
10-01-2009, 10:07 AM
Let me start by saying that if you don't know what you are saying in the poem, we're screwed XD As the poet, it is your job to convey meaning. Putting down a few random and obscure thoughts that occurred to you one day feels like it's cheating. It feels like you have this idea that poetry must be obscure to be poetry? I could be totally wrong. But ultimately, if you don't know what you're telling us, it feels like a lost poem with no meaning.
From the beginning, you sort of contradict yourself, talking about gravity bringing the drop down, but then you turn and time doesn't exist, which to me means that the drop has stopped moving. You can't move without time right? But then time IS moving again and then in the next line magic is suspending it as if it's stopped again. Confusing! Are we moving or not? You don't even say what the drop is on. A leave? Is it one of those long water channeling type leaves? Or maybe it's cup shaped so the water will stay there till it evaporates? Telling us about the leaf and deciding if the water is moving or not would help.
Moving away from the time issue, in the second part, I was almost sure you'd go for a comparison of the complex human with a mind to the simple water with none. After all, what thinking human would want to turn into a mindless one of many? But you didn't. But as you said, you're not sure what you're going for, so it's hard to go anywhere.
I think you have potential, you just have to decide what you're trying to say first. I know people like to think all poetry is totally open to interpretation, but it is up to the poet to tell us something. You can certainly leave parts to interpretation, but the whole thing?
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