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-   Poetry (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=128)
-   -   Breathe (https://www.menewsha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=134395)

the mechanical heart 10-12-2009 04:31 AM

Breathe
 
breathe.
slow down.
faster and faster, my world keeps on spinning,
i try to keep up, but the world is winning.
my mind is blank, but the words keep on flowing.
the boat isn't moving, though I keep on rowing.
the world moves fast around me and I can't seem to keep up.
the drink is pouring, but just doesn't fill the cup.
my mouth is moving, but the words just won't come out.
i'm so frustrated, i just want to shout.
my heart is beating out of my chest,
why can't i just be like the rest.
i try to hear you, but it feels like i'm deaf,
the sparkle in my eye seems to have left.
my cheeks are stained with my tears,
i try to scream, but no one hears.
i hold myself to keep me together,
but i'm afraid i'll be like this forever.


I want serious thoughts and critique, okay? I've taken this poem to websites and poetry clubs and such, shown them the poem and they all loved it, I've even won awards I refused to claim because I feel like it just isn't good enough. What do you think when you read this poem? What does it remind you of or how does it make you feel?

the mechanical heart 10-18-2009 11:45 PM

I wonder if this could also work as a rock or folk song.

Maybe it could work as a rap one, too. xD

amulet 10-20-2009 05:17 PM

i love this. there is so much imagery. makes me want to draw it. you really should've accepted those awards you got for it.


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