The Story of Steve.
 

Chapter One: Dead Steve

Steve is just a regular guy, but he just so happens to be in an irregular place...
Steve is walking home, but it started raining. He looked up at the depressing sky as the ice cold drops fell on his rosy red cheeks. He let out an unpleasant sigh, and walked on. He came to an old road that was over grown with plants. They covered the road like a blanket of green. He started at the eerie place for a long moment. A icy rain drop landed on the back of his neck, and sent a shiver down his spine.
He took a step toward the road, and heard a heart piercing scream. Steve jumped back with a shock. He grabbed his chest, and saw the ghost of his breath as his breathing got harder. The shock made his shacking body fall to the ground like a falling tree. He now standing on his hands and knees, he hung his head with his hair covering his pale white face. The rain drops falling faster from the crying sky. He lifted his head to look at the road, and saw a white haired girl. She was standing with her back facing him. He called out to the girl, and she turned around like someone slowly opening on old, rusty door. Her eyes were black like a dark room, her snow white dress was covered in blood stains that looked fresh, and in her pale white hand she gripped a butcher knife. Drops of cold, dark red blood dripped from the blade.
His heart raced, and felt as if it was going to rip out of his chest. The girl took a step toward Steve, and stopped. "What do you want from me?!" he scream. The girl was silent for a long moment, then she smiled an evil smile. Her teeth were made of steel, and her eyes glowed red. A sense of fear showed in his eyes as the girl laughed. Her laugh was death defying. It suddenly became harder for Steve to breath. He struggled to stand on his feet, but the girl decided she didn`t want him to go so she threw her blade at him. It sunk deep into his shoulder, and he fell to the ground screaming in pain. He grabbed the handle of the knife. The little girl took another step toward Steve as he tried to pull the knife from his shoulder. He let go of the handle as he noticed she moved toward him; he tried crawling backwards, but his body wouldn`t move. He just lied there...in that stunned, fearful moment as she slowly made her way to him.
She took a few more steps until she was standing in front of his head. She bent down and ruffly pulled the knife from his shoulder. He quickly grabbed his shoulder and buried his face into the wet ground. He closed his eyes tightly, and grunted his teeth; waiting for his death. The mysterious little girl just looked down at the back of his head for a moment. Then she stood up, raised the blood covered knife over her head, and shoved it into his skull. His blood splattered on to her face. She pulled it out of the back of his head, and grabbed his hair. She lifted his head from the mud, and looked at his face. Blood spudded from his mouth, and his eyes rolled to the back of his head. She smiled with satisfaction, and stood up. She turned toward the road, and dragged Steve's dead body off into the dark, cold forest...


Chapter Two: Emily

His body being dragged in the mud to a place unknown. The girl`s cold hand tightly gripping his short, brown hair tightly. The girl paused in front of an old, mossy tree. She dropped his head to the wet ground, and glared down at Steve`s dead and lifeless body for a long moment; then looking up at the tree`s trunk. She stepped up to the tree and softly placed her tiny, white hand on top of a hand engraved in the tree. Just as she placed her hand on the spot she quickly stepped back. The tree lifted from the ground and white mist crawled out from a hole that was below it. The girl turned around and picked the blood covered blade from the ground then turning toward the hole; waiting for the mist to clear.
Little devil like creatures with horns sticking out of their heads, sharp teeth in their tiny mouths, short stubby bodies, and claws coming from their hands and feet jumped out of the hole after the mist had cleared. They walked like gorillas over to the motionless body. The girl looking up at the tree that was ghostly hovering over the hole, and then turned to watch the little creatures do their work. When they had tied his hands and feet with fish string ,that sunk into his skin, they dragged him over to the side of the hole, and awaited for the girl to approve. The little girl very slowly walked over to the body, and the creatures awaiting her. She looked down at them with a blank face, and kicked the body into the dark, cold hole. She leaned over the hole to watch his body fall down the hole until she heard a thump.
Steve`s body had hit a cold, tile floor in a room that looked almost like a doctor`s office. The little girl walked into the room from a door in the wall. You could hear her bare feet hitting the floor as she walked toward Steve. She bent her knees and studied his body, "Mommy...I`m done, and I did a good job this time." the girl said as she looked at another door in the room. The door was covered in little blood splotches that had a trail running from it to the floor, and a rusty, copper door nob. A soft, sweet humming came from the other side of the door, and the girl smiled. She stood back up, "What do you want me to do with him now, mommy?" The humming suddenly stopped, and the sound of foot steps replace it. The little girl excitedly ran over to the closed door, and dropped the knife as she ran. The foot steps stopped, and the door handle slowly turned. The girl pulled on the rusty handle, and a long, black haired woman wearing blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and a blood cover apron stepped out of the door way. The woman looked over at the bloody body, and then down at the girl with a warm smile, "You did a very good job..." she said with a loving voice,"...your such a good girl, Emily."

Chapter Three: Worried

At Steve`s house, his mother is worriedly watching out the window waited for him, "Caroline, sweetheart, you need to claim down. He`ll be fine," his father said soothingly. She walked over the couch, and sat down; still looking out the window. Alan lightly places his hand on Caroline`s knee,"Don`t worry, hun, he is just late. I`m sure he`ll be home soon," he said while rubbing her leg trying to claim her. Caroline sighed and looked away from the window, "I`m just worried he got lost, or kidnapped...she now looking at the brown, hardwood floor. Alan laughed nervously, "Steve, my son, get lost or kidnapper. Now your talking crazy." Caroline folded her hands in her lap, and sadly looked over at him, "Alan..don`t be so sure. It could happen." A loud knock came from the front door. Caroline quickly, and happily jumped from the couch, and ran to the door, "Steve!"
The woman looked down at Emily and softly petted her smooth, white hair out of her face, "You want to do mommy another favor?" she asked cheerfully. Emily smiled up at her and nodded happily, "Thats my girl." Emily turned around and the woman placed her hand on her back; leading her over to the door Emily came in, "I want you to go and kill his family for mommy...I need more specimens, do you understand?" Emily just smiled and nodded, "Your such a good girl, Emily," the woman walked over to a white cabinet, and took a samurai sword from it. She puled the blade from its sheath and walked over t Emily, "You can use this one this time," she handed Emily the blade. Emily grasped the handle and placed the silver, shinny blade on the palm of her hand. She studded it for a moment, and looked back up at the women with a smile formed on her colorless lips, "This will be fun. Thank you, mommy." The little girl dropped the blade from her palm and wrapped her arms around the woman`s waist.
Caroline opened the door with tears of joy running down her face like rivers, but when she saw who it was...she frowned. "I`m sorry to bother you this late at night, but I was just wondering if I could borrow a bed sheet," they paused, "You crying. Are you alright?" Caroline whipped her eyes with her hand, "Yes, I`m fine. Let me go get that bed sheet for you," she turned around and walked down the blue carpeted hall. She paused in front of Steve`s bedroom door that was covered in football stickers, and his school`s mascot. She signed and walked on down the hall until she had reacted the closet. She opened the door and looked around the walk in closed that was full of old, dusty objects that hadn`t been touched in years. She dug around until she found a bed sheet, and walked back to the front door; closing the closet door behind her as she left. "Here you are," Caroline said as she held the sheet out. The person smiled and toke th sheet, "Thank you very much," and walked over to there house. Caroline closed the door, and sadly walked back over to the couch look at the floor as she walked. She looked beside her and noticed Alan was gone. She got back up and started searching the house. She had looked everywhere but Steve`s room. She walked up to his door, and grabbed the metal door nob. She paused for a moment, and slowly turned it. She waited a bit longer, toke a deep breath, and pushed the door open...[/b]

Short choppy sentences break up the story too much, longer sentences help the story flow. A lot of your’s are short, making it hard to get into the feeling of the story. They are good for action, but you need to build up to them.

Repetative.

The shock made his shacking body fall to the ground like a falling tree.

Her eyes were black like a dark room, her snow-white dress was covered in bloodstains that looked fresh, and in her pale white hand she gripped a butcher knife.
Either strike this sentence or make a new descripton.

Dark red is too plain, try something else like burgundy

She bent down and roughly pulled the knife from his shoulder.

Keep it passed tense.

I love how you describe the home, and have a twisted family to explain her actions.

At Steve`s house, his mother is worriedly watching out the window waited for him, "Caroline, sweetheart, you need to calm down.

Chapter three randomly switched tense. With chapters this short, its better to keep it all in the same tense.

Denote a break here.

"I`m sorry to bother you this late at night, but I was just wondering if I could borrow a bed sheet," they paused, "You’re crying. Are you alright?" Caroline whipped her eyes with her hand, "Yes, I`m fine

She sighed and walked on down the hall until she had reached the closet.

The person smiled and took the sheet, "Thank you very much," and walked over to there house.

She walked up to his door, and grabbed the metal door knob.

Your chapters are really short, and you probably don’t need to break them up into chapters, just denote breaks.

I think you need to start your sentences with something else other than 'Steve' and 'he'.

He looked up at the depressing sky as the ice cold drops fell on his rosy red cheeks. He let out an unpleasant sigh, and walked on. He came to an old road that was over grown with plants. They covered the road like a blanket of green. He started at the eerie place for a long moment. A icy rain drop landed on the back of his neck, and sent a shiver down his spine.
He took a step toward the road, and heard a heart piercing scream. Steve jumped back with a shock. He grabbed his chest, and saw the ghost of his breath as his breathing got harder.