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dream_seer
133.16
dream_seer is offline
 
#1
Old 12-22-2009, 06:44 PM

dear God
help this lost soul
dont let me cry endless tears
i dont want this pain
i dont want these tears
i want to feel loved by you if by no one else
please...keep me close to you
do not abandon me
im scared...and lost
i do not know what to do anymore
please...do not abandon me

Kaesthrine
(-.-)zzZ
1995.28
Kaesthrine is offline
 
#2
Old 12-25-2009, 11:20 AM

Pretty good, just have to be more creative... like using more beautiful words or something else to make your poem convey your feelings to the readers more, and not just your thoughts...

I hope this helps...

 



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