grin, and then Daniel took me to my place next to Averi, where I stood. Or rather, just leaned. “This is the family of Rousseau. A high family. I want you both to treat them with the highest respect, for they will be partners in business” He started, smiling a bit at me, for once! “Laux, Audey, please, come.” He led them away, leaving me and my sister and their children in the foyer.
“Father, Do we follow, as well?” Averi asked, though she probably know the answer.
“Take time to know their children. You two, or at least you, will be spending lots of time with them.” He stated. It felt harsh. It’s true, she might be able to see them far more often.. But he didn’t have to be so mocking about that fact.
Silence fell upon us, we were all looking for good phrases to start with. “...This.. is.. My doctor.” I slipped out, not really knowing where to go with it. I looked at him, as if I was trying to ask him to help with the failing exchanges of words. “Ah, yes! It is nice to meet you both.” He threw out. He really was hopeless, for a doctor..
Jeanne and Laux Just smiled, and I chuckled nervously. My sister was just.. lost in thought. Really, everyone was today, though.
“..Esau, Are you sure you want to stay down here? Is there any pain in your legs?”
So badly, So very badly had I wanted to nod and say yes. But I just said ‘no’.
“Should we sit? I’m sure you do not want to be standing”-- “Daniel. Please, I will get nowhere if I just lay in bed.”
I could feel my sister, Laux, And Jeanne staring at me, so I stopped.
“I’m sorry, Daniel. I do not want to be stuck there all day, though.”
“I understand.” And the silence broke through once more. “Mister Esau! I don’t wanna sound nosey or anything.. But... What’s wrong with you? I mean, can’t you walk?” There was a thick accent in his words. He spoke like the new world people, People who I had only come across once or twice. I grinned a bit at his question. I couldn’t get mad, I honestly couldn’t, So I tried to sum everything up as lowly as possible.
“Haha, It’s quite alright, I assure you. I get that question many times. I am just.. ill.”
I saw his eyes widen, He just looked at me strangely, as if he had more questions to ask.
“Do not fret, Neither you or your sister will get sick! I have lived with my brother for so long, and I am just fine!”
I felt a pair of thin arms wrap around me, and I just let out a small sigh, my balance pushing around. I could see Daniel cringe in discomfort, and I patted my sister to let go, and so she did.

To Averi and I’s idea, we all headed out to the garden soon after, and Daniel set me upon a bench to rest.
“I will return when your father calls you all for dinner.” He spoke softly, walking away, but slightly turning his head back.
“Yes, sir. Thank you. You honestly haven’t any idea what this means for me.”
“Do not mention it” He smirked at those spoken words and trailed himself indoors.
I glanced to the left , a pond sitting in the area near the bench. It’s water was clear, and though I was not close enough to even feel it, I knew it was cold. “Esau?” I heard a soft, gentle voice call.
“Hm? Jeanne? Did you need something?” I asked, only barely catching a glimpse of her. “No! Of course not. May I just sit?” She said, laughing lightly at the end of her sentence. “Of course you may. But.. where are Laux and my sister?” I tilted my head towards her, scooting a bit to make space for her.
She sat in the spot beside me and smoothed out her dress.
“I believe your sister and my brother went to look at the back garden...I don’t suppose you mind me sitting here?”
“No, Not at all! To be quite honest.. You stroke interest in me from the first glance.” I mumbled that out. For some unknown reason.. I was burning up, or atleast my face was. I wasn’t sick, no. But there was this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was a bubbly feeling, but it annoyed me very much. I needed to rid of it! I had to.
“Oh, is that so?” She rose an eyebrow, a questioning, curious look filling her eyes. She gave me a warm smile.
“Yes, that is so!” I nodded, proudly shouting.
She just laughed. “You are a strange one, And while I am flattered, I do not believe I am worth interes--”
I silenced her words with my own. “You seemed.. much different than most of the women I have met --Or people in general, for that matter. I am not sure what it is.” I couldn't place it on my mind. There was something about her that was so welcoming, it had made me feel so.. at ease.
She just laughed again lightly, and then put on a still bubbly, but serious face.
“Well..I thank you. You, too, Esau.. You are very... different.” She said, jokingly.
“Why did you say it like that!?” I asked, raising my voice with a hearted laugh. I had already felt at home with her.. I hadn’t been this happy in a while, and I had not even known her for a day.
“Haha! Well, It is true!” A trace of sadness was caught in her soon after. “I am sorry for your...You know..Legs.” She said apologetically.
“It is not like I will never walk, and it is most certainly not your fault, so do not apologize.” I reassured her, closing my eyes as I relaxed.
“Oh?” She tilted her head like a child, and I just blinked and enjoyed the cool wind for a second before releasing my delayed response.
“Yes.. There are days where I can walk, where my legs do not feel like shattering mirrors. Where the floor isn’t a iced lake swallowing up my feet. They are rare, but they do exist. I can be with my sister and smile freely. But those days leave the quickest. They are always in such a hurry...”
She nodded, as if she understood what I was saying. But she wasn’t just pretending like she did. I could some how sense that she knew everything I was saying. She knew exactly how it felt.
“Well, Esau.. I thought it was very bold of you to try to make it here on your legs. It must have been.. Just horrid.”
I just smiled at her, calmly drifting my gaze to the pond.
Silence fell upon us, and Twilight was slowly creeping among the sky.
“How often will your family be visiting, Jeanne?”
She swiftly replied to me. “As much as your family allows us to.”
And for whatever reason...Those words, I would never forget.
Those words made my heart race and my mind smile.



Chapter six.

Jeanne.

I didn’t know why I was so happy.
‘As much as your family allows us to.’ Those very words.. They made my entire being smile.
Ah! what a fool I am! Getting so excited over this--Over a woman I had only met this very day.
The day passed quickly, though.
The dinner was beautiful, as expected from Mateus, and my father was happy, something out of the ordinary.
Why was he like this? He is almost never full of grins and heart-filled chuckles. There had to have been something on his mind. Perhaps he was proud of me? That may be so, but he is the least likely man to feel that.
Business first, Himself, Family. That was the order of his mind, and if it didn’t go in that very order, he didn’t care.
------------

This is where I hit a stop. Anyone willing to help!? Thank you all so much.