Thread Tools

Violet Reverie
(-.-)zzZ
238.00
Violet Reverie is offline
 
#1
Old 09-05-2009, 06:47 PM

One day they were there

Laughing, living, loving

Without warning

the birds of death

descend upon them.

Uncaring, cold, taking

Then they were no longer there

Laughing, living, or loving.

A black restlessness descends

Leaving, staying, despair

A rock crumbled to sand.

A house torn down.

Leaving, staying, despair.

Inability to cry, ability only to lie.

Laughing, living, loving

What is real, the lie or the lie?

What to let everyone see?

Laughing, living, loving;leaving, staying, despair.

What face to wear?



** This poem was written after I lost both of my parents, my mom died suddenly on Feb 15 of '09 and my dad passed away ten days later after having been diagnosed with lung cancer the previous thanksgiving **

Hayzel
[MiniMee]
2501.90
Send a message via AIM to Hayzel Send a message via MSN to Hayzel
Hayzel is offline
 
#2
Old 09-05-2009, 07:20 PM

It's slightly cliche with those few repeated phrases over and over again, but otherwise it's a good poem. Just be careful to not overuse a word or phrase in a poem. It happens easily.

 


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 

 
Forum Jump

no new posts