Menewsha Avatar Community - christmas scare

Nice teaser, I hope you plan to continue it.

However, you must must must capitalize your words properly. I know it doesn't seem like a big thing, but capitalization makes all the difference. You also have a few issues with punctuation. For example, in your opening line you've written this:

Quote:

the cold air felt sharp on my skin. as my husband lay, covered in blood gasping for air.

You have two sentence fragments there, which are grammatically incorrect. A more correct version would read something like this:

Quote:

The cold air felt sharp on my skin as my husband lay covered in blood, gasping for air.

Also, watch the ellipses. While using many in a row (like this: ....) is also technically not good grammar, you can get away with them in dialog (when someone's talking.) However, they should be used sparingly as when they are used, they signify a pause. You've used them correctly and to good effect in your second to last sentence. Not so in the last line, as a pause there really doesn't add anything. A good rule of thumb I've found here is to read what you've written out loud, to hear how it sounds.