Menewsha Avatar Community - Writing a Battle Scene

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Writing a Battle Scene

I've been working on a novel for quite some time now, and even though I'm almost done I'm still hung up on one scene. It's important to the overall plot, so I feel guilty not giving it all the attention it deserves. But I'm just hesitant on how I should write it.

As the thread title says, it's a battle scene. Specifically it's a prison break. It takes place in the corridor of a stone dungeon, where the hallway is relatively narrow and the ceiling is a little higher than normal. The corridor continues down one end to multiple prison cells, while the other end leads up to a staircase that brings you to the rest of the building. My main character begins by the wooden door of a cell.

My problems: The door of the prison has just been blown off by an explosion from the inside. This has thrown my main character up against the far wall, almost knocking her out. She's in a bit of a daze all throughout the scene. This explosion would have put all kinds of smoke and debris into the air, but people need to be able to see through it at least enough to fight.

As time goes on, I know that the debris would settle. The larger particles in the air would just fall to the ground little by little. But what to do about the smoke? It can't go much of anywhere, except up, and I can't just make it disappear. Anyone know of any small details I could change in order to fix this?

And does anyone have any tips for writing from the point of view of an incapacitated character? The story is in the third person, but the narration is based on what she does and knows. I only want to give the information that she can understand with a head injury, but I'm having problems making it believable.

I know I'm being picky and demanding, but can anyone offer a bit of help?

Well if it's in a corridor the smoke would rise to the roof, then travel along the corridor, till it finds windos or doors to slowly escape out of. It does take a good while, but slowly visability grows clearer and then it suddenly dawns on you that you can see, it's so gradual you don't notice. Angel has filled many rooms with smoke before ^_^ (Angel works in security and tested fire alarms by filling rooms with smoke. She is maybe not an arsonist)

As for writing it, from third person not much should change, just the vocabulary.

"With a groan she pushed herself up from the wall, gazing through the smoke at hazed silhouettes making their way towards her. It took a few moments for her to realize who they were and anothermoment for her to remember to pull out her weapon, by which time they were almost upon her."

Yeah, the smoke will rise and look for an exit from the building, so it will gradually clear up. The great thing about books is that you can believably handle a significant passage of time in just a couple pages, particularly in the utter chaos of a scene like the one you described. It's probably going to be a given that nobody is going to know precisely how much time has passed in your hectic scenario... particularly your protagonist, since she has a daze.

I'd be rather interested in seeing how this whole thing plays out on paper ^^

Thanks for the advice, guys. I'm trying to get as technical as I can with the smoke so that the scene is as realistic as possible. One of the things that has always bugged me with fantasy novels is how many authors just push aside basic physics. :x So I don't want to be that author.

The main problem I've thought over with the smoke rising is that the characters are placed within a stone-enclosed dungeon/basement. This means it can only leave via the staircase, so an airflow has to be going in their direction, and the only way it can really be created is by people moving in that direction. Which likely means that some of the prisoners would already have escaped by the time visibility clears. And don't even ask me how I'm going to deal with the torches being blown out during the explosion, and where light will be coming from...

I'm a nitpick, yeah I know.
When I finish this scene up, I'd be happy to post it for you guys!

Well actually, air is constantly moving. Like water you can never touch the same particals twice, which is why if you fill a room with smoke and stay in the room, it will still disperse through the doorframe. Although I never recomend doing this because the fake stuff stinks and the real stuff is bad for your health ;)

So the force of the explosion, plus people moving around will create movement in the air which is enough for the smoke to move and find it's own way out however slowly, ontop of the movement air has anyway.

Unless it smells stale then the air is moving.

Also, the force of the explosion, if she survived would be enough to blow out nearby candles but not those at a distance leaving a faint light to see by. Plus if it was an incendry explosion there would be fire at the source...

I don't like the way this scene has been coming out, but at least I'm getting some writing down on paper. It's a start.

An excerpt:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Knerd

Hail rained from the ceiling and fire spit out from the prison. Smoke filled the passage so thickly that Ellia thought she had gone blind. The sound of thunder ripped down the hallway and echoed violently back and forth all through the dungeons. The door was blown into countless pieces, each hurled off in separate directions, crashing into the torches and clattering against the floor. Ellia had been thrown against the far wall, crashing into the stone so forcefully that she could hear her armor crack and fracture. Her head felt as if it had been split in two, sending shoots of pain through her eyes and nose, down her spine and legs, until she was crumpled in a heap upon the floor. It took her what felt like hours to be able to breath again, and she looked up just in time to make out the images of thirty men escaping from the prison.

Tears impaired her vision, dust and smoke throwing themselves into Ellia’s face. She tried to wipe her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket, but found that her right arm could barely move. Try as she might, she could neither straighten it nor move her fingers. It must have been pinned behind her when she hit the wall. Pain flooded her body so forcefully that she couldn’t tell where it came from, only that it was unbearable. Blood began to seep through her hair, and each breath wracked her with violent and painful coughing spurts.

The prisoners poured from their cell, unable to see a clear exit through all the smoke and debris. Ellia could hear them coughing and stumbling through the hole where the door used to be. She blinked several times to clear her eyes, and watched as they used the wall to guide them away from the prison. It took Ellia some time to realize that they were slowly making their way towards the staircase at the end of the hall.

A glint of steel shone through the smoke, reflecting this way and that. It cleared the air as it swung towards the prisoners. It struck down the first man easily, then began finding its way towards all the rest. Agrim had returned at the sound of the explosion, and he alone fought against the escape. His eyes were trained to see straight through the heat and smog of battle, but even without such experience the precision of his movements cleaved the air in two, waving away the smoke. After just a few stokes, the air around him began to clear, and the prisoners closest to the warrior were no longer blinded.

He fought well, but no one man is a match for thirty. Although Agrim was armed, the prisoners were of fighting spirit. By teaming together they overpowered him. One was able to catch his sword arm before it’s next swing, two succeeded in knocking him off his feet, one pinned each of his shoulders to the ground, while another wrestled the weapon from his grip. It took barely a minute for him to fall.

Ellia quietly watched on. Her head pounded as her eyes followed the fight, and her chest ached with the pressure of her armor. Upon first seeing Agrim, she had tried to rise to her feet to aid him in battle, but she could not support herself. Now she sat slumped against the wall, legs sprawled underneath her, arms hanging limply by her sides. Seeing him pinned to the ground, she forced herself to try again. Using the stone wall, she slowly steadied herself and pushed upward.

Right now, it reads very much like, "This happened. And this happened. And this happened." When I have the time, I need to go through it and detail the commentary a bit more, while changing up the styles of my sentences. That should at least get the passage flowing better.