Hi, this is a poem I made a while ago... Please tell me what's bad about/stuff that I can change, cuz I need it xD

The garden has the strangest tint,
A greeny-bluey midnight mint.
The moon is big and white and round,
The moonbeams flash upon the ground.
The world is silent as of death,
A wind ruffles with a calming breath.
No light intrudes the midnight darkness,
Only that of the moonlight on my wings.

My sisters stay in dreamless slumber,
A cat they fear is soon to lumber.
I flutter from my throne on high,
To whisper to the moonbeams nigh.
Whisper, whisper, to the moonbeams,
Whisper to the sleepless dreams.
The sky is lightening by degrees,
But still I see the moonlight on my wings.

The moon is setting in the west,
My sisters soon will come from Nest.
The great grand sun is in the east,
It makes the moon look as the least.
But still I see the everlasting moonlight,
The moonlight, the moonlight.
The moonlight on my wings.

Yeah, it ain't very good, but someone please tell me stuff I could do? It'd be much appreciated. ^-^:sarcasm:

how about changing the moonbeam to moonlight
and instead of a greeny-bluey make it a greenish-blue or a blueish-green
also in the third line put white first then big
and how about changing the midnight darkness into the midnight strings
it will rhyme as well as give a rhyme besides these ur poem is wonderfull

by the way whats with the nigh
make it to moonlight's sigh
the 5th line of second stanza dont repeat the whisper instead add an end like
''whisper to the moonlight's beams''
nice poemand waitin for ur reply

I like it. I particularly like the triple repetition, in my view, it added a nice touch :heart:
It took me a while to understand the narrator was a bird, though, 'cause I'm just thick like that xD Thats about it, I really love the poem.

or u could also make "moonlight's streams "in line 5 2nd stanza

here is the whole poem with a change:

The garden has the strangest tint,
A bluish-green midnight mint.
The moon is white and big and round,
The moonlight flashes upon the ground.
The world is silent as in death,
The wind ruffles with a calming breath.
No light intrudes the midnight's strings,
Only that of the moonlight on my wings.

My sisters stay in dreamless slumber,
A cat they fear is soon to lumber.
I flutter from my throne on high,
To whisper to the moonlight's sigh.
Whisper, to the moonlight's streams,
Whisper to the sleepless dreams.
The sky it lightens by degrees,
But still I see the moonlight on my wings.

The moon is setting in the west,
My sisters soon will come from the Nest.
The great grand sun is in the east,
It makes the moon wane to it's least.
But still I see the everlasting moonlight,
The moonlight, the moonlight.
The moonlight on my wings.

well there u go

opalistic, I've moved your thread into our Poetry subforum. Hopefully you'll get a few more responses here. :yes:

LOL Opalia!
Wrong forum silly XD

Anyways this is a new one, you never told us bout it 0.0
Plus since when is Jenni a bird LOL!

... How's Jenni a bird?

The garden has the strangest tint,
A bluish-green midnight mint.
The moon is white and big and round,
The moonlight flashes upon the ground.
The world is silent as in death,
The wind ruffles with a calming breath.
No light intrudes the midnight's strings,
Only that of the moonlight on my wings.

My sisters stay in dreamless slumber,
A cat they fear is soon to lumber.
I flutter from my throne on high,
To whisper to the moonlight's sigh.
Whisper, to the moonlight's streams,
Whisper to the sleepless dreams.
The sky it lightens by degrees,
But still I see the moonlight on my wings.

The moon is setting in the west,
My sisters soon will come from the Nest.
The great grand sun is in the east,
It makes the moon wane to it's least.
But still I see the everlasting moonlight,
The moonlight, the moonlight.
The moonlight on my wings.

Thanks for the critiques! xD (can't spell >.>)

opalistic, I've moved your thread into our Poetry subforum. Hopefully you'll get a few more responses here.

Ahh, sorry about that, I didn't know ^-^'

And thanks, kemii ^-^

(sorry about the delayed reply, everyone :S)