I have a few poems I would love some feedback on. If you have the time, please give me some tips.

I guess I'll start with a couple poems I made in a class. These are "jump start" poems.

A looming sentanal,
A protective guard,
A comforting refuge.
A forest is a parent.

As slippery as a fish,
As cunning as a woman,
As elusive as a dream,
The right word is a mermaid.

Ummm, the second one is good, but the first one makes absolutely no sense to me. Do you mind explaining that maybe? That would be great. I like the rhyming in the poems, very desriptive, and I like the imagery.

I like the metaphors of the first, but the second shouldn't be a simile, those are its component parts. But that's just my opinion.

Originally Posted by inkhart_9

Ummm, the second one is good, but the first one makes absolutely no sense to me. Do you mind explaining that maybe? That would be great. I like the rhyming in the poems, very desriptive, and I like the imagery.

First let me ask you how you feel when you are in a forest. When I think of a forest I think of how it feels safe. It makes me think of the awing atmosphere of a sacred place. Large trees that have lived for many years. Watching as the fleeting life of the rest of the world comes and fades. I guess I just romanticize forests because I love them.

Originally Posted by fairywaif

I like the metaphors of the first, but the second shouldn't be a simile, those are its component parts. But that's just my opinion.

Thank you for the feedback. I wonder how the poem would flow without the similes that make up the metaphor in the second poem? I'll have to fiddle around with it. Still, thank you. I rarely get any feedback from the people I usually show things to.

Inuyasha-samaskoi122, please do not post after yourself in such a short time span. If you have something else you wish to say, please edit your previous post. If you wish to post again, and no one else has posted and it has been OVER 24 hours, then you may double post.