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clevernamepending
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#1
Old 04-15-2007, 05:38 AM

Judt a short story I wrote.


The two of us were sitting out on the porch, fall creeping in around us, sending icy tendrils through the air. She was watching the trees shake away the last of their leaves, baring themselves in a naked honesty that you can only expect from plants. “What’s on your mind?” I asked, my voice sounding strange in all of this silence and nature. She looked at me slowly sliding her earthy green eyes at me. I actually turned my head.

“Nothing. Just enjoying the scenery. It’s been a while since we got out of the city.” when we were dating back in high school I lived out in the boons, so we had to drive through the country to go to my house. She always fell into this sort of content silence when we did, unless she was singing along to the radio, something she got less and less shy about as time went on.

“You’re the one who wanted to live in town.” I pointed out looking back out to the bare trees as her eyes slid back to the scenery.

“That was a statement, not a blame thing.” she said tonelessly, throwing her head back and sending a cascade of chestnut over her shoulder and nearly whipping me in the face. “Sorry,” she said glancing back at me as I swatted at air and hissed.

We fell into companionable silence, and I remembered when she hated just sitting around and saying nothing. Well, she was always good when her surroundings offered her some sort of beauty. I had a hard time getting her into conversation when we were out on the country side or in the forest, or, worst yet, by the lake.

But when we first started dating, she was so different, I reflected silently. She was high energy, bright, shining, loud, a bit insecure, and seemed all warmth and caring, but shockingly kept most people at arms length. I never had the problem of her keeping me to far back, which was why years later we were still together. She was much more subdued, but that could also be because we weren’t in high school anymore. Her sense of humour was more wit and cleverness then lewd cracks at her own or friend’s expenses.

“Are we ever going to get married?” she asked, pulling the blanket more tightly around herself. She was wearing a pair of jeans, an over sized sweater, what for all I knew were kids boots, and a blanket, shawl sort of thing around her shoulders and hugged to her chest. She was very carefully watching the naked trees dancing in the wind when she asked that, afraid to look at me. She thought if she looked at me that she’d see what she was afraid to, that even after all this time, I didn’t want to settle down.

“Dunno.” I said honestly. Her whole head turned in a sharp movement and she studied me with those green eyes of hers. They darted back and forth, focusing on each of my eyes in rapid turns. “You know I love you.” I said for what felt like the millionth time.

“So you keep telling me.” she said tonelessly. I sighed and looked back out at the bare forest.

“You remember when you dragged me to that art exhibit, and the woman painted mostly forest. You were staring up at one painting and said ‘It must have been fall when she painted this’ and when I asked why, you said ‘Because it just seems to sad’.”

“You told me that you’d be damned if you knew, I was the artsy one, not you.” she was looking back at the forest.

“Yeap.” I was hardly ashamed of this fact. I liked border line artsy movies, music, and was a fan of the theatre, but, I could never get into photography and paintings. I studied her face from the side, and a slight smile tugged at her lips. “And you remember when we graduated from high school, how convinced you were we wouldn’t make it one year being apart, but, you were hell-bent to try?” she nodded. “We made it three years living apart, and we’ve been living together for over a year now. Why does my not knowing if I want to get married upset you?” I didn’t want to be exasperated with her, but I was.

She turned back to stare at me, studying my face like she may draw it later (for all I knew, she would) and sighed when she decided the question was sincere. “We’ve been together a long time.” she agreed. “We went through the tail end of being teens together, struggled into adulthood, and now, here we are. In the entire time we’ve been together, there’s always been a next stage.” I knew she was going somewhere with this, and already I didn’t like it. “We’re at that point in the time line in life where we either settle down, get married, have kids, and grow old in a little cottage by the river.” I’m not sure where the cottage by the river came from. She looked out to the bare forest for strength, which it seemed to give her, because there was a weight in her eyes when she looked back. “I love you. More then I care to admit out loud. But I want to be married someday. Have kids someday. And if you don’t want those same things…” her voice was snatched away in an icy fall wind. She smiled, but not with happiness, and got to her feet, kissing me on the cheek on her way up. “Sorry to drag you out here and spring you with this, you don’t need to decide right away. Take your time. Think about it. I don’t want to bully you into something you don’t want. Bring it up again when you’re ready, I’ll wait.” she stood in front of me, the fall winds toying with her hair like a new lover.

She smiled those rosebud lips, touched my cheek, and said “I’m going to go make some hot-chocolate, want some?” I nodded mutely and she vanished with no special grace of majesty into the cabin, the fall winds trailing her hair out behind her like some sort of taunt.

I sighed and stared out at the bare trees. Their naked honesty. They’re brittle limbs on display for all, waving invitingly in their seasons winds. They were withering away and dying, and they did it with such a joyful dance. Such a burst of colour. If I was ever going to get married, it was going to be with her, but, I just couldn’t picture that ring on her finger. The white dress on her young firm body. The little house. The bulging belly.

No, that isn’t true. I can see her having all of those things, I just don’t know if I can see her having them with me.

The Mouse
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#2
Old 04-16-2007, 04:11 AM

Admirable. I was pleasantly surprised. I generally like short stories, and this one I enjoyed quite a bit more than usual. I love your use of the scenery, even though it could use some tweaking here and there. But that's just a personal thing, some things that I would do if it were my story--maybe you wouldn't. Very, very good!

Hennessy-Cognac
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#3
Old 04-16-2007, 05:16 AM

Interesting how you introduced the people as "us" it's more different than other's but the hook is what got me.

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#4
Old 04-18-2007, 10:44 PM

Thank you both <3 and it's funny that you comment on the imagry as generally I'm more of a dialouge heavy writer, and neglect to tell my readers what my characters look like, which may be why some of it seemed a bit un-natural.

xDark_Midnightx
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#5
Old 04-19-2007, 10:01 PM

Wonderful story.
I usually don't like things like this, but u changed my prespective.
It keeps me thinking...
what happened....
Excellent work!

 


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