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Hmm..it needs something..I just don't know what.
Okay so I'm trying to write a story.
It's called 'Alice Hates Her Wonderland' The story;; The girl, Alice, is a writer. And lately she has been writing about the guy named Derek. It's her most developed character she's every made. Then while shes out with her friends she sees a guy that looks exactly like Derek. Stunned she walks away and thinks nothing of it. Later that week he comes to her school. They get close and fall in love. But then he doesn't show up to school for a week. A week turns into 2 weeks and that runs into a month. She gets scared after the month of not hearing from him. That she talks to her friend about him. Her friend says that she doesn't know who she is talking about. Alice goes crazy. Finally, she goes crazy and kills herself. I know the story is a little..uhh..weird. But I think it's missing something and I can't put my finger on it. Can you help? What needs to change? Is the ending to sudden? Please and thank you~ <3 |
It's a very good story and base, and I comprehend it's just a prototype, but it needs depth.
Like, why is she a writer, and then you need quite a bit about how she falls in love with him. You need a lot of romantic "them" time, and then you need to figure out what happened to the poor guy. You also need more characters, maybe even more tragedies. Like, while Derek is missing, her father/mother dies. Ect. But altogether I absolutely adore the story~ |
I was thinking, for Derek, that he actually was a ghost or something that had been haunting her. Maybe she could write his life that he lived and that would make him appear for awhile? But I don't know. Possibly he could really be all in her imagination?
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I like the ideas. I don't know about her killing herself thou. Maybe going crazy and ending up in an institution always thinking of Derek? Also the idea of Derek being all a part of her imagination is good, ghosts are a little overdone in stories anymore. Another "tragedy" in her life while Derek is "missing" is also a good idea. And maybe he disappeared because she finished the story, or quit writing it? All in all great idea. Please let me know if you write it, I would love to read it.
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It might be worth while for you to read up on some mental disorders like dementia and schizophrenia. Many people with those illnesses suffer from hallucinations and delusions. Learning all you can about the actual disorders will make it a thousand times easier to write about your characters and their experiences - While you can still tweak all the details to fit the story, it'll provide you with a very solid basis. And it will give your audience a more personal experience while reading the story.
There are many different types of hallucinations: Hypnagogic, Peduncular, Focal epilepsy, etc. Once you decide which fits Alice the best, you can discover exactly what times of the day she'll be meeting Derek, what kind of emotions she'll be having at that time, how she'll feel afterward, and if it's effecting any other area of her life. It's also possible to read the memoirs or case studies of people who have suffered from these, so you can always find out exactly what their experiences were, or if any attempted suicide afterward. |
... I think you should change the ending. It sounds like it would be a good story, but I think it needs a more happily-ever-after ending, or at least not so dark. I hate stories that end with everyone dying. T_T
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