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love poems
i love poems and i wrote about 6 and i just want to get your opinions on some of them if you don't mind
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Why Can't I sleep
Name of Poem: Why Can't I Sleep
Why can't i sleep what did i do to disservice this my eyes are heavy but they wont close when i close them i see death all the ones i love footing in blood I try to grab them but the seem to move away as if there running I'm alone in the darkness cold seeing only the dead maybe I'm dead to maybe I'll find my body floating in this blood I cant see the darkness is growing Why can't i get away I'm trying to move my y cant i feel my legs Then I see it my body laying in the blood Why can't I sleep cus im already dead |
Crimson Elixer
Name of Poem: Crimson Elixer
As my blood mixs with her tears The flames of our love glow in the night. I feel what she feels I hear what she hears She is my heart and i am her soul Her love gives me strength Her pain is my pain We are always with each other Even from fare We are two people who make one |
The Beast
Name of Poem:The Beast
The Beast pleags the world feeding off the pain in peoples hearts. The Beast kills the soul of the person it inhabits makeing there life empty. why dose the beast kill those aroud me am i the true beast. Ever time i look on a miorrer i see the beast i can see its black horns as they peirs my scull the beast lives in my haret why why am i the beast or is the beast in my head i wish i knew that ansewer but thell then i'll live as the beast and the beast will live as me. There is only one way to kill the beast but in the end the beast is forever |
Pain
Name of Poem: Pain
pain thats all i have in my life i am in pain with ever breth i take my pain is my hatred anger and sadness is my pain all i'll ever fell i wish i know i have no haret i am an empty all i give is pain to thouse who love me i am a devil in your eyes i am death in my eyes plese help me i dont want to fell pain anymore or give pain i just want peace |
Name of Poem: What is love
what is love that all i ever ask myself i never truly understod but is love pain hatred or peace i dont know love but i want love i want the warmth of another person will i ever truly find love but i guess love will find me in time i will wait for love it may be years but love is worth the wait so to all thouse who read my poems may love find you |
omg i love my faveourite is the last one theyre all really good though
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Most of your poems lack the general poetic devices. You need better imagry and grammer is sorely needed so the reader knows where one thought ends and the other begins. Also, your last few are not really poems. They're just sentences. You need line breaks otherwise their nothing but paragraphs. Poetry has form even if it's free verse. You have a talent, you really do, now make it better.
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Thanks if I write a new one I'll put it up here for you guys to read
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