A Moment of Truth

.....They both sat in silence on a broken bench held up by stone bricks. The ground at their feet was wet with fallen rain, but the air was warm with August air. Beside them ran a weak flowing river filled with large stepping stones and surrounded by trees. It should’ve been a perfect moment. One of those moments created by Kodak and marketed like they actually existed. One of those moments filled with peace and beauty. And love.
.....Perfect moments never really exist. They couldn’t. Underlying feelings usually blanket these moments: pain, insecurity, shame or doubt. They both were sitting in silence, but their minds were racing.
.....Allison pretended to be concentrating intently on flecks on mud on her shoes, flicking them off slowly enough to stretch the time. Her heartbeat was pounding through her chest so hard it echoed in her head. She wanted desperately to look at Chris again, like she used to. She wanted to stare into his eyes again and match her memory to real life. It was her favourite thing about him. They were a deep blue, like they stole the colours of the ocean, and for Allison they used to sparkle with a gorgeous innocence. His irises were surrounded by hundreds of black eyelash hairs. She used to touch them with the edge of her fingers as he blinked.
.....When there was no more dirt to keep her mind busy she finally forced herself to start the conversation. Opening her mouth for a sharp gasp of air she spoke, “I’m proud of you.� It was all she could come up with. There were hundreds of things she really wanted to say, but there was no perfect place to start.
.....“What Leelee?� He asked, turning his face towards her. Two things happened. His eyes flash into hers with reverence. They hadn’t changed much, but they seemed a little tired; there was a small sparkle hidden under a cloak of insecurity. Leelee. She hadn’t heard that name in almost five years. It shot through her body and pierced something, somewhere inside her body.
..... “I heard you finished your apprenticeship in March. I hope your parents are proud too. They should be.� She said quickly. There was a small spasm of adrenaline in her body. Her stomach burned and she didn’t know why. She looked over at him to see him nodding. He had a stick in his hand and was intent on removing rocks being swallowed by the wet earth.
.....The silence between them wasn’t awkward or forced, but it was tense. They both could feel there was a thousand questions between them, but no where really to start them. They continued to really just sit there for another couple of minutes, pretending to be interested in the view, and on another day it could’ve been quite remarkable. Behind them were the backs of a few businesses that gave the trees around them a warm glow, and even though it was a dark overcast sky, the water in the river still shone.
.....Chris broke the silence with a very abrupt question, “do I still look the same?� he questioned her.
.....“I really only remember how you felt,� she answered before she really thought about it. She could see a little smirk on his face mixed with a little bit of shock. She didn’t realize she had opened the door of some honest communication.
.....He looked at her curiously. “How did I feel, then?� He asked, staring at her intently.
..... “Rough.�
.....“Rough?� He repeated with a question, but Allison merely smiled. She took his hand and turned it over. She examined it briefly and let it go, immediately regretting doing so.
.....“Not a bad rough. Callused from working in metal shop. I liked it because it shows you worked hard.� She smiled, and then added, “they’re still rough.� Allison felt a little tension lift from the air.

..... “What do you remember about me?� she asked. In truth, she really didn’t want to know that. She didn’t really know what she wanted at all, except that she wanted to be right there: in the moment.
..... In was just by chance they met again. She was in town to catch up with a couple girlfriends she hadn’t seen in over a year. When they arrived at the bar however, it became a reunion of most her graduating class including Chris. They hugged like old friends not really expecting to talk to each other again that night, but instead they seemed to continue to find things to talk about amongst everyone else. When closing time came they decided to take a walk together alone, and found a place close to her childhood home.
.....“Do your sisters still keep rats like they’re pets?� she asked him. He laughed.
.....“No, they are both in university now--.�
.....“Oh, right..But you still live at home?�
.....“Only until December. I stayed there when I was in college.� He replied.
.....“Right—“
.....“Maybe you can come over tomorrow? My mom would probably love to see you. She’s always talking about how I’ll never found someone since—“ Chris stopped himself, realizing the omission he let out.
..... “Do you still love me?� she asked. She felt her heart beat so fiercely that it could probably give out. She was pulling on the back on her hair to keep her held straight up, other wise she could easily collapse from shock. Allison had never forgotten Chris. Never a day when she didn’t remember how easily it was to be herself with him.
..... He didn’t answer the question, but instead asked one of his own. “Why are you here?� It was a demand, one she wasn’t sure if she could tell him.
.....“To talk. That’s all we said we’d do,� she replied anxiously.
.....“You damn well know that’s not what I meant. Why are you in town tonight?�
.....Every bit of energy Allison had dripped to the ground, and she could barely will herself to speak. “I’m getting married. I was meeting up with Lisse and Amber to ask them to be bridesmaids now that they are back from school.�
..... They both sat on a log in a very imperfect silence, as if experiencing their childhood heartbreak all over again in that empty parking lot. They were both young and wanting experience and not commitment. Both still very much in love, but more in love with mistakes of youth.
.....“I got pregnant in college, Chris. I have a daughter. She’s almost a year now,� she finished. Tears were in her eyes and instead of an angry outburst Chris moved closer to her and put arm around her chest pulling her close. Allison in a bittersweet release continued to expand through her tears, “I never stopped. Everyday I used to think about you. I was horrible. I would find out whomever you were dating, and for how long. You seemed to being enjoying being without me. Eventually I just put it behind me, and buried myself in Josh—that’s his name. I was planning on moving back home before I realized I was pregnant.
.....“He’s a good man. He takes care of me, and is a good father, but I wont love him like I loved you.�
..... This set a spark of fire in him. “Then why marry him? How can you live like that Leelee?� Allison sensed a fight within him, but instead of an argument she just broke down.
.....“I have to. For my daughter. Josh loves me, and I do care for him. I can’t just give up.� Her breathing was rapid. It was like she had been rehearsing this in her head for weeks. Months?
.....Chris’s breathing was more controlled, but he seemed to be controlling an eternal bomb within himself. “Will that be enough in five years? Twenty?� He asked, and she knew the answer even if she wasn’t ready to say it aloud.
.....In the middle of the night, when the earth was quiet and still, Allison and Chris sat in the most imperfect moment on earth, and before they were about to share the most imperfect kiss a familiar ring tune of Allison’s phone started to go off.
.....“He’s probably furious. I was to meet him an hour ago.� She said, standing up abruptly and disoriented. Chris led her back out to the main street. They looked up at each other once more. He wiped a final wet tear from a cheek and kissed her forehead.
.....“I’m going to call you tomorrow,� he told her. Allison raised her eyebrows at him.
..... “But you don’t know my phone number,� she stated. He gave a reassuring smile, before Allison turned her back on him and continued to walk down the street. She felt lighter and heavier at the same time, and from the stretching distance she thought she heard Chris whispering to her: I will wait for you.

That a lot of words :P

Yeah...


well, no... not really. I have a couple of stories to post... but I don't want to flood the forum.