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Tease's Thread of Works. (Come Critique?)
PLEASE READ:
Alright. I'm planning on posting quite a bit of work here so I thought I should first introduce myself. I'm Emily. I'm 19 and planning on teaching (not English since I don't think I'm all that great). I know my faults are in grammar. Specifically commas and tense changing. So your criticism around that isn't entirely necessary unless you are able to give me tips on improving? That would be wonderful. Feel free to post in this thread as much as you like. I do not mind if you do that. I'll put the link on the front page so my stories do not get lost in the shuffle. Thank you. Table of Contents: Part One, Part Two, and Notes on I'll Be By Your Side |
I'll be by Your Side
If Sade taught me anything, it was love was the strongest bond to have beyond all else...without love in life you didn’t live. I sprawled out on Sade’s couch, it was by far one of the best pieces of furniture ever made. I basically only come to his house for the couch of heaven (that’s what I call it), well not really just for that… but it is a piece of work. Sade was busy on the phone with his dad, who was telling him to buy a pizza because he wouldn’t be home. This was not surprising, Sade’s father rarely came home from work. Ever since Sade’s mom died a few years back he’s done nothing but working. Sade acts like he doesn’t care, and he may not, but the house is so huge and so empty. Which is why my beautiful ass is always here to keep his sorry one company. I had known Sade for many years. He was definitely my one and only friend. I couldn’t even imagine my life without him. My life was unbearable enough as it was. My father, if I could even call him that, was as much of an alcoholic as someone can get. He had nothing sane left in him, and to my unfortunate luck he was my last living relative. I personally prefer not to consider him a father, or a family member either since in my life he has never acted like one. Sade is as close to a family member as I ever had. He was always there for me when I need him and I was always there for him when he needed me. As long as we have each other then we could face anything. I watched Sade as he paced back and forth with his mobile in his hand staring at the ceiling in apparent annoyance to get off the phone. Sade was an impatient person. He had bright blue eyes that looked like tropical waters in Florida or something. They could calm the wildest of beasts, but they always looked distant and sad. He too like me had lost everything in his life but his father. Although his dad wasn’t nearly as bad as mine, he was never home to pay attention to Sade and I think that’s what hurt him the most. Where alcohol had consumed my father’s existence, work had consumed Sade’s dad’s existence. They say different people cope in different ways. Many times I came over, not only to get away from my own house but to keep Sade company. I always try to bring happiness into those eyes and on rare occasions I succeeded and that made my day. Though today he didn’t look entirely as sad and distance as normal he actually looked kind of hyper which was a scary thought. He shut his phone and then looked at me with a small smile on his face and I felt a moment of concern come over me. “What are smiling like that for?” I muttered to him. He jumped onto the couch with me throwing his legs onto my lap and sprawling out. “Nothing.” He said quietly, then added “you just wouldn’t understand.” I gave a grunt and pushed his legs off my lap and glared at him. Then I frowned, “Come on Sade we always tell each other everything,” I whined like a young child begging for their way, it made him grin. Knowing I had succeeded at making him smile wider I pushed out my lower lip, and gave him the puppy dog eyes. He just stared at me for a second then started laughing. “Are you serious Adrian? Do you actually think that look works on me? And I told you that you wouldn‘t understand.” As he grabbed his side falling into a fit of laughter I just pouted more in disgust at him for being such a jerk. He always fell for ‘the look’ and he dared act all tough now? I gave a gasped in mock offense grabbing his attention with my sudden out burst. “How dare you insult my intellect!” I cried and he just shook his head pulling his socks on and getting up from the couch where we sat. “Awe Sade, no don't go, please don't!” I pouted, following him to the door. “If anyone’s leaving it should be me because you’re being such a jerk!” I defended myself even with no intentions of leaving. When he opened the door we both saw the torrential downpour. “Second thought maybe I’ll stay.” I muttered just as he sprinted off into the showering sheets of cold water to the mailbox. I chuckled as he attempted to dodge puddles on the uneven sidewalk, he was failing miserably at it though. I waited at the door as he came dashing back into the room skidding to a halt before the carpet so he didn't get his muddy feet all over it. “I think it's going to rain.” He declared giving me a cheeky grin, I just rolled my eyes. He was always like that stating the obvious. He pulled off his disgustingly wet socks, why he didn’t put shoes on I don’t know but I wasn’t planning to ask since; Sade was Sade without explanation. When he stood up he walked over to the kitchen and flopped down into the chair flipping through the mail. I watched him pull one letter and then chuck the rest to the side. Intrigued I wandered over. “Whose that from?” I asked looking over his shoulder. “It’s a letter from Mel.” I knew who Mel was of course, you can't be around Sade for more than a day without knowing who Mel was. When Sade moved here during middle school he had left someone behind, Mel. She was his best friend back then, and they had apparently always liked each other. I don't know if either one ever acted on it, I did know however, that Sade was head over heals in love with his dream girl. I had never met her, he sometimes went to go see here every now and then but only for a day or so. He would never take me along, I don’t know why. Always thought it was because he was embarrassed of me or something like that I mean there is no guarantee that I won’t make fun of him. If you think about it though, everyone in that situation where they meet someone through a friend always makes fun of that friend, it’s a way of bonding with the new person. Facts of life. Thinking somewhat fast I grabbed the letter out of his hands and held it above his head reading it to myself as he practically climbed on me to get to it. I snorted as I finished, “Love Mel? Love Mel!” I cocked an eyebrow and looked at him as he stopped trying to get the letter. Letting go of my arm he blushed, something that was so cute. “When'd she fall in love with you?" I said jokingly. He glared for a split second then said, “When we were on vacation last month, she's transferring here so we can be together.” He looked happy at that one moment and I knew there was no way anyone could have ever dampened his mood. He hadn’t even told me that she had went on that vacation with her as well as his dad. I bit my tongue to stop from complain to him, instead I handed him back his love letter and wandered back to the couch of heaven where I slumped down and this time I sprawled out on it. Sade came over a couple seconds later and sat on the floor leaning on the couch. “Don’t be a grump cause I didn’t tell you about the vacation.” That comment made me stop staring off and look into his eyes, he knew me too well sometimes it was scary. “I’m not.” I said quietly trying to think of a way to avoid the conversation that was coming up about me being nice to her blah blah blah. “So when is she coming? Are you actually going to let me meet her?” I asked a second later just as he opened his mouth. He smirked and then said, “Of course she's going to be going to our school so it would be really hard for me to hide her from you. Even though I'm going to try as hard as I possibly can." I glared at him and he stuck his tongue out at me. I chuckled at the sight of his complete immaturity but then again I could be incredibly immature too. I looked at him seriously and said, “Hey if your in love with her there is not much I can do anyways right?” “Right,” came his quiet reply, then he said “She’s coming next week.” “Oh, so soon?” I questioned trying to hide my disappointment. I was going to have to start sharing Sade and that was something I didn’t know if I could do very well. “We've known for awhile.” He stated. That stung, we told each other everything, and he hadn't told me any of this. I guess things were going to start changing which was a scary thought since I had no one else but Sade. “Are you not going to want me to hang around anymore?” I asked, hoping he wouldn't say yes; I didn't really have anywhere else to go. “No, you can come around the same as you usually do.” I nodded avoiding his gaze. This was the beginning of the end I thought. I guess when next week rolled around I would find out if everything was going to change for better or for worse. Somehow I had a feeling it wouldn’t be too bad despite everything. “I'm not going to walk in on anything right?” I teased him trying to lighten the mood, he grinned at me. “Like you would care if you did.” I smirked at him he was so right. “Good point, I've got to get going though or else my old man is going to skin me.” He nodded and walked me to the door. The rain was still falling pretty hard, as I threw on my shoes and walked out into the downpour waving at him. I started to jog passed his black pick up truck towards my house wondering why I hadn't drove my car over. Stupid me, I guess. As I ran with the rain hitting my face making it feel like hail, I thought, would things really change when Mel came? Would Sade change? Maybe he would be happier. Something I wished only I managed to do for him since he always does so much for me. I continued running letting my mind wander to every thought about the new situation that was arising. I arrived at my house a short while after and I opened the mailbox that was hanging loosely from the outside wall. Flipping though the letters while standing in the rain, I came across a large envelope and glanced at the sender. I almost screamed in joy. It was from the college I applied to. I ran to my small porch and ripped open the envelope, I had gotten in on a scholarship. I shoved the papers back into the envelope, receiving a nasty paper cut. Even as the blood dripped down my finger I wasn't bothered by it; I was going to college. I was getting out of this house, nothing could ruin this. I walked in quietly hoping my father wasn't awake. Wandering to the kitchen I rummaged under the sink for a Band-Aid. Finding one, I put it on my paper cut then turned around to get up. I was stopped by a massive obstacle. I could smell the liquor on his breath from the floor where I knelt. I could see the bottle of beer in his hand and I wished I was anywhere but there. Moving as quick as I could I dodged passed him grabbed my envelope from the old table and dashed down the hall and into my room locking the door behind me. I heard glass shattering in the kitchen and I was so glad I was out of there. Looking down at the envelope in my hands, I flopped onto my bed and let out a huge sigh. Why couldn't I have a normal family? That's all I ever wanted, and the closest thing to family I had was Sade. |
I'll be by Your Side (continued)
A week later Mel arrived nothing really changed. I still made frequent visits to get away from my house. Mel was very cool, she was just Sade's type: quiet, calm, nice and very pretty. Soon enough months passed, and we all became very close, even though I was left out of the loop a little bit, but that couldn't be helped. I grew used to being the third wheel in some cases but it wasn’t as bad as I had been lead to believe on that one rainy day. Usually we just hung out and watched movies I would claim the couch of heaven and they would take the futon out of it and lay on the floor together which didn’t bother me at all. Me and the couch became bosom buddies. Though Sade and I rarely hung out with each other alone anymore when we did it was like old times just lounging around eating snacks and being stupid. Sade got accepted to the same college as Mel and I which was a nice surprise since we thought his grades were going to be low. One day during the summer, couple weeks before we all went off to college, we sat on Sade's back porch to watch the hummingbirds, something we had been doing in the recent weeks. Sitting in silences enjoying the nice day, there was a gently breeze and the sky was cloud free. After awhile the hummingbirds stopped coming because the artificial nectar was too low. I mentioned it not really wanting to move and Mel agreed it was low. She got out of Sade's lap and pulled at his arm. “Come on Love, lets go to the store and get some.” Sade smiled happily and got up following her. “Well be back in a little while Adrian.” I nodded waving them off. They need their time alone, I had been here for the past couple days nonstop. I heard the car drive off and I stayed watching the feeder for a long while. After ten minutes a large red necked male hummingbird came to the feeder and when it sat on the stand to drink, its weight made the bottom come off. What was left of the red liquid spill over the nice brown painted deck causing me to jump a bit. I got up and went to the sliding door, slipping in I shut it behind me. Sade’s air conditioned house was a nice refreshing break from the outside temperature. I went on the couch of heaven to relax and flipped on the television out of boredom deciding to wasting my life on cartoons, because really who can deny them of an audience. I waited another hour for Sade and Mel to return but they didn't come. I sighed and started flipping channels since my cartoons were over. When I hit the news, I froze. The screen had a sliding information box above that flashed ‘Late breaking news.’ In the background there was a smashed up car and in the foreground a woman stood with her mouth to a microphone talking into it slowly as if obtaining the information as she was going. I barely heard her because I was staring at the car that was in the crash it was all to familiar in my mind. “Just now a head on collision between a empty bus and a truck created a enormous accident although the bus was empty, other than the driver, the pickup had two passengers, we don't know there conditions as of right now but when we get the details we'll…” I didn't hear the rest because I was out the door jumping into my old beat up car, I started the engine and rushed down to the place where they had crashed. The police were all over the place when I got there. I ignored them and rushed over to the ambulance looking desperately for either Sade or Mel. I found Sade in the ambulance. I hopped in and went up by his face so he saw me. “Oh thank God you're alive Sade,” I whispered. He looked at me worried. “Is Mel alright?” He asked wincing in pain cause by his wounds. I couldn’t tell what was wrong with him but he looked like he was in a lot of pain. There was a medical person in the truck who was checking everything about him. I glanced around and saw officers talking to the bus driver…then I saw two men with a stretcher and a black body bag and I swallowed hard. I didn’t want to be the one to break the news to him but I figured it better me than some stranger. I looked back at my best friends face and put my hand in his and cleared my throat tears in my eyes, “She’s gone Sade, it’s going to be alright I'll be here.” I watched Sade’s eyes and he used all the energy he had to watch mine. I held his hand till the medical people pushed me out and tore away in the ambulance. I went over to the officers who were taking witness reports and they sat me down so I could give them information on Sade and Mel. I felt the lump in my throat grow as I talked and as they told me what had happen. I could barely stand when I was done. - A couple months later I sat with Sade on his front porch, both of us sitting quietly and content as we could be. He hadn’t said much since the accident, nor in the hospital or rehab for his broken legs. If he did say something it always had to do with Mel, how she was gone or how she had been. He’d sometimes scream for her in his sleep. I heard him when I stayed there overnight to help. When he did say something I hadn’t wanted to hear it. He looked at me with his eyes, the eyes that had once been happy, “Adrian, Mel was my dream.” His eyes filled with tears and they slid down his face, “Adrian, I lost my dream. What's the point of living without a dream?” He whimpered out. It was the first time I had ever seen Sade cry, tears raked through his body causing him to shutter helplessly and as he leaned on my body I wrapped my arms around him crying too. I cried for Sade, for me, and for Mel. The next day Sade was found in his bathtub, full of blood and water. I hadn’t found him, Sade’s father had come home early to check on him see how he was. That day I not only lost Sade, but I lost my family, and my dream too. |
Notes about I'll be by Your Side:
Originally I wanted to write a longer version because I realize this one is very short as well as rushed, but I never had time to write a longer one. Something I loved about this story is I NEVER (at least I'm pretty sure) clarify which gender Adrian is. I love the idea of letting the reader decide for themselves. So please comment...I ask it be constructive and if you don't like it just don't say anything or be respectful at least. |
Poem for one of my very dear friends. Now I suck at poetry and lyrics but I would really like to try at everything. So feedback and tips are loved.
Rachel The things you’ve gone through It’s amazing you haven’t flew from here because of yet another fear You laugh and cover how you really feel but it’s okay to be real You have friends who care You could be anywhere Anyplace you go we will follow you there Had you been me You would see I’m not as strong as you You’re amazing in your ways And you make anyone want to stay Those that don’t aren’t alive But completely dead inside I love you so Your about as amazing as the snow Though it comes and goes It is routine enough to know It will always be there for me. |
A Greek mythology spin off with my own. My challenge: make a character that transforms into something. Tell me how I did. Couple punctuation errors I know.
Amara Amara was beautiful. When she walked heads turned towards her great superiority and her perfect completion. Her hair cascading down her shoulders like a waterfall, the color of the sun itself. Her eyes were the color of a moss covered rock, the grayness mixed with green as well as some brown. Her body was shaped as if it was formed by Zeus himself, completely perfect in every way. When people turned and looked at her, she noticed. She always loved the attention too. She never failed to acknowledge her beauty and became rather smug about her looks. As she grew older her beauty grew as well, she became a woman rather than a girl. Many noticed and still enjoyed watching her, but many grew bored. She had become extremely arrogant thinking everyone should pay attention to her and only her. But people didn’t. They eventually saw her true attitude and became annoyed avoiding her and ignoring her at all times. And as she became desperate, she started new methods of receiving attention, extreme methods. “Have you seen that woman in the market? She claims she's the daughter of a god.” The old man said to a acquaintance who was standing near him. “Everyone claims of immortality and greater superiority that us mere mortals. Just because she claims doesn’t mean she's is. Which god does she claim is her parent?” he replied in slight aggravation at the insolents of this man. “The daughter of Zeus. Her mother had an affair with him once I guess.” He stated looking behind him towards where the crowd was flocking. “She has good proof.” He said then gave a brief smile and continued walking the other way. The man he had been talking to frowned. What proof could she possibly have? A descendant of Zeus himself? Not possible or was it? His feet started moving before he even knew he was heading over to the stand where the woman stood. She held a knife the size of his hand, the blade was covered in blood as well as her hand. Dripping down the silver knife it looked beautifully sacred yet completely normal. The man stopped staring only long enough to look around, the crowd was huge, many mouths were hanging open. The woman smiled and then said “I am Amara, daughter of Zeus. I’m a goddess of my own. The most beautiful woman in the world.” With that she went silent her eyes scanning over the crowd. Then she too the dagger and slices a deep gash from her elbow to her hand. Everyone watched in aw as the blood slowly leaked out of the wound and dripped from her arm to the ground. She did even look to be in pain, and the crowd audibly gasped. Everyone watched as the wound she had just inflicted on herself slowly started closing. In moments it looked as if she hadn't cut herself, but she had. Seeing that, a few people backed away quickly and others stood and gaped at her. She smiled and continued to cut herself seeing everyone watching her in awe, she loved the attention. As she sliced and stabbed herself a few more times declaring she was the daughter of Zeus only she noticed the woman in the far corner of the crowd. She leaned against the wall her mouth thin and her eyes sharp. She was beautiful and right away she realized that this woman wasn’t human. She was the most beautiful woman in the world, Aphrodite. She stared for a second then glanced to the left of her. Another woman stood, her features were less welcoming and pretty as Aphrodite, though she was still beautiful. She had a sharp way about her and Amara could feel the despise coming from her. She gulped audibly to anyone near her heard it. She smiled as the last wound closed then grinned and said, “Now you will always remember me,” and with that she walked off the stand, into her worst nightmare. The two women caught up to her just as she entered the market area. In the middle of all the people who were trading and selling. The tapped her shoulder and she jumped and looked at them. Then she looked around slightly panicked like a prey being cornered by its hunters. “Amara, daughter of Llona and Zeus, god of all gods. We are here to seek redemption on you for your claims.” Aphrodite said. “What claims?” Amara cried. “Telling mortals you are a goddess, and claiming to be the most beautiful in the world.” Hera said her eyes boring into Amara’s. “I… I am though… Aren’t I?” She stuttered out. “No, false claims.” Hera said and then smiled cruelly. She waved her hands and with the power of a goddess she watched as Amara’s self-inflicted wounds started bleeding again. Everywhere the blood dripped from them. She had over fifty nicks and cuts and then other gaping wounds she had recently created from dagger. Amara looked down at herself her mouth open in agony and shock. People passing didn’t seem to notice her. No one did except Hera and Aphrodite. She cried out in pain, first little whimpering gasps as she watched her blood leaving then in sharper more painful gasps. “I am sorry, please make it stop, please” She begged yet the two women just watched arms crossed and serious expressions on their faces. A man now appeared. Amara was in to much pain to even be capable of hearing what they were saying but she looked up and saw him. Instantly she knew this was her father. He argued for a moment then the two women disappeared. “My daughter Amara. I can help you but you will never be alive again, is that what you wish?” She couldn’t think but anything was better then this excruciating pain, so she nodded. He had a frown on his face as he waved his hands his daughter’s slumped almost lifeless body lifted into the air and right before his eyes only she turned to a brilliant marble. The blood still was seeping out of the cracks in the marble and after a moment it turned to water. As id pooled around her feet it lifted into a catcher. The fountain stood in the center of the market place, its beauty would always be there and the cracks and gashes always would provide water, always be admired. In the end, Amara got what she wanted. Immortality of her beauty and the admiration of other people who passed the brilliant fountain. |
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