
09-05-2009, 06:23 PM
Well, for starters, other than the colon there is no punctuation. As far as content goes there are a lot of powerful words you used, and some of them you overused a little bit but still powerful. You miss words here and there and there are a lot of incomplete thoughts. Things like periods and commas would be nice. Also the "i"'s are supposed to be capitalized. It just comes across as a little weird because you have only 1 punctuation mark and only the title is capitalized. If you're not going to any punctuation or capitalizing then you need to be consistent.
You also may want to reconsider putting this under poetry...
|