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- - I am a Woman (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=132440)

ASingingGaijin

10-03-2009 10:45 PM

I am a Woman

EDIT: Lately, I have had urges to write poetry but have never gotten anything done on paper. When I'm on the computer, however, I can think better and words come easier. I don't know why this happens but it works for me. ;) Hopefully I will post a lot and I hope you all will like what I write. I have become somewhat more confident with my writing but I don't want to be arrogant or anything. I talk to myself when I type. xD Laugh. Anyway, this is my poem thread and I hope we can be friends. ;)

I wrote this poem for my language arts class, which was, sadly, written last minute. Even though I didn't put as much thought into it as I should have but I got full credit for it, surprisingly, and got good feedback from my teacher. I thought maybe I should post it here and get some more feedback from people here. ;) It was actually based off a poem called I am American that my teacher had found in a newspaper so many years ago. But anyway, here it is and I hope you like it! ^^

Title: "I am a Woman"

I promised God I would not eat that fruit,
But Satan deceived me faitfully.

And so, I have died in child birth,
But I have given life to many through the pains of my labor.

I have been looked down upon in this world of men,
And yet, they would not survive without me.

I was born in a world of unrest,
And yet, I desire peace.

I stand against war and slaughter,
But I will turn in violence against those who have wronged me.

Quote:

I had the world upon a string,
But I couldn't ever catch him

Or my dreams or eternity.

I have had an unending and unconditional love for the house of my father,
But I have fallen in love with another,
And moved far away to live with him.

I hate it when he leaves his laundry on the floor,
But leaving the cleaning undone is one of my greatest flaws.

I have been known as one of the most beautiful things on the Earth,
But I have frowned at my appearance in the mirror.

I haven't been able to keep up before the finish,
But I have found victory.

I have encouraged those in hardship,
But I am the one really in need.

I am weak,
But I am strong,
I am a woman.

Teddie

10-04-2009 03:03 PM

That's really pretty. I like the way it sort of transitioned between olden times with Adam and Eve, but then found its way to a comontemporary style. A lot of the lines contradict each other, yet seem to make sense in a way. I liked it a lot. :)

4/5 Teddie-Stickers ( My way of rating.)

ASingingGaijin

10-06-2009 12:39 AM

Thank you so much! I'm trying to enter it into a competition and I was wondering if there were any ways I could make it better. Any suggestions?

amulet

10-11-2009 11:04 PM

i really really like this. ^-^ i don't see any way to improve it

ASingingGaijin

11-11-2009 06:12 AM

I posted this in the poetry game thread. Just want to have it here too :) It's about flying.

Quote:

The wind rushing through

My hair and robes.

What is my clothing made of?

I cannot tell. But that doesn't

Matter when I can see the land

Underneath the sinking sun.

ASingingGaijin

11-20-2009 01:08 AM

Another one! ^_^

Quote:

My heart, it beats
Ever faster.

My soul, it sees
Ever clear.

My body, it moves
Ever quick.

My voice, it cries out
Ever louder.

My eyes, they grow
Ever bright.

My skin, it feels
Ever sensitive.

My everything knows
Of what's to come.

ASingingGaijin

11-21-2009 10:01 PM

A poem about my Literature teacher's voice. :)

Quote:

Something that words can't describe.
Something that the earth adores.

It lures you gently to sleep.
It has its own soft melody.

Your eyes glance over the page before you.
Your head begins to droop under its spell.

The world around you changes.
The love of your life is before you but

It was just a dream.
It was just something you had always hoped for,

But you knew it could never be.

It lures you back out of sleep.
It sings it's sweet melody.

And you find the page before you once again.
And the world was as it was before

The fall.

What is it?

ASingingGaijin

11-21-2009 10:06 PM

This was written for an art competition. We were supposed to exemplify the theme: "Beauty is..." I used the format of the first poem I put on this thread called "I am a Woman." Here it is.

“I am Beauty”

She promised God she would not eat that fruit,
But I deceived her fatefully.

And so, she has died in child birth,
But she has given me to many through the pains of her labor.

She has been looked down upon in this world of men,
And yet, they would not survive without her
And she would not survive without me.

She has been a source of comfort and pleasure for men
And she has saved their sanity.
But yet she could and would easily crush a great nation with me.

I have not been able to deceive all men,
But I have found victory.

I symbolize all that is against war and slaughter,
But without me nothing worth fighting for would exist.
And so there would be no reason for conflict
Nor happiness.

I’ve held the world upon a string
And yet, I wouldn’t be without the world.

I have been known as one of the most precious things on the Earth,
But she has frowned at my appearance in the mirror.

I have exceeded her expectations,
But she has not met mine
Nor the world’s.

And yet, while she is sobbing to herself
And convincing herself that she does not possess me
Nor my sisters and brothers,
She is really seen as irreplaceable.

I am heavenly.
But I am of the earth.
I am Beauty.

ASingingGaijin

11-27-2009 03:23 AM

This one tells what a girl (based off of my own emotions and my friends') feels and thinks about when she has a crush.

Quote:

I don't understand
This feeling I have.

I think I'm in love
But I don't know if it's genuine.

Do I know them well?
Can I be comfortable with them?

I want to tell them.
But I'm afraid of what they might say.

What can I do?

How will I carry on?

Why do I feel this way?

What is this feeling?

ASingingGaijin

12-05-2009 04:32 PM

This one's about a mystery. I mean like CSI kind of thing. More like Bones... CSI is dumb. LOL Anyway, here it is:

Quote:

They found her under the waters,
Barely alive.

She was like a stone statue,
Perfectly still.

They didn't know her story,
Great mystery.

How can we figure it out?

By looking into our hearts?

By looking into others' hearts?

By seeking for clues to the answer?

What are we looking for?

Dirt Man

12-12-2009 11:52 PM

I love your first poem, "I am a Woman." The different aspects are beautiful and you know just how to write them down. I really can't find anything at all to criticize in it. Plus, I sense Panic! at the Disco, which just makes me feel happy no matter what. c: I think my favourites were the first two stanzas, and the way they fit together, etc. I love it.

In fact, your first poem draws me in so that I'll likely come back and read/review some of your other poems. I am called to dinner at the moment, and so it will have to wait. ~

Ciao.

ASingingGaijin

12-20-2009 01:30 AM

At first I thought I was writing about a beautiful woman or model. But then I saw this post:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Syraannabelle (Post 1765844704)

at first I saw a vampire, but when you were talking about the sunlight, I saw dark angels

So... I decided to make it about dark angels. :) Haha. But I don't credit myself for this. Thank you so much, Syraannabelle! ;) :heart:

Quote:

Sharp, piercing eyes look deep into yours.
Penetrating your soul and probing for secrets
Otherwise unknown.

Shining, flowing hair that moves with the wind
Without the wind.

Flushed cheeks flourished with a full smile
And dimples.

Long legs with smooth, lotion skin,
Glistening in the sunlight.

A proportionate body with perfect curves,
Modest clothing,
And cohesive colors.

What am I?

ASingingGaijin

12-20-2009 02:02 AM

This poem's about Christmas. Happy Almost Christmas, everyone! ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASingingGaijin (Post 1765865114)

Lights of bright glory
Colors of red and green
Holly and tinsel adorn the tree
Everyone dancing merrily
To the cheerful music carols
Children wake up at the crack of dawn
In anticipation of the annual reward
Then comes the new dawn
When we aquire new calendars
And the children wait for the next holiday.

ASingingGaijin

01-06-2010 03:25 AM

It's been awhile since I wrote poems... The last time was before Christmas! LOL But here's one about loneliness:

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASingingGaijin (Post 1766053853)

How can she depend on people,
Even if they are close?

No matter where she turns
She cannot find a home.

Nobody wants her.
Nobody would notice if she was gone.
Nobody would care if she disappeared.

This one's about my role as the eldest. It's kind of depressing... Sorry. -shaky laugh-

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASingingGaijin (Post 1766133039)

This wasn't something I'd...
Prepared for.

This wasn't ever something I'd...
Longed for.

This is something that I...
Shouldn't have considered.

I hadn't known that I could...
Be so weak.

I didn't know that could...
Fail so miserably.

The eldest is meant to fail...

I was born to make them succeed...

I was born to give them power...

I was born to give them hope...

To not let them despair...

To show them what they...
Shouldn't do.
What would make them fail...

Once they succeed...
What then?

What then is my purpose?

ASingingGaijin

01-08-2010 02:58 PM

This one's about the relationship between two lovers in a Korean drama called IRIS. If you've watched IRIS then friend me because I love it!!! And you! LULZ. :heart:

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASingingGaijin (Post 1766146665)

Fate is unpredictable
Until we know what it is.

I wish I could take everything back.
If only I knew you were still here.

I didn't know because
They didn't tell me.

Were they being selfish?
Or were they trying to protect me?

I wish we could be together.

I wish you could know
That I'm still here.

What am I supposed to feel?
Or what am I supposed to do?

Are you done looking for me?

This one's kind of about the same thing but shorter and a different approach. I think it's better than the last one. Enjoy!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASingingGaijin (Post 1766150958)

Did you know?
That I've been waiting?

Did you know?
I've never forgotten?

Did you know?
That I'm still here?

Did you know?
That I love you?

Do you love me?

Mewni

01-12-2010 01:21 AM

I love the poems. Your literature is way better than mine ^^. I noticed you were friends with my friend Nate (i call him B) I also saw this thread. I love your poetry it flows in a special way and i see nothing to improve. Nothing that ive seen. But yeah i agree some lines in the adam and Eve poem contradict eachother. Other than that no improvement is needed. 5/5 Kitty Paws

ASingingGaijin

01-17-2010 12:24 AM

Well, I'm not so sure what this is about. Something... >.<

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASingingGaijin (Post 1766201961)

We have you within our grasp.

There is no escape.
No place to run.

We are wherever you look.

You cannot avoid us.

We will always see you.

Kigome

01-22-2010 03:13 AM

I really enjoy your work. You should consider being published. I enjoyed "I Am Woman" the most. But they are all pretty great. Bravo.

ASingingGaijin

01-22-2010 02:33 PM

All of my poems lately seem to be about love. Haha. The next one's going to be about finals~ >.< xD This one is about God's love for man. Enjoy!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASingingGaijin (Post 1766239545)

He's dancing in front of me
But I don't notice him.

He sings me a song
But I am unaware.

I stare after my lust.
While he,
He sings after his love.

Will I ever be able to love him?

ASingingGaijin

02-21-2010 03:35 AM

Fireflies

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASingingGaijin (Post 1766605757)

They come out at night,
Moving silently through the darkening sky.
To the moon they take flight
And they wish to see the end of the light.

Up and down their lit patterns go,
Never ceasing the rhythmic flow.
Flying about like apparitions,
Like lanthorns.

The stars are theirs to show.

kollusim

02-21-2010 09:40 AM

I Am A Woman was utterly perfect. Very good quality writing!

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