
10-10-2009, 07:00 PM
I don't write poetry often, but when I do, I like to share it with everyone. So I tend to post it up everywhere I can... And this is the most recent poem I wrote.
Not missing, just misplaced
i guess i kind of lost myself
i'm all over the place now, just trying to make things work.
i cried last night, you know. but it was something stupid, don't worry.
just the kind of mistake that i usually make.
you know - thinking about you.
it's okay, though.
i'm learning.
i'm finally figuring it out.
maybe. i hope.
maybe this time i'll do better.
maybe i can stop thinking of you when i see him.
maybe i can just... stop second guessing myself.
i was fine, once. and then...
well. then i remembered.
you were gone and it was the friendship i missed.
but he was there, so it was okay.
i could deal.
now, it's just...
i'm lonely.
there's me and there's my friends.
then there's the people i know but can't trust,
my family,
classmates,
random passers-by who wonder at my tears that fell without my consent.
there's the one who makes me feel like you did, only in half.
there's the one who makes my heart cry out for you
but i know that you won't accept it.
then there's me.
and in the end, i'm the one who knows the least.
it's me who is trying to be strong,
lying to you, to myself.
it's me convincing myself i can deal with everything,
rejecting the help that is offered
and stumbling into the darkness all alone
it is me who is getting lost.
i ignore the danger signs, as always.
you know the ones:
the big, red stop signs
the flashing lights
the pictures of the drop off.
i pay them no mind and then...
i'm falling.
i don't know where i am
it's dark
i can't see.
but i'm comfortable here.
it's just me and, well.
those words just won't leave me alone.
i choose to go with them, finally.
so i'm all alone
in the dark
in a place that has no exit, no entrance
there is no way to know where i am
and i sit there, lean back and...
well, i start to think.
maybe you'll see me soon but i doubt it.
it's been a long while since i thought about things
well. things involving my heart.
the things that make me hurt.
i don't like to hurt, but i'll do it for you.
maybe i'll come back, bruised and broken
a little roughed up, for sure.
and it'll be a long, hard road
if you find me, will you wait for me?
will you offer me your hand when you see me?
i don't think i'll be able to stand
but if you won't then i will do what i always do:
i'll drag myself along with my body protesting
and i'll dig my nails into the dirt
grit my teeth and pull.
i hope you'll wait for me.
whoever you are.
i'm sure it'll change
at least a little
but i'll be okay.
for now, i'll stay here and try to make sense of everything.
you know, all these thoughts and feelings
the things i can't name, can't read, don't know about.
the things that never fail to make me nervous, afraid.
i'll be back sooner or later.
for now, just wait for me
okay?
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