Really Long Story [beginning] Feedback?
 

The digital clock next to her bed read 12:14, its dull red numbers cutting through the darkness. Ellie’s fingers traced the barely visible corners of the book propped up on her pillow, her dark, near-black eyes scanning through the lines rapidly, drinking in their every word. Her thin mouth was curled in a small smile as images of knights with flashing swords and clanging metal shields and armor gallivanted through her mind. She paused for a moment to push her unruly brown hair behind her ear. The flashlight she held in her hand grew dimmer still, its batteries weakening and its bulb hot from overuse. Still, Ellie read on. She was never so focused as when she was reading. The worlds that existed only between the covers of a book were her escape from the mundane.
Ellie had spent her entire life reading. Her sister, Haley, had taught her to read when she was unusually young: 3 years old. It was Haley who took care of her now. Ellie couldn’t remember her parents, nor did she know what happened to them, though she had assumed they were dead. Haley never told her because she had never asked.
They lived in a small, simple house that was none too appealing from the outside. Its worn paint was once white, but now was a dull bone color. The door was painted bright blue, but its old paint was wearing off, leaving strips of wood visible. Inside, there were only 4 rooms: Haley’s room, Ellie’s room, a bathroom, and a kitchen; it was all the girls needed. Their cottage was filled to the brim with books. They lay on every surface: shelves, counters, tables, on top of the radio. Towers of stacked books were in every corner, some reaching up to the ceiling. Books filled their closets, their cabinets, and their attic. They were everywhere.
They had books about adventure; books about romance; books about the past, present, and future; books with heroes and villains, with princesses and princes, with magical creatures from far away lands. They had books about the truth, books about famous people, books about tragedies and catastrophes. They had fiction books, non-fiction books, picture books, dictionaries, thesauruses, and encyclopedias. There wasn’t anything that Haley and Ellie would not read.
Ellie heard a footstep in the hall: a heavy-booted, unfamiliar footstep, which caused their old wooden floorboards to creak in protest. She held her breath, turned off her flashlight, and shoved her book underneath her pillow, barely laying her head down on top of it as her door creaked open. She tried her hardest to look asleep as a yellow, flickering light fell on her face and the scent of rotting meat filled the air. The girl tried hard not to gag as she dug her teeth into her lip, daring to open one eye enough to see whom the unwelcome stranger in her house was without giving herself away. What she saw made her bite her lip hard enough to draw blood.

A man stood in the doorway. At least, something that looked masculine. The thing was tall and thick, taking up most of the door frame. He has gray-green skin with a number of rancid looking cuts covering him, which oozed sickly with pus. His fat head sat on almost no neck, and the thing was clothed completely in black. He held a torch in one hand. Ellie quickly closed her eye again, willing herself not to scream. She said to herself first, what is that thing, and why is it here? But then, as it shifted in the doorway, peering in at her, another thought barged into her head. Calm down. What would Huck Finn do? She thought back to her favorite character, the brave Huckleberry. Stay still, she decided. Let them think you’re asleep, like Huck made everyone think he was dead.
“Not her. Leetle wan. Sester.” The beast said thickly over one shoulder. He struggled with the words and had a strange accent that Ellie couldn’t place. Then he turned, and over the opposite shoulder made a strange series of grunts and whines that Ellie guessed to be his native language: “K’rr gesd udtop. K’rr gesd quor.”
The little girl shook silently in her bed, terrified. She was no Huck Finn. Who were these people? And why were they looking for Haley? She struggled in her mind, unable to decide what to do. She could stay still and hope the creatures just went away, or she could get up and scream or warn her sister somehow. But what would those beasts do to her? And Even if she did manage to warn her, what would Haley be able to do?
Before Ellie could make a decision, the creature backed out of her doorway and headed down the hall towards her sister’s room. Elli watched as shadows flickered across her wall; there were at least 10 beings filing past, both man and beast, some who were carrying torches. Nearly all of them were armed with long swords.
As the last of them passed by, Ellie crept out of bed, the hems of her sweatpants dragging across the floor. She tiptoed across the room, peering down the hallway to see the biggest beast, which had been in her room, opening her sister’s door. Ellie gasped, and she heard Haley’s voice. “You!” she screeched. Then she said something else in another language: it sounded foreign, yet familiar, like a long-forgotten song. Then a blast of light flared from Haley’s room. Ellie’s eyes widened as two of the men in front and one of the beasts disappeared, though not their leader. A long sword fell with a clatter to the ground- one of the men must have been holding it. The lead beast shouted in his language, “Plahka gesd!” and several of the animals rushed into Haley’s room. Crashes and thuds echoed through the house. She was obviously putting up a fight.

Shudders passed through Ellie as they dragged Haley out of her room, bound and gagged. The men and beasts marched out of their house with Haley in tow. The paid no attention this time to Ellie’s door as the passed, even though she was now standing in the frame in plain sight. As Haley was dragged by, she made eye contact with Ellie, but her eyes held an emotion that scared her more than anything else: defeat. Then she was gone, and the men were gone, and the smell of foul meat was gone, and Ellie fell to the floor crying until she fell asleep.
A Light burst through the blinds over her window, shining its beams onto Ellie’s face. She moaned in her stat of half-sleep, trying to rid herself of the last dregs of the nightmare of she’d had. Her back and neck were sore, yet she couldn’t be sure. She thought briefly of falling asleep next to the door. No, she thought, that was just in the dream! Then she opened her eyes slowly, grudgingly, to peer around the room. Everything looked strange for a moment until she figured out where she was.
Ellie jumped up from her place next to the door frame though her muscles screamed in protest. She flew out of her room, dashing with clumsy steps down the hall to Haley’s room, but she knew even from outside that last night hadn’t been a dream. There were scorch marks around the door and a silvery sword on the ground outside the room, both presumably the result of the blast of light conjured there. Ellie felt like crying, but the tears wouldn’t come. She walked numbly into her sister’s room. Everything looked the same: there were piles of books everywhere that there weren’t piles of clothes. Nothing was out of place.
Except, oddly, something white was sticking out from underneath Haley’s bedside table. Ellie went to it quickly, eyebrows raised in surprised, and pulled at the object. A white envelope slid out from underneath the table’s corner. She nimble opened the envelope and unfolded its letter. It was addressed to her. Over the course of its pages was her sister’s flowing handwriting, slanted slightly, racing busily across the page.

Ellie did not move for a very long time after she finished reading her sister’s letter. She stayed on her knees, leg muscles burning, tears dripping steadily onto the paper. Finally, after several long minutes, she rose from her crouch. Her eyes searched the room, coming to rest on the clock. There was half an hour before school started, but Ellie knew she wouldn’t be going. In fact, she could hardly imagine ever going back to her classroom ever again.
She silently climbed into Haley’s unmade bed and pressed her face into the pillow. It smelled like her sister: Lavender and patchouli. She sobbed into the pillow until her throat was sore and scratchy and her eyes were red and swollen. She cried until she had no more tears left. Then she fell into a fitful slumber.
When she woke again, it was past midday. The sun burned their little house, but Ellie felt cold and numb. She curled Haley’s blankets around her and stared at the doorway. It was completely blackened. She wondered if that was the power her sister spoke of. Though her eyes stayed glued to the burned door frame, her mind wandered. Where was Haley? What had those terrible creatures done to her? The happy life that the two sisters had built was crashing around her. Suddenly, a most unwelcome thought entered Ellie’s head: What if Haley never came back? What if, wherever she was, she was trapped in there? What if those monsters killed her? Tears came to her eyes again and she cried once more. She didn’t want to think about this anymore. She wanted it all to go away, and she wanted her sister back. Frustrated, she pulled the blankets over her head and fell asleep once more.
When she awoke for a third time, night had fallen. It was late, and Ellie’s stomach grumbled angrily. This isn’t fair, Ellie thought to herself. What sort of nine year old gets wrapped up in this fairy tale nonsense? She sighed shakily, trying to focus her thoughts. One thing was clear to her now. Haley was not here to take care of her. She had to do that much herself. She slid out of her sister’s bed, snatching the letter off the floor, her cold, bare feet dragging across the floorboards as she headed toward the kitchen. She felt a slight anticipation rise in her chest before she pushed past the swinging door that guarded the room, hoping faintly that her sister would be cooking dinner or baking a cake, just like any other night, but the kitchen was empty. Ellie’s chin dropped to her chest in disappointment as she fought back even more tears.

“No more crying,” she said aloud, trying to reassure herself. She glanced down at the letter, which she had clenched in her pudgy fist. Below her sister’s scribbled signature was Rusty’s phone number. Ellie read it once, but her eyes were drawn back to Haley’s name, followed by a star. Haley’s Comet, she always called it. Ellie smiled uncertainly, reassured for the moment. She came to a decision in her mind suddenly. She needed to save Haley.
With an energy that seemed to belong to someone else, Ellie crossed the small kitchen to the phone beside the refrigerator, frantically pounding her fingers into the buttons, dialing the number Haley listed. It rang once, twice… Ellie wrapped her fingers around the cord anxiously.

“Hullo?” said a groggy voice suddenly.
“Are you Rusty?” Ellie asked uncertainly.
“Ellie, is that you?” said the man quickly, suddenly sounding much more alert. “Are you okay? Has Haley been…?” He let the question hang uncertainly.
“Yes, yes, and yes. They’ve taken her away. I don’t…”
“Don’t leave the house!” he said sharply, cutting her off. “I’m coming to pick you up. Pack a bag, bring light clothes, we’ll be traveling and you’ll have to carry it. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
In her room, Ellie stared at her half-empty backpack. She had already packed 2 changes of clothes and dressed herself, but she had no clue what else to bring. She took her sister’s silver dagger, a book of matches, and a compass, unsure of what her surroundings would be like. But she wanted desperately to bring her books with her. She knew sh couldn’t carry enough to satisfy her, however, so in the end, she brought along a soft cover edition of the whole Chronicles of Narnia as well as The Hobbit. Then, racing back to her sister’s room, she grabbed Haley’s purple sweater from the floor where it had been last dropped. It’s thick, worn, soft wool still smelled like Haley. Ellie dug her face into its welcoming folds, breathing in deeply, withholding tears once more. She slipped the sweater over her head and walked quickly to her room once more. Deftly, she drew the drawstring around the neck of her bag closed tight and closed it. She loved that bag: it had been her grandfather’s brown leather army jacket, but once it was too worn, her mother cut it into pieces and sewed it back together as a bag for Haley when she was in high school. Haley passed it on to her after she graduated.
There was a loud knock at the front door that made Ellie jump. “Ellie, are you there?” asked a scared yet firm sounding male voice. She hoisted the bag onto her shoulders and headed into the hallway. A man stood in the open front door. He was tall, much taller even than Haley, and looked to be only a little older than her (Haley had turned 23 a month past). The man had a gaunt, pale face with nervous, darting green eyes, thin lips, and messy, curly brown hair framing his face. He wore a brown leather jacket, much like what her bag had been made of.

“You!” He said. His voice was sharp and annoyed. “Are you mad, leaving the door open like that? They could have come back! They probably will come back, but not for a day or so. When did they leave?”
Ellie stared at him in surprise for a moment before answering. “Last night. They came just past midnight.”
It was his turn to stare with surprise. “You were here a whole day? And they haven’t come for you yet?” he asked incredulously. “Oh no. Come. We have to go, we must leave, now!” he reached forward, grabbing her arm, pulling her urgently towards the door, though her grip was gentle. She followed him like a lamb out their front door. A beaten old sedan was still running in front of the house. Ellie stumbled clumsily down the three steps that let to her house, caught her balance, and reached for the handle of the car door. She looked back at the house uncertainly, with a strange feeling in her gut. She had the feeling that she may never see her house again.
“Hurry, get in!” Rusty said from inside the car, and Ellie closed her eyes, climbed into the passenger seat and slammed the door. Then they were off into the night.