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P o i P o i i i
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#1
Old 03-31-2007, 07:21 AM

.~+ This story is based on the MMORPG Ragnarok Online. +~.

.~+ It’s been 8 years since that day. The day I lost my home, my family, my friends and my memory. Everything vanished and everything lost. The day they called the destruction of Juno.

All what is left is my broken white gold locket resting in my neck. For everybody it wouldn’t cost anything. The locket is my one and only clue in finding out what I am and who I am. Back when I was struggling to live, the thief guild became my home. He took care of me. He gave me clothes. He gave me shelter and he gave me a name.
Ryan. Yes, Ryan is my name. It’s the name I’ve been known for. Likewise, I became a thief and after awhile an assassin. I’m the great assassin of all time. I killed many politicians and royal blood. My name was immortalized. My speed is invincible. My skill is unconquerable. My power is unreachable. Thus, I am untouchable.

My life turned when a silly foolish girl came up to me. Her name is Asami Himasaki. She’s a carefree and easygoing type of a girl. I often call her twit because that’s what she is. But I was wrong. She has the most understanding heart I ever met. She was the only one who understood me. She helped me realize that there are treasures in each of our lives. She gave me the purpose to live. And for that, I thank her deeply.

When we were at the dessert we faced an undefeatable enemy. It is Doppelganger. All struggled to live except me. Asami knocked me off my senses and made me realize how important life is.

Ryan: Look you twit, it’s useless now… We are now at the peak of our lives. Why should we struggle if we’ll lose in the end?

As the Doppelganger came closer, Asami slapped me…

Asami: You’re spoiled. You’re acting like you know death. I’ve been facing death for many times, and yet I managed to survive. You, don’t even face “it” then how can you still live with that attitude? You wanted to die, huh Ryan? Tell me why.
Ryan: *speechless*
Asami: Do you think atoning your sins by dying would help? Why do you think the thief guild adopted you and treated you as one their own? Why do you think Seth and I accepted you? Why do you think I slapped you? Because, We care for you and we can’t afford to lose a life. Your life…
Ryan: *dumbfounded*
Asami: I may be this weak but I will protect Seth and you until my very life gone out from existence. *Throws stones at the Doppelganger*

Suddenly arrows gouge the Doppelganger and rendered the monster immobile. There I saw Seth, still alive after receiving the blows of the monster a while ago.

Seth: Nice speech Asami.
Asami: Seth you’re alive!!!
Seth: All I thought you knew I was alive. Hey Ryan, You better stand and help me kick his monstrous butt.
Ryan: (Thank you Asami) With pleasure.

Finally, the fight ended. We sure beat the hell out of the Doppelganger. All of us got exhausted and injured. But there is Asami at our side that made us strong. She made me strong physically and mentally. From that experience, I never again called her twit but called her by name, Asami. +~.


.~+ rate meh poorly done story? ;__; +~.

Asham
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#2
Old 03-31-2007, 07:55 AM

Eee, it's cute~ I just have an issue with the dialog written as if it were a script... ^^; Having Ryan's actions in asterisks wasn't something I liked, either. The impact of his silence was lost from that, I think, since you didn't really need to explain that Ryan was speechless or dumbfounded, not to mention the fact that Ryan was narrating in the first place...

Honestly, I didn't see much character or personality in Ryan. I didn't know what kind of person he was, except that he was ignorant and didn't care much about lives. I didn't feel for the character. Also, I found it rather amusing that this person Seth just randomly appeared in the story! I think a mention to the relationship between Seth and Ryan needed to take place, like at the beginning of the story when Ryan was talking about Asami.

Also, I was really confused when Ryan first spoke in the story.

Quote:
Ryan: Look you twit, it’s useless now… We are now at the peak of our lives. Why should we struggle if we’ll lose in the end?
Was he asking to run away from the Doppleganger and escape, or what? If "We are now at the peak of our lives" was omitted, I would have presumed that he was asking for death, but he obviously wasn't since he just said he could take them on (???). Why did Asami ask Ryan if he wanted to die? ^^; Erm, I'm really confused...

Umm~ What else... A few of the words in the dialog are a little jaded. I think that's all, though~ Oh, and the red hurts my eyes. x'''''D Keep writing, though! <333[/quote]

P o i P o i i i
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#3
Old 03-31-2007, 08:00 AM

.~+ yesh... pardon meh font color and my poor usage in english :'D +~.

.~+ I wrote this story 3 yeas ago :'D when RO was still on it's peak. I just saw the Word file in my comp and tried to post it here... then let people R&R :3 +~.

 


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