Menewsha Avatar Community - Please read what I got done so far and citique.

Okay....A couple of days ago I started writting this and now I have writters block and I'm wondering if anyone here can read my story give me some more ideas and if they can critique the story so far...I also want some oppinions on the plot and please dont hold back, and if you can tell me what I should do to make it better.

Prolog

In a world full of magic still stuck in the ages of the sword and bow, where in the continent of Inditotus lay the countries known as Zerberia, Hanu, and Inona…. One hundred years ago the countries Zerberia and Inona were at war with one another, and after ninety years of war a prince from the country of Hanu used brutal methods to gain power… These methods were all apart of his grand master plan to take over Inditotus, first this young man used his access to the war council to gain the allegiance of the twelve generals of the countries army who where also known as the Grand Judges. Then with their power over the countries military the prince took over the country killing all who rebelled against the hostile take over, including his own brother, and then when he had full economic, political, and military power he killed his own father and crowned him self king and calling himself The Black King. With The Black King in control of Hanu the county entered the war between Zerberia and Inona first making an attack on Zerberia’s capital city and after the three day long battle Hanu’s army emerged victorious and quickly took over the rest of the country and as Inona pulled their troops out they thought the war was over…But they where wrong a mere week after the take over of Zerberia, the military powers of both Zerberia and Hanu combined and crushed the country of Inona in a mere year…. After this ten year take over The Black King had succeeded in taking over the continent…. Now in his mid twenties the King renamed his realm the Black Empire…….

Chapter 1

It is two years after the end of the war and a rebellious young man named Marcus Howell is standing amidst a crowd watching the performer in the center. Marcus is nineteen years old; he is tall, muscular and handsome, with jet black hair messily falling inches from covering his light blue eyes. Though living in a poor part of town Marcus was once a noble in this city of Ama the capital in the country Inona until his country was taken over. Now in a silk shirt and pants with leather boots with steel toes and pieces of armor covering his body with a blue cape concealing his money purse, his bag of smoke bombs and an elegant sheathed dagger. A wide grin across his face as he stares at a very old street magician wearing a black traveling cloak doing tricks for the crowd, a tin can sitting on its lid feet away from him on the cobble stone road where the onlookers where placing tips for his performance. And mere feet from the can lay a bag that the traveling magician used to hold his things and laying against the bag was a walking stick. The voice of the magician booms over the laughter and requests of the crowd. “For my next spell I require the assistance of two of the audience members. So are there any volunteers? Those whom I pick please step forward.”
After these words most of the crowd enthusiastically raises their hands in excitement including Marcus. The Magician picks a woman in the front row of the crowd and then he point’s right at Marcus who steps forward. As he reaches the center of the circular crowd he shakes hands with the magician then the magician hands him and the other volunteer two large rings big enough to stand in. “Now I need both of my volunteers to place one of their rings on either side of me and the other about ten feet away.” said the magician. “I want you to stand in the ring further away from me and stand perfectly still.” Marcus and the other volunteer does as their told and wait then the magician raises his arms with his palms facing the each of the volunteers and as he mutters an incantation under his breath the hoops start on fire. “Now both of you remain calm and perfectly still, you will not be harmed.” Now he closes his hands and mutters another incantation moving his hands as he does now each fist pointing to the hoop opposite of each volunteer. Marcus suddenly feels as if he was being squished and compacted together as a loud strange humming sound fills his ears after a loud crack and all he could see is blackness then he just appears in the other hoop with a with another loud crack he then gaps in amazement.
“How….how did you do that?” Marcus asks in bewilderment himself being truly amazed.
“That my dear boy is a secret.” the old spell caster replies.
“Could you teach me how to wield magic…”asks Marcus hoping that the old man would oblige.
“No I am sorry, but I will only teach those who I know I could trust not to abuse that power, and to be honest most young men and women abuse more than they themselves would believe.” the old man replies. “Now I thank you all for coming to see my show!” he yells to the crowd. He raises each hand his fingers pointing at the sky and red sparks shower from them and make loud popping noises as the explode in mid air.
“Hey what’s going on here? This street was not authorized to have a street performer today! I herby order all of the audience to leave now and the two men in the middle to stay where you are.” these words were shouted upon the crowd from an inclined bit of the road and the voice belonged to a man in black armor and a black helmet that usually hid the face but the face guard was lifted up, this man was one of the city guard. The crowd quickly disperses as the soldier walks down to the old man and Marcus who remained where they are, then as the man approaches a smirk crosses his face as he sees Marcus and recognizes him. “Well, well, well if it isn’t the thief who stole my purse the other day…. And look what else I’ve caught an unregistered street performer.” the mans voice is full of excitement. Then he walks forward. “Your fine is fifty gold coins old man now cough it up.” the guard says this with force… The old man tries to give the guard all the money in his purse but its not enough. “Don’t have enough money eh? Well then I guess I’ll beat the fine out of you.” as he says this he pushes the old man on the ground.
Then Marcus jumps between the guard and the old man and spits in the mans face. “Get out of my city you scumbag” as Marcus says this anger rises in his voice and then the soldier punches Marcus in the gut… Then Marcus launches himself at the guard both of them hitting the ground Marcus is on top of the guard his hands around the mans neck choking him then the mans face turns blue and Marcus just keeps squeezing tighter and tighter until he feel the pulse suddenly stop, then as he lets go breathing heavily he says to the old man who was rooted to the spot in terror. “We’d better get out of here before another guard comes sees the body.” As he says this he looks up to see many pedestrians backing away from him like he had a deadly contagious disease. Moments pass and then he hears the clanking noise of someone running in armor.
As the other guard reaches the road he stops as he sees the dead soldier on the ground. “Murderers, capture them!” he points at Marcus and the old man as he screams this four more soldiers come out and run towards both Marcus and the magician . Marcus quickly grabs the dead soldier’s sword but as he starts forward the old man says a word in another language and the first two soldiers crumple to the ground life less. And then Marcus catches up with the third and swings the sword at the mans stomach but the blow is parried and as he parries the counter blow the fourth soldier crumpled under the magicians spell and the one who rose the alarm suffered the same fate. Then Marcus’s opponent looks away for a fraction of a second leaving himself vulnerable and Marcus stabs him in the chest and then turns and runs towards the magician. When he reaches the old man Marcus sees that he is now standing and is out of breath…
“Sir we need to get out of here.” said Marcus the old man nods and says another word in the foreign language and Marcus can only see darkness and hears that odd humming sound the loud crack and he feels like he’s being squished, then he hears another crack and him and the mage appear in a back ally on the other side of the city. Marcus sighs and then turns to the old man. “Thanks for your help back there….And you should take cover for a while the guards are going to be looking for us”
“I should be thanking you for saving me, and may I ask your name?” the magician reply’s.
“The names Marcus….Yours? Do you have anywhere you can go to hide out for the time being?”
“It’s Amos….”The magician replies. “ and no I don’t have anywhere to go at the moment…”
“Come with me then Amos……” then Marcus walks away leaving Amos to follow him, then about twenty yards from where the appeared he turns left down another back road and keeps heading straight. And then he turns right to another back road and then he reaches a building with a back door, it is here that Marcus stops and opens the door and gestures for Amos to enter.
The old man obliges and Marcus follows shutting and locking the door behind him. As he looks around he sees that he is a small room for such a big building and he can hear voices coming from the front of the building, in the front are two doors one in the left corner the other in the right corner. “Marcus where are we?” Amos asks curiously.
“In the back of one of my acquaintances tavern…. They allow me hide out here if I’m in trouble with the guard like I am now.” Marcus replies. Then he heads towards the door on the left. “Come here go through this door and up the hallway until you reach the stairwell, go to the second floor to the second door on the right and wait for me in that room.” Amos does as he is told and allows Marcus to open the door for him. Amos enters a long hallway lined with pictures on the walls. He walks down the hall until he reaches an elegant stairwell painted black with gold lines running down the stairs. He walks up the stairs to the second floor landing and then down the hall until he reaches the second door to the right and enter a room painted gold with a four poster bed and a stained wood dresser and a large walk in closet.
Meanwhile Marcus has gone through the opposite door that Amos did in the small room and enters the store room of the tavern and